The Benchwarmers Page #6

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I'm gonna kill your family.

Yes!

- Yeah!

- Gone!

Looks like the Gus Bus

is out of gas.

I got it! I got it!

That's what I'm talking about!

Third inning, and the Benchwarmers

cling to a one-run lead.

Your hair is like a waterfall.

- Thank you.

- Carlos.

Who say my name?

This is a present

from the Benchwarmers.

You're really good at baseball.

Awesome.

Gracias, albino. Now get lost!

Two outs and the Benchwarmers

hanging on, 6-5.

- Go, go, go!

- Gus, go!

- Safe!

- Yes! He did it!

- He did it!

- No way! God!

My hand!

Top of the sixth,

Benchwarmers leading, 7-5.

That looks rough, dude.

Is it broken?

It's not broken, but I can't pitch.

- Richie, can you pitch?

- Hell, no, dude. I can't even catch.

- My vote is to have Clark pitch.

- Wait, why me?

You throw newspapers.

You have to have some arm.

- Come on, come on. Let's go, guys.

- Clark, we have no other choice.

- What are you gonna do?

- I'll play the outfield.

I can still catch pop flies.

I'll try.

I wonder if Clark pitched before.

- Nope.

- Come on, really burn it in.

Ball three.

Come on.

Ball four. Take your base.

Two-run lead. Bases are loaded,

and Carlos is coming up.

One run scores.

The tying run scores.

Here comes the lead run!

And he is...

- Out!

- Oh, my God! What a play!

We go to the bottom of the last inning,

and it's all tied up.

Carlos, we need tres more outs

to go into extra innings.

Is that beer?

No, it's Gatorade, honky.

Just give me the ball.

The Benchwarmers need something

against Carlos. He's unhittable.

It's a live ball! Run it out!

Clark, run it out!

Yes!

Maria...

...why did you leave me?

Letting a 12-year-old drink like that

is disgusting.

Here we go, Richie, here we go!

- Ball!

- Come on, ump, he's ducking it!

Here we go, Richie, here we go!

Take your base.

Gus is up, and here's the pitch.

Safe!

Hey, who's on deck?

- Damn!

- Oh, no. They don't have anyone else.

- They have to forfeit.

- What?

- You have any reserve players?

- No.

What about that guy over there

eating sun block?

He's never played before.

That's not my problem.

He's got a uniform.

Hey, either he plays

or you forfeit the game. Play ball!

Last inning, winning run's on third,

and it's all up to Howie.

- Look at this freak.

- Son, son. Get in the batter's box.

Someone get his sword.

- Here you go, Howie. Take this.

- Nelson. Nelson.

Get up and take a swing.

Look at all those albinos.

Wait till he pitches the ball, retard.

Strike!

They should let him use his sword.

Maria!

- No.

- Come on, weird guy!

Weird guy! Weird guy! Weird guy!

Take the base.

- No way! We win! We win!

- Amazing!

- You have to touch first base, kid.

- Come on, come on.

Howie, hit by the pitch,

forces in the winning run...

...and sends the Benchwarmers

to the finals!

That's game.

Carlos, you're drunk!

We're here with Richie Goodman

of the Benchwarmers.

How do you feel after that win?

What can I say?

Baseball's in my blood.

Hey, could I give a shout-out

to my main salad girl at Pizza Hut?

I like salad.

Guys, can you believe this crap?

I'd like to beat his ass,

just like I did back in the diz-ay.

- Are they any good?

- The only guy that's good is that guy.

This is Gus Matthews, the heart

and soul of the Benchwarmers.

Gus Matthews?

So were you bullied as a kid?

The bully thing affected my life pretty

huge, and I wanna tell you kids...

... messing with other kids

can do a lot of damage.

What? That guy damaged more kids

than anybody I knew.

He made my life hell growing up.

You're twice his size.

You could crush that little puke.

He didn't do the physical warfare.

He played the psychological card

by attacking your weaknesses.

I started losing my hair

when I was 9 years old.

He jumped all over it

with the mean nicknames.

Eight Ball, Bowling Ball...

...Kojak, Mr. Clean,

Cream of Wheat Guy...

...Scatman Crothers,

the Black Uncle Fester.

How about the

Black Bodybuilding Charlie Brown?

That's a good one.

He used that too!

Oh, don't cry, buddy.

I think your hair's the bomb, yo.

- It looks great. Doesn't it, guys?

- Yeah.

- Really, brothers?

- Yeah.

Sure, Daddy Warbucks. I would've

never have thought that was a wig.

If I was blindfolded.

Got a problem? Why don't you punch

me in the face as hard as you can.

Pour some honey on me.

Let me see you get really mad.

Anyway, at least I left there

with my sanity.

He actually teased this one midget boy

in our neighborhood league so bad...

...the little fella up and quit baseball

and went into the loony bin.

Guys, we gotta tell Jerry.

He's gonna love this.

- Definitely.

- Yeah.

Really? Well, thanks, Cassandra.

- What's the score now, Mel?

- Well, Jerry's Lumber just won, 5-2.

That means our town

gets the stadium!

Nelson and his buddies will,

because we'll kill those guys!

Yeah! Wicked!

- Number 7, shakes all around!

- Yes!

I gotta take a leak.

Down the hall,

Last night, we did a story

about the Benchwarmers...

... a team of three men who were

excluded from baseball as kids...

... and are now making up

for lost time.

Hello, Gus.

This is the urinal speaking.

Chemical analysis of your pee shows

you'd better stop eating fast food...

... or you're going to die.

We have just been given evidence

that one of the men, Gus Matthews...

... is not the man

he's been saying he is.

Hey, no shake for me.

The toilet said so.

Gus Matthews was easily

the biggest bully in Brookdale.

Well, you weren't the nicest kid

in school either, Steven.

I hate everybody!

What a baby. But he's right.

I was their principal back then,

and Gus was in my office constantly.

I remember he especially

picked so hard on one kid...

... that the poor boy

was institutionalized.

That's really too bad. Those guys

inspired a lot of really nice kids.

This is Kathy Dobson

from Channel 9 news.

You were a jerk just like the rest

of the kids who mess with me?

I made a mistake, Nelson.

I wish I could take it all back.

I can't believe I looked up to you.

I don't know what to say, guys.

I'm sorry.

Let's party!

Not now, Number 7!

Is that why you don't

wanna have kids, Gus?

Do you feel you don't deserve

a happy family because of your past?

I'm afraid that if we have kids, they're

gonna get picked on without mercy...

...because karma

will be catching up with me.

Sweetheart, you are wrong.

Life's about learning lessons.

I can't just learn a lesson

and move on.

That little boy that I picked on

when I was a kid...

...he didn't ever move on.

I bet he'd be able to move on

if you said you were sorry.

Can I help you?

- Marcus, honey.

- What is it, Mother?

I just finished another peanut butter

sculpture. It's a pterodactyl.

Oh, that's nice.

You have a visitor, dear.

But I don't know anyone.

It's Gus from grade school.

No!

Don't come down here!

- Marcus...

- No, don't come down!

Take it easy. Take it easy.

- Don't touch me!

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