The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas Page #9

Synopsis: Founded in 1910 just outside of the city limits of Gilbert located in Lanville County, Texas, the Chicken Ranch has for generations been known as the best whorehouse in Texas for its wholesome fun, strict moral code and cleanliness, all perpetuated by its original owner, Miss Wulla Jean. Seven years ago, Miss Wulla Jean passed on, leaving the Chicken Ranch to her favorite working girl, Miss Mona Stangley, who wants to keep the same traditions of Miss Wulla Jean. The Chicken Ranch has always had the unofficial blessing of the local authorities, who see the ranch providing an important community service, one which most in local authority have used at one time or another in their life. In fact, Miss Mona and Lanville County Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd have been in a relationship for years, Ed Earl who is Miss Mona's protector, albeit one with a hot temper and good ol' boy attitude that doesn't exactly match the needs of his law upholding position. That blessing may change when television persona
Genre: Comedy, Musical
Director(s): Colin Higgins
Production: Universal Pictures
  Nominated for 1 Oscar. Another 2 nominations.
 
IMDB:
5.8
Rotten Tomatoes:
56%
R
Year:
1982
114 min
2,006 Views


what a great institution it is.

- No need to bring that up.

- I ain't threatenin' you.

Whatever you say, I'll do.

But think of the people.

I've known Miss Mona for 12 years.

You'll never meet a finer woman.

She never refuses a charity.

The whole town likes her.

Hospital fund, new swimmin' pool,

even the Little Leaguers.

She bought 'em uniforms so they wouldn't

have to play in their overalls.

Well...

I wasn't aware of her civic generosity.

- But the law is the law!

- Sometimes it's gotta be changed.

I been fightin' crime all my life,

but let's not confuse crime with sin.

You can't legislate morality.

Those girls have never caused any trouble.

They're healthy, taxpayin',

law-abidin' citizens...

...who supply a demand and provide

an economic asset to the community.

Whew! Ed Earl!

You ever think about

runnin' for office? Huh?

I swear, you make that whorehouse sound

like a damn nonprofit recreational facility.

Governor, if the citizens who elected me

found it necessary to close it down...

...I would close it down.

If Miss Mona and the girls

that work for her...

...were jeopardisin' the health

or morals of the community...

...I would close it down.

If the place was just a piddlin' nuisance,

an eyesore, a fire hazard...

...I would close it down!

But there's nothin'!

No reason except the goddamn cries...

...of a muckrakin' sensationalist

on television.

Here they are, Governor.

What you've been waitin' for.

Oh, I'm sorry, Ed Earl.

The Chicken Ranch loses,

42 to 37, with 21% undecided.

- What is that?

- The polls.

You can't expect me

to go against the polls.

Melvin still outside?

Maybe I can catch the cameras.

- Good seein' ya.

- But it's not what my people want.

Show's over, Sheriff.

Close it down!

- Hooray!

- Ha-ha!

# Melvin Thorpe

has done it once again

# He's shone his light and now we see

# Melvin Thorpe will go

through thick and thin

# And lead us on to victory

# Ooh, I love to dance

a little sidestep

# Now they see me, now they don't,

I've come and gone

# And ooh, I love to sweep

around the wide step

# Cut a little swath

and lead the people on

# Melvin Thorpe

has done it once again

# He's shone his light and now we see

# Melvin Thorpe will go

through thick and thin

# And lead us on to victory

# Melvin Thorpe

has done it once again

# He's shone his light and now we see

I'd love to see

that sheriff's face right now!

That Chicken Ranch

is gonna get it in the neck!

And Miss Mona, she's gonna get hers too.

# Melvin Thorpe will go

through thick and thin

# And lead us all to victory

Sorry son of a b*tch.

Hello.

Mona, this is an official call.

As the Sheriff of Lanville County,

it's my duty...

Why don't you just get to the point,

Sheriff?

- I gotta close you down.

- I see.

How long do we have?

Be better to do it

as soon as possible.

I understand.

Mona.

About the other night.

I lost my temper.

I said some things

I shouldn't have said.

I want to apologise.

Oh, it's all right, Ed Earl.

I think we both said

a whole lot of things we regret.

If there's anything I can do...

No, thank you.

I think you've done all you could.

I have to tell my girls.

Well, the news has come.

Just got a call from the sheriff...

...and we are closed down.

Immediately and permanently.

Oh... What'll we do?

Well... Las Vegas, here I come.

Damn! I thought when the sheriff

went to speak to the governor...

...we'd get a reprieve.

- What did you say?

- Didn't you know about that, Miss Mona?

- He drove up last night.

The whole town's talkin' about

the way he fought for you.

Didn't he tell you that?

No. No, he didn't.

# Hey, maybe I'll dye my hair

# Maybe I'll move somewhere

# Maybe I'll get a car

# Maybe I'll drive so far

they'll all lose track

# Me, I'll bounce right back

# Maybe I'll sleep real late

# Maybe I'll lose some weight

# Maybe I'll clear my junk

# Maybe I'll just get drunk

on apple wine

# Me, I'll be just fine and dandy

# Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas

# I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow

# But still I won't let

sorrow bring me way down

# I'll be fine and dandy

# Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas

# I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow

# But still I won't let

sorrow bring me way down

# Hey, maybe I'll learn to sew

# Hey, maybe I'll just lie low

# Maybe I'll hit the bars

# Maybe I'll count the stars

until the dawn

# Me, I will go on

# Maybe I'll settle down

# Maybe I'll just leave town

# Maybe I'll have some fun

# Maybe I'll meet someone

and make him mine

# Me, I'll be just fine and dandy

# Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas

# I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow

# But still I won't let

sorrow bring me way down

# I'll be fine and dandy

# Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas

# I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow

# But still I won't let

sorrow bring me way down

# I'll be fine and dandy

# Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas

# I'm barely gettin' through tomorrow

# But still I won't let

sorrow bring me way down

# I'll be fine

# I'll be fine

# I'll be fine

So the girls left, and it was

a sorry day for Lanville County.

Kinda like the end of an era.

You know, like when you graduate

from high school?

Things are just never the same again.

Ed Earl's up in the state legislature now...

...and I became the sheriff.

I suppose you're wonderin'

what happened to Miss Mona.

Well, Ed Earl drove up there

on her last day.

- Hey, Sheriff.

- Good morning, Jewel.

I'm so pleased to see you.

I knew you couldn't let me leave...

...without a sweet goodbye

for your old Porky.

- Goodbye, Jewel.

- Goodbye, Sheriff.

I sure hope you come up north

to visit Miss Mona and me.

- Where is she?

- Inside.

See you're takin' the old juke with you.

Now, you know I couldn't leave

without my bell and my box.

Ed Earl?

This old place looks

kinda funny, don't it?

Ben Sawtuck bought all my furniture and

Langston downtown's gonna sell the rest.

- Mona, I wanna tell you somethin'.

- I want you to thank your boys for me.

Those reporters would have got outta hand

if it hadn't been for your deputies.

- You know me better than...

- Ed Earl, the thing to do...

...is to put this whole thing behind you

just as quick as you can.

I've made a little money, I've laughed,

I've danced to the music.

It's just time to pay

the fiddler, that's all.

Mona, we've been together a long time.

Sometimes I think you know me

better than I know myself.

You know how hard

this is for me to say.

I love you.

Will you marry me?

Oh, Ed Earl, I've loved you

since I was 16 years old.

But I've thought about this

for a long time.

And as much as I'd love

for it to work...

...I know deep down in my heart

it ain't never gonna be.

- Didn't you hear what I said?

- I did, darlin'.

But it's gonna always be

just like it is.

There just ain't no way

in this world it can work.

We could make it work.

Just have to give it a chance.

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Larry L. King

Larry L. King (January 1, 1929 –December 20, 2012) was an American playwright, journalist, and novelist, best remembered for his 1978 Tony Award-nominated play The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, which became a long-running production on Broadway and was later turned into a feature film starring Burt Reynolds, Charles Durning and Dolly Parton. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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