The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas Page #8

Nowadays women enjoy doin'

that sort of thing themselves.

At least, so I've been told.

The Chicken Ranch?

I think it's a good idea.

See, you take young boys

and they're gonna be lookin' for women.

If they can't find 'em, they'll rape 'em.

And if they don't...

...they'll run to other women and get

diseases! Those girls went to doctors.

Although petitions are being circulated

to save the Chicken Ranch...

...this bumper sticker

is beginning to appear.

And so, as feminists support the bill for

the decriminalisation of prostitution...

...while traditionalists

lobby for its defeat,...

...the fate of the Chicken Ranch rests with

the governor, who again was unavailable.

Jeff Gerald, ABC News,

Gilbert, Texas.

Thank you, Jeff. If there are...

Well, I hate admitting

I was wrong, Miss Mona.

But with television broadcasting all this...

...we should've done what the sheriff said

and kept this place closed.

It was my fault, Jewel. It was my decision.

He ain't gonna be able to stop it

this time, is he?

No. He'd like to,

but he's out of his league.

He don't know how to fight 'em.

He's just a good old boy

that ain't never gonna grow up.

Honey, we see everything

in this profession.

But one thing I ain't never seen,

man nor woman, is a grown-up.

Don't be too hard on him.

He loves you.

Well, he ain't never said it.

Some men can't say the words, honey.

But that don't mean

they don't feel it in their heart.

Well, it's just as well anyhow, Jewel.

I set my course a long time ago...

...and I can't go changin' now.

I don't know what to do. Folks got nothin'

to talk about but this Chicken Ranch mess.

Chicken Ranch, Chicken Ranch...

All of this bad publicity's

flat ruinin' business.

- I haven't sold a car in a week.

- It's ruinin' the town.

No one's blamin' you, Ed Earl.

It ain't your fault.

But we can't just sit around here

waitin' to grow tits!

The way I see it, the Chicken Ranch

served a purpose once.

But now everything's openin' up.

Do you know we are in the middle

of a worldwide sexual revolution?

Why, Miss Mona's ain't obscene,

it's just obsolete.

She ain't got a handful

of supporters left, Ed Earl.

All this publicity's makin' folks think

twice about signin' that petition.

Why can't that station in Houston look at

the cesspool in their own back yard?

How about Austin?

Two blocks from the state capitol...

...you can have anything done to you

that you can get in Tangiers!

There's naked massages, tongue baths...

...somebody ticklin' your ass

with a feather.

If you know that for a fact,

Mr Newspaper Editor...

...it's your duty to expose it!

Now, you see here, CJ! I don't give

a damn if folks want their ass tickled!

I kinda like to think that

that's what heaven is all about.

Boys, I got myself

a pretty good bullshit detector.

I can tell when somebody's peein' on

my boots and tellin' me it's a rainstorm.

Now, this thing's gotten way outta hand.

I don't know how.

- I figure there's only one thing to do.

- Close it down!

Nope. I'm goin' to Austin.

See the governor. Tell him

Miss Mona's side of the situation.

He sure as hell won't hear about it

from anybody here.

- You can't go up and see the governor!

- He don't see anybody!

He'll see me.

Feel like the country dog in the city.

If I stand still, they screw me.

If I run, they bite me in the ass.

I... I wish...

...there was somethin' I could do.

Thank you.

They want me to close her down,

run her out of town.

How can I ask her to leave,

when all I want her to do is stay?

Ladies and gentlemen,

His Excellency, the Governor of Texas.

My friends, I want to thank you for that

sincere and heartwarming ovation.

No questions, please.

Governor, what do you think of

the crisis in the Middle East?

I was sayin' at the weekly prayer

breakfast in this historic capitol...

...that it behooves

the Jews and the Arabs...

...to settle their differences

in a christian manner.

Have you seen the evidence of the

disgraceful situation at the Chicken Ranch?

# Fellow Texans, I am proudly

# Standing here to humbly say

# I assure you

# And I mean it

# Now, who says I don't speak out

as plain as day?

# And fellow Texans

# I'm for progress and the flag

# Long may it fly

# I'm a poor boy

come to greatness

# So it follows

that I cannot tell a lie

- What the hell did he say?

- Same as usual. Not a damn thing.

# Ooh, I love to dance

a little sidestep

# Now they see me, now they don't,

I've come and gone

# And ooh, I love to sweep

around the wide step

# Cut a little swath

and lead the people on

- Governor!

- Yeah.

- Jerry Rogers of the Houston Post.

- Hi, Jerry.

Governor, do you plan to take action

against the Chicken Ranch?

# Now, my good friends,

it behooves me

# To be solemn and declare

# I'm for goodness and for profit

# And for living clean

and saying daily prayer

# And now, my good friends,

you can sleep nights

# I'll continue to stand tall

# You can trust me

for I promise

# I shall keep a watchful eye

upon y'all

- Did you get that?

- I hear him talkin', but he don't come in.

# Ooh, I love to dance

a little sidestep

# Now they see me, now they don't,

I've come and gone

# And ooh, I love to sweep

around the wide step

# Cut a little swath

and lead the people on

There he is. Come on, boys.

Governor! Governor.

Melvin P Thorpe,

Watchdog News.

Why has the Chicken Ranch operation

been so long ignored?

We have acoustic problems in here.

- Aren't you afraid of payoffs and bribes?

- Melvin, I'm sorry.

Enough pussyfootin', Governor.

What will you do...

...about Miss Mona and the Chicken Ranch?

# Now Miss Mona,

I don't know her

# Though I've heard the name,

oh, yes

# But of course I have

no close contact

# So what she is doin'

I can only guess

# And now Miss Mona

# She's a blemish

on the face of that good town

# I am takin' certain steps here

# Someone somewhere's

gonna have to close her down

Can you believe that man?

- Is that a yes or a no?

- That's a possible maybe.

# Ooh, I love to dance

a little sidestep

# Now they see me, now they don't,

I've come and gone

# And ooh, I love to sweep

around the wide step

# Cut a little swath

and lead the people on

# Ooh, I love to dance

a little sidestep

# Ooh, I love to sweep

around the wide step

# Cut a little swath

and lead the people on

Governor? I have Sheriff Dodd from Gilbert

waiting outside to see you.

He's been here since early this morning

and is very insistent.

Swearin' Sheriff Dodd?

The one on TV?

No, no, no, no...

Hi, Sheriff!

Just talkin' about you.

How are ya?

Governor, I know I'm way outta line

comin' up here...

...but before you close the Chicken Ranch

you must know the facts.

I haven't made that decision!

My aides are workin' on that.

Well, the Chicken Ranch has been

in my county since before I was born.

Its doors have been open to soldiers

and presidents and farmers.

Even governors who can remember

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