The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas Page #7

# And then we're gonna show them all

a thing or two

# We're gonna demonstrate

# Just what a champion can do

Yee-ha!

# 75 miles until we get to heaven

# 75 miles until our plans are laid

# 75 miles until we get

to the Chicken Ranch

# Where history and Aggie boys

get made

Yee-ha!

Lookit here! Watch this.

Yee-ha! Yee-ha!

All right! Hey, come on.

Attaboy!

- Ooh, yeah!

- Come on!

All right!

# 22 miles until we get to heaven

# 22 miles until our plans are laid

# 22 miles until we get

to the Chicken Ranch

# Where history and Aggie boys

get made

What the hell happened?

Do we have to wear

these ball gowns again?

Yes, and I don't wanna hear

any more bitchin' about it.

Miss Mona likes to create

somethin' special for the boys.

It's like a graduation dance.

Yee-ha!

Yee-ha! Yee-ha!

# One more mile until we get to heaven

# One more mile until our plans are laid

# One more mile until we get

to the Chicken Ranch

# Where history and Aggie boys

get made

Yee-ha!

Y'all come on in!

Oh, I'm so glad to see you.

Congratulations!

Hey, boys! I think you'll find it's a

fittin' celebration for today's victory!

- Whoo!

- Howdy, boys!

Howdy, ma'am. I'm Senator Wingwood

of the 19th District...

...and the Aggie class of '49.

Mighty proud to meet you.

To meet me!

Charlie, who you think you're talkin' to?

How's Mary Margaret and the kids?

Hell, Miss Mona,

I didn't think you'd remember.

Remember? Did you remember

to bring my cheque?

I got it right here.

Good. You know it's always a business

doin' pleasure with you, Charlie.

You boys head on out back.

We've got a nice surprise for you.

Come on, boys!

Yoo-hoo! Boys!

Hi!

Hiya, girls!

Yee-ha!

# Texas has a whorehouse in it

- Yo!

- It's me, Deputy Fred!

Come on in, Fred!

- Evenin', Sheriff.

- Happy Thanksgiving. You want a drink?

Oh, no, thank you.

That stuff always tears up my stomach.

- I was readin' in the Reader's Digest...

- What do you want, Fred?

I was makin' my rounds around town...

...and I saw Melvin P Thorpe and a bunch

of fellas headed out to the Chicken Ranch.

- Melvin P Thorpe.

- Uh-huh.

Goin' out to the Chicken Ranch, was he?

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

He's gonna be real disappointed!

See, there ain't nothin' goin' on.

Miss Mona promised me to close down.

Well, she didn't.

I was out there this evenin'.

Those Aggies was just

celebratin' to beat the band.

- Oh, no.

- Uh-huh!

- Oh, sh*t!

- Uh-huh.

Shh. Quiet.

Sh. This may be the most important

scoop of my television career.

Not now! Idiot boy.

Give me that. Now.

Good neighbours, we're about to enter

the whorehouse itself.

Cut. Come on.

Stay with me. Come on.

Come on, boys.

There's been a party here.

Watch your step. Sh.

Hold this.

Damn quiet.

Billy Joe, light switch.

Shh. Come on. No!

Careful.

Henry... Lights. Light switch.

Watch me.

You know what you gotta do.

Bingo. Lights!

Everybody up!

Let's get 'em!

All right! Come along!

Oh, sh*t!

- Jewel, what in hell is goin' on?

- Call the sheriff!

It's that Melvin P Thorpe sucker!

Oh! Ooh!

They're smokin'! Cocaine!

Take their picture!

All right...

Take her picture!

Thank you!

- Excuse me, ma'am.

- Y'all come back now, you hear?

Come on, boys!

Ooh! Look who's here.

Senator, the eyes of Texas are upon you.

Come on, boys!

We got all we need.

Thank you, ma'am.

Oh!

Miss Mona!

Melvin P Thorpe. Gotcha!

Let's get to those vans!

We're gonna make the mornin' news!

See you on TV!

Holy sh*t!

God almighty.

Damn it! You gave me your word!

And I took it!

- Now, I'm the law!

- That law! Talk about the law!

A bunch of crazies break into my house,

takin' pictures, invadin' my privacy.

Do you wanna know what the law's

gonna do? I can tell you - nothin'!

They had no reason to do nothin'

if you'd done what you said!

I trusted you. That's what hurt.

Don't you talk to me about trust!

I trusted you to protect me!

I made a mistake tonight, OK?

If that's your apology,

it ain't worth armadillo crap.

I ain't apologisin'! I'm a businesswoman

payin' out double taxes!

I expect a little protection for my money!

Where were you? I couldn't get you...

I was in bed, because you gave me

your word you were closin' down.

If Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace

was here, none of this...

Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace

couldn't hold my jock!

Goddamn it, Mona, you're makin' me mad!

Whoo! Listen at him cuss and shout.

Just like on TV!

You're just a kid

playin' at bein' a cowboy.

You ain't never gonna grow up!

You use me as your mistress.

You use that damn Dulcie Mae

as your in-town wife.

You even use that little boy of hers...

...so you can play weekend daddy!

- Leave him out of it!

You're playin'. You're just a big,

overgrown kid playin' at bein' a man!

I don't have to listen

to this sh*t. Damn it!

I'm the law. If I choose to, I'll close

this place down till hell freezes over.

Don't you threaten me.

I'm tellin' the truth, and you know it!

And all of your big dreams

of goin' to the legislature.

They're just dreams, cos you ain't never

gonna be no more than you are right now.

A chickenshit sheriff

in a chickenshit town.

You may be right. It's a hell of a lot

better than bein' a whore.

Legalised prostitution, pro or con,

is in the news today.

For a report, here is

Jeff Gerald in Gilbert, Texas.

The Chicken Ranch,

the legendary bawdyhouse...

...is showing little activity after the

disclosure of the Thanksgiving-night raid.

- Get away!

- The deputy keeps away onlookers...

...while up at the house the doors are

closed and the principals are not talking.

The Sheriff of Gilbert

refused interviews,...

...while in Houston the man who launched

the campaign, Melvin P Thorpe,...

...held a press conference today.

This report says that the Chicken Ranch...

...is involved with and under the influence

of organised crime.

I am gonna take this report to Austin

in the hopes that the governor himself...

...will come out of his long silence

on this issue and uphold the law.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

The governor made no statement,...

...but Senator Charles Wingwood,

a principal figure in the raid,...

...held a press conference

explaining his involvement.

I have no independent recollection

of going to the Chicken Ranch.

I can only say, as the most dedicated

anti-Communist in the state legislature...

...that I must have been drugged by

Communists or Communist sympathisers...

...and placed there to harm

my reputation and good name.

Reaction across the state

is split 50-50.

But here in Gilbert,

the Chicken Ranch has many supporters.

I ain't never seen anything bad come out

of there, and I've lived here all my life.

Why, they attract a lot

of business to the community.

They pay their taxes,

just like you and me!

No one... no one was ever

forced to go up there.

My Frank, when he was alive,

used to go up there every Saturday.

I took it as a blessin'.

Of course, things were different then.

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