The Best Man Page #6

N*gger, I am a pimp.

So my future looks mighty

bright, thank you very much.

That's cool. Everything straight

for the bachelor party?

Oh, hell, yeah.

Pops gave me the key to the

penthouse suite tonight.

I'm talking about this sh*t is about

to be ignorant, off the hook.

Luke dancers.

Luke dancers.

That's cool. That's cool.

Is your pop still

trying to groom you

for the hotel

management business?

Yeah, for the last 20 years.

I'm just trying not to

hear none of that stuff.

Dealing with

complaining-ass guests

and unions and payrolls

and all that.

Too much like a real job, huh?

N*gger, f*** you.

All right?

You're my judge, right? That's your job.

You judge me.

I'm only playing.

No, n*gger.

It's just amazing how you've always

analyzed everybody else's sh*t

and you don't do the same

thing for your own self.

Will you chill? No, 'cause

you've done dirt, too.

And you're doing more dirt.

That's right. You're

f***ing Jordan tonight, remember?

Jordan.

You ain't no better than

the rest of us. Got it?

Your sh*t just

ain't caught you yet.

Everything okay here,

fellas?

Cool as a f***ing fan,

cat.

Harp, what's going on?

Man, nothing.

Just, you know, Q.

Oh.

Yeah, I know.

You can't change that fool.

No. What you see

is what you get.

At least he's honest,

which is more than I can

say for most brothers.

You look nice, man.

Thanks.

You are so bad.

You got a nice smile.

Here's my card.

Hey, Quentin.

May I use your phone?

Who you calling?

Shelby.

Oh, hell, no.

Excuse me?

I said no, man.

You can't be letting her know

your every move. That's played.

Sometimes you are such an a-hole.

Yeah, well, she's...

Don't you dare.

Oh, come on. You know you don't

like the way she be carrying you.

None of us like it. It's time for

you to just stand up, you know.

Grow some balls and be

a man or something.

Look, all I'm trying

to say is

I don't want to see you walking

around moping tonight.

It's a bachelor party.

I want to see you have fun.

I want to

see you get loose.

Get you a little.. Rub you

a little booty or something.

Then don't even

go home to her.

Now you're talking crazy.

Trust me.

It works.

You are a family man.

The press loves you. They're

gonna be dying to see this.

No, Jordan. Listen, this is

not a media event. Okay?

It's our wedding day.

Can you understand?

It's one camera...

Jordan!

One.

Jordan!

Okay, some things

are just sacred,

like between

a man and a woman...

I'm sorry. You wouldn't know

nothing about that, now would you?

Easy, you two.

My mind's made up.

It ain't happening.

I'm sorry, Jordan.

He's just stressed.

It's all...

Baby.

Hey.

What?

Hey, you.

Come here.

You okay? Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

Everything's great.

Okay. Look at these two.

Ain't they disgusting?

Yeah.

Um, listen, can I talk to

you for a second? Yeah.

Quentin,

can I have a little time?

Yes, you can.

Ugh.

Why didn't you call me and

tell me how the tuxedos fit?

Uh, Quentin's phone

wasn't working, so...

You guys are wearing Boss, right?

Yes.

You could not

wear an American cut.

It does nothing for your frame.

Shelby!

While we're on the subject, are

you taking the job at the firm?

How was that

on the subject?

Hugo Boss.

Prestigious law firm.

Need I say more?

Urn...

Shelby,

I just don't know.

Okay, honey, you cannot keep babysitting

these ghetto children forever.

You've got to

get a real job.

I do not want to talk

about this right now.

I am not going to talk

about this right now.

Nice.

Nice.

Why did you have to say

anything to her at all?

Because I...

I was curious.

You were curious?

That's cute. You were curious.

Jesus Christ.

Sorry.

There's something

else I want to tell you.

What? Just a little less dramatic,

please, this time. For me.

I wanna make

love to you tonight.

I, um...

I feel like our opportunity

has presented itself again.

And I don't want us

to miss out on it twice.

Look, I know that

this is a bit much,

but I was just hoping

that you would say yes.

Wow. Urn...

How do you expect me to react

to something like this?

I know.

I don't even really know

what I expect

right now, but...

I know what I want.

And what I need.

Let's just have our

night and we'll see.

You know?

Urn...

Robin is coming tomorrow.

You know,

you don't have to...

To, um...

You don't have to

decide right now. You...

Think about it.

Smack that ass!

I'd like to thank you all for

coming to share this time with us.

We are so overjoyed

that so many of you

have come from all over

to be here this weekend.

I am so in love

with this man.

Aw.

I wish I could take sole credit

for being swept off my feet,

but Lance certainly played

a major part in that.

And that new contract

didn't hurt, either.

No. Just kidding.

Yeah, right.

Seriously, none of this would

be possible if it wasn't for

our friend,

our counselor,

the best man,

Harper Stewart.

We love you,

Harper.

Love you.

L-Boogie, what's up, baby?

You know, Harp,

I've been thinking.

Listening to Mia just now,

and reading your book, man, has

really made me think, you know.

Yeah?

Yeah. I realized something.

I owe you a lot, man.

Mia's right.

You kept us together, dawg.

Man,

there ain't no need to...

No, you could have easily

dogged me out to Mia, man.

I know how close you and

your little sister are.

And I know that

there were times

you felt that

I didn't deserve her.

Lance, who am I to judge?

Harp, you're everything, man.

I just want to thank you.

And I promise you, I'm gonna make her happy.

I'm gonna be faithful to her.

Well, good.

Man, I can't believe it.

You are getting married.

You know, the ultimate step.

How do you...

Harp, I have to, man.

I may be strong

in mind and body,

but emotionally

I'm weak, dawg.

I need Mia in my life. She's

the one who makes me whole.

She's my Earth.

She's my queen.

Man, lam so far from that.

I mean, Robin is great,

but is she the woman

I'm supposed to grow old with?

Here I am. I'm just starting

to come into my own.

And I'm just supposed to commit to her?

Do I even know how to commit?

You committed to that book.

Man, no. No.

Those were on my own terms. All right?

I had sole control.

Lance, you don't understand.

No, I do understand.

Let me tell you something.

And I'm not afraid.

I made God a promise

that if he ever

gave me another

chance with Mia,

I would do right by her.

She has forgiven me for all my

indiscretions, man. It's amazing.

So if she ever slept

with somebody else...

What?

I'd just have to deal with it.

I wouldn't even

question her about it.

All because

of your faith in God?

Lance, I have to say

something to you, man.

What's up, dawg?

Damn! Who locked...

Open the door!

Uncle Skeeter,

what's happening, man?

Man, there are some

fine gals in there.

Lord have mercy!

Why do you want

to get married, boy?

Man, I'm getting

married once. Okay?

I'm not gonna have five alimony

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