The Best Man Holiday Page #5

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What's wrong with you?

What do you know about this?

I know a lot more than you do.

You have a child?

I don't need to have a child in order

to know how to deal with a child.

I know how to deal with a child.

No, you don't!

You're over here dealing

with everything else!

I'm on the phone! Why don't

you get out of my business?

Ms. Notorious! Ms. Notorious Brat!

Ms. Notorious everything!

Hey, hey, hey!

Neutral corners.

I'm sorry, Mia. You want to help?

Help Kennedy.

I ain't nobody's babysitter.

Better call your baby daddy.

I hate your momma.

Ugh! Honestly.

I hate him.

Wait a minute.

This isn't my...

Oh.

I was hoping that we could

schedule a face-to-face meeting.

Yes.

I'm sorry, could you...

Just give me one second.

I'm really sorry, sir.

Kind of busy right now, Shelby.

Are you sure this

isn't a good time?

Good times.

Get your ass in here!

Hey! Hi, girls.

Hey!

Wow! This looks amazing.

And it smells so good.

Doesn't it?

Thanks.

So, what are you making?

Salad.

Salad, right.

So pretty.

Hey, listen, you know, Robyn.

I don't know that

we'll ever be friends,

but I want you to know that I am

really happy for you and Harper.

Why are you telling me this?

Well, sometimes it can be a

little awkward between us.

Like now.

Harper's my boy. You're having his

baby, and his book is brilliant.

You read his book?

Oh, sh*t.

Be careful, Q,

don't hurt yourself.

Y'all trying to tire me out!

Mommy likes

having you guys here.

Your mother, she brings

out the best in all of us.

Your daddy, that's

a different story.

Mommy says the same

thing about all of you.

And I know it's true.

Oh, really? How do

you know it's true?

She's so much better now.

Oh, sh*t! Sh*t,

sh*t, sh*t! F***!

But just keep it between us.

Please, Shelby.

I am begging you.

Okay.

Don't worry.

I can keep a secret.

I'm here as your

friend, Julian.

Okay. Thank you.

Oh, Quentin.

I believe that's mine.

And you need privacy settings.

Those skanks you're texting.

It's nasty.

What the hell is she talking about?

All I mess with is dimes.

Well, not that one. That's Butterface.

Hell, she's...

Mmm.

Really?

Are you sure

you haven't noticed

anything out of

the ordinary with Mia?

Mia?

Mmm-mmm.

I mean, she is just

the sweetest thing.

You know she offered

for us to raid her garage.

Said there's a bunch

of baby stuff in there.

So you want to take

their hand-me-downs now?

She's just being nice.

We should at least look at it.

You know it's

some quality stuff.

Robyn, no. We ain't

nobody's charity case.

Relax.

No.

It's Christmas.

Stop being a Grinch.

So you texted your penis?

I mean, it's not packaged in

any briefs or anything like that?

Just raw penis?

I call it a stimulus package.

Oh, boy.

You remember back in the day,

if we wanted to see booty, we had

to either cop Playboy magazines

or get late-night cable?

And now porn is just

on your smartphone.

Are you okay?

- I'm good.

- You sure?

Yes.

I don't know.

It's kind of freaky,

but it's playful and fun.

Here we go.

Between you and

your mate, it's fine.

I'd do it.

And pregnancy sex is the bomb.

Okay, Joe, I'm eating.

What about you, Candy?

Oh, no. You're not catching

my coochie on YouTube.

My momma would be mortified.

She would be.

Right?

Yes, she would.

Really?

You know what?

She's doing it again.

I am about five minutes

off her motherfucking ass.

God is good, you all.

You know, you all

being here is a gift.

It's the best Christmas

gift I've ever had.

That's so sweet.

I love all of you. And Harper?

Forget your agent.

I'm pretty sure your new book is

going to be absolutely wonderful.

What? Whoa!

What new book?

- No, it's nothing.

- Yeah, Harper, what new book?

What's this one about?

Did Jordan steal this one too?

Mmm-mmm.

Not this time.

Well, I never did, but Mia is exactly

right. It's going to be brilliant.

- And Lance...

- Jordan.

No, no, no.

Lance is not gonna...

You're not gonna like this one, either.

This one's different and...

Okay.

Everybody,

I'll just put it out there.

My last book was not the bestseller

that I thought it would be.

So there, I just put

it out on the table.

Well, you know what they say. Every

setback is a setup for a comeback.

Oh. Who said that?

Dr. Seuss?

No, your momma said it when she had you.

That's who said it.

Oh, my momma? We're taking

it to the streets. Wow.

So, Robyn,

how about that dessert?

Dessert!

- Dessert.

- No.

No. No dessert yet. Not until

we do our talent show.

Oh, no. If we have to sit

through those children...

I'm gonna need something

stronger than this.

No, it's not the kids.

It's air band.

Air band?

Oh, my God!

Okay.

All righty, now.

All right.

Oh, my God!

All right.

On a perfect day

I know that I

can count on you...

All right, Lancie.

Go, Lance!

When that's not possible

That's you, Mia.

Tell me, can you weather the storm?

'Cause I need somebody

Who will stand by me

Through the good

times and bad times

She will always

Come on, baby.

Yes, baby.

Always be right there

Sunny days

Everybody loves them

Tell me, baby,

can you stand the rain?

Get it, baby. Get it.

Storms will come

I know, I know all

the days won't be perfect

Tell me, can you stand it?

Can you stand the rain?

I can't stand it.

You know what?

You need help!

What? I was into it.

They're clean.

No pressure,

no pressure from me, baby

'Cause I want

you and I need you

And I love you, girl

Sh*t!

Yes!

Will you be there for me?

Come on, baby, let's go get wet

You still got it.

All right, y'all better work.

Oh, yeah. That's it.

Long shot.

Okay.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

But you made me like this.

I just don't understand why

you would do something like that.

Mia asked, and I mentioned it.

I didn't know she'd make it

a topic of discussion.

I know, but I specifically

asked you not to.

Okay. Well, then why did you let

Jordan know about your "epic failure"?

What?

She's...

It was about Lance.

Lance? What about...

You mean about his bio?

Oh, Harper.

Is that why we're here?

NYU fired me.

What?

Budget cuts.

Why would you

keep that from me?

Because I didn't

want to worry you.

I didn't want to

stress you out.

I was desperate.

Desperate for what?

We're fine.

We're not...

We're not fine.

I haven't written

a bestseller in years.

And our insurance is sh*t.

And these fertility

treatments...

We're supposed to

be in this together.

I'm scared.

I'm scared, too.

But it's not my fault

what happened before.

I didn't say it was your fault.

That's how you act.

Well, you act like

nothing happened.

You act like nothing... And the

doctor told you to take it easy,

and you're

always working, and...

And I'm afraid

we're gonna lose this...

Stop it.

Stop it.

I can have this baby.

I can have this baby.

Don't you think

I doubt myself sometimes, too?

Why couldn't I carry my babies?

What's wrong with me?

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