The Best Man Holiday Page #4

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even tell what happened.

Or, if something did

happen, you can't tell.

Oh, so I should be okay

knowing that my wife

might have been the headmaster?

Well, you did marry a stripper.

Yeah, but that

didn't matter to me.

If it didn't

matter to you then,

why in the hell is it

mattering to you now?

Could you just put your phone

away, please? Thank you.

Well, now I have two

million dollars to raise.

And I have two little girls!

What if Keisha and Kelly decide

they want to dance for money?

You did marry a stripper.

Would you stop

saying that, please?

You married a stripper.

You know what?

We can solve it

with one question.

What's that?

Which one of them,

either Shelby

or Candace is better

at rocking the mic?

Yeah, I don't remember.

What?

What?

Murch, come on, man.

Every man remembers

his personal best headmaster.

Co-sign.

Yeah, and he should know.

He's been with white chicks.

They can do it.

Murch?

Shelby.

Word?

Was it even close?

No, not really, no.

Murch.

I know.

Hell no, it ain't close.

Amen.

Really?

Look, I'm just saying.

If Candace

ain't the best at

rocking the mic...

I didn't say that. I didn't

say she's not the best.

She can rock the mic.

She's rocking the mic.

She-mutt rocks it, right?

Yes, she does...

I'm done.

I'm saying,

if she's not the best

at rocking the mic,

then maybe she didn't.

Good point.

So, Mia.

What do you think Lance is gonna

do with all of his new free time?

Oh, you better get him some golf

lessons or he will drive you crazy.

Look, he can drive

me crazy all he wants.

Plus, the children would

love to have him around.

It's gonna be nice.

Has he ever thought about

writing his memoirs?

He'd never get that bored.

Yeah, you're probably right,

but you know what?

He's got such a legacy,

and I think people

would love to hear his story.

Your story!

I don't know, it just seems like,

with him retiring, it would be

the perfect time to reflect.

Mmm.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Maybe it is.

Nice move, nice.

Didn't Shelby and

Mia pledge together?

Yes, line sisters.

Line sisters.

Mmm-hmm.

That's why her ass is up here.

Exactly.

Mia and Lance, they take

their Greek life seriously.

What is that, "Friendship

is essential to the soul"?

That's right.

Along with manhood, scholarship,

perseverance and uplifting.

- In case y'all didn't know.

- Okay.

You think your kids

are gonna pledge?

Ain't no think.

Sullivan has been

frat over 100 years,

and we're gonna

keep that moving.

Oh! Nice.

So, tradition, that's one of

your main principles, then?

I didn't say nothing about that.

All right, everybody, then.

If you had to boil

your principles down

into three words,

what would they be?

For me, it would be creativity,

stability and partnership.

Tradition, family and love.

Ancestry,

perseverance,

children.

Money, b*tches,

p*ssy and getting head.

Mother...

That's four, first off.

Money, b*tches,

p*ssy/getting head.

Mmm mmm mmm.

God, family, football.

In that order?

In that order.

L-Boogie!

I thought I'd hit

the trail myself.

Show me the way?

Well, the kids look beautiful.

Getting big.

You must be proud.

Yeah, no doubt, man.

It's the best thing

I could've ever done.

Are you excited?

Me?

Yeah, I'm excited.

Nervous.

Yeah, Robyn and I

were having trouble

conceiving. I don't

know if you heard.

Yeah, I did hear something about that.

Was it low sperm count?

What? No, no.

No, I'm good.

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm not ashamed.

It's just a little bit more of a

challenge than we anticipated.

Are you all right?

I think I got a pebble

in my shoe or something.

You're not the

author of this, man.

What do you mean?

You know, Faith was a breech baby.

For real?

Yeah, no doubt.

29 hours of labor,

and my little baby girl wasn't even

breathing when she came into this world.

Longest 15 seconds of my life.

But our faith.

Our faith never wavered.

Yeah, God's always

got a plan, man.

Just got to trust everything's

going to work out.

I got a team meeting.

Let's do this.

I'll give you a head start.

You were amazing this morning.

I thought we were gonna

wake up the whole house.

You know how much I love you?

Yes, I know how

much you love me.

No, seriously,

do you know how much?

I know that

you're gonna be late.

Wow.

Always on a schedule.

That's me.

I can't help it.

And I love who you are.

Believe me, your whole strong,

independent,

Olivia Pope thing is very sexy.

But sometimes you act

like you don't need me.

I don't.

Everybody needs

somebody, Jordan.

I'll call you when I land.

Yeah. Or maybe I

should just text you.

Is that better?

No. Call me.

Harper, I'm gonna need you

to go to the store later.

Okay, sure.

What's going on?

I'm making dinner tonight.

The caterer broke his arm

slipping on some ice.

Huh.

Too late to find

a replacement, so...

Well, isn't that a lot of work?

I'm fine, Harper.

Okay.

I'll go get dressed.

Thank you.

Mmm-hmm.

So, what's Harper

been working on?

Anything new?

Quentin, you're sure you

got the Thai basil, right?

Yes, man! You told me

for like the 20th time.

I'm just saying.

God!

Robyn's real specific.

Plus, you can't tell

a pregnant lady sh*t.

You got a point there.

Yeah, man. Y'all getting your

balls back for Christmas or what?

Married folk.

Anyway, shoot.

She's supposed to be

on maternity leave.

Here she goes cooking

a four-course meal.

Good for her, man.

She's got Jordan here, man.

She isn't going to be outdone.

Not in the kitchen.

That's her arena.

It's not even like that.

Yeah, it is.

There's hell of a tension.

Man, they should drop the gloves

and start smacking each other.

I hope they show

a titty or something.

No question.

I'm just playin', man.

I know you ain't talking.

Between your wife and your ex, it's

like what, Mob Wives up in here.

You need to have

a pay-per-view event.

Not a bad idea. Maybe that's

the way you can close that

two-million gap you got.

I got it.

Hold up.

I got to take this.

Hold that, hold that.

Hi. Hi.

Hello?

Cute little fuchsia phone you got.

Two million.

That's a big nut.

Yeah, man.

He's going through it, huh?

Everybody's going through it.

Well, how are you doing, shorty?

What do you mean?

You cool?

Yeah.

Money-wise?

Because of the credit card.

No, I'm cool.

It always happens.

I got to call the company, because

it's getting embarrassing, but I'm...

No, this is embarrassing, man.

I'm your man.

Look, you got a baby coming,

and if you need something,

you talk to your friends.

Yeah, I'm good.

Good looking-out.

I appreciate it though.

You're a sensitive brother.

For real. I'm straight.

Hurry up, Murch.

What are you doing?

What am I paying you for?

I'm "TV's Most Notorious. "

The endorsements

should be rolling in.

Notorious Martinis.

Notorious Heels.

Notorious Bubble Bath.

Why am I thinking of this?

Hold on.

Kennedy, please stop eating!

What is wrong with you?

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