The Bet Page #8

---

My only option to get on base

was to get hit by a pitch.

Wait a minute, you

did that on purpose?

Yeah, I had to drink through

a straw for three months and

it was worth it.

We won because I didn't

accept the shitty hand of

cards that fate dealt me.

I took destiny

into my own hands.

Old man opportunity

knocked, the sixth grade

version of myself answered

the door, and then I took

his two balls on my chin.

No, no! No, no, no!

Run, run.

Where's your glove?

Where's your glove?

Safe.

Good lead off, red.

F*** all your mothers.

All of them.

You're up, D.

Let's light this b*tch up.

On your games, boys.

Now batting, Denton Baker.

Son of a b*tch.

Dude, you suck.

Strike.

You know what, Lucas?

You want some esse?

According to this

contract, the bet's not

over til the end of

this season, right?

Yeah.

Well there's still eight innings

left to win this thing.

-Okay, okay.

-Hey, Jackson.

Game's not over, boys!

You're right.

I have been a p*ssy.

I need you to

stall this game.

Help!

My jockstrap is

twisted around my balls.

Come on.

Delay of game, blue!

You know, I wanted to wear

it like Maris did during

his 61 homerun season.

I read that he did that on

the back of his baseball card.

This is bullshit, Jackson.

I'm a bit of a

card collector.

Tops.

Hey, focus!

Don't look at him!

Look at me.

Don't look at me.

Fleer, Waxpacks.

Where you going?

To take a set of

balls on the chin.

What?

What, is he gay now?

No, no, it's a metaphor.

Honis Wagner of

the Honis Wanger card.

Blue!

-Delay of game.

-Wayne Gretsky.

God!

It's like a

hangman's noose!

And that was the Sneeches

by Dr. Seuss.

Do you guys know what the

moral of the story is?

The moral of the story is

that there was this one

boy sneech who

was confused.

What are you doing?

There was this girl sneech who

was amazing and beautiful and

funny and confident in who she

is and he thought to himself.

He thought, you know what?

You know what I need?

I need, I need, I need a

couple stars under my belt

to really impress

this girl.

The girl sneech.

So he goes over to his boys in

Whoville and he says to them...

They were like, you

know what, dude?

You need, you need

to be confident.

You need to be like

the Cat in the Hat.

So he goes over and he

slams some beers with

Thing 1 and Thing 2, he

hits the town, he hooks up

with a bunch of chicks.

That's not who he is.

That's not what

he's about.

He's more like the

Lorax in reality.

Planting grickle grass,

and climbing truckular

trees, and smoking cheese

with the Barbaluts.

What are you

trying to say?

Amanda, I fell in love

with you this summer.

I screwed it up.

I just screwed it up.

But you need to know that

the man that I was when I

was with you, that's

who I really am.

Yeah, the sneech may have

stolen a blind girl's

glasses and shot a jizz

pistol in a dude's mouth.

That happened.

That did.

I'm not asking you

for a second chance.

If this is the last time

I get to see you then I

understand, but you need

to know that from now on

I'm gonna be

who I really am.

Who I always was.

The sneech knows where

his real star is.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm so lonely.

How we doing, boys?

Good, man. Bottom of nine,

all tied up.

How'd it go?

Not the

smoothest actually.

But atleast I

came clean to her.

Yeah, well you're a better

man for it and all that.

Right.

You're up, D.

Here we go!

Here we go!

Big D.

Here we go.

Move it back.

Here we go.

-Big hitter, big hitter!

-Denton.

Let's go.

Dead man walking.

Everyone's getting

f***ed in the ass.

I'm gonna f*** so many

b*tches in your house,

it's gonna be disgusting.

Every single one of these fucks

is getting f***ed in the ass.

Yeah, you're whole bedroom is

gonna be painted in my semen.

Time out!

Are you...

Hey, hi, hi!

Denton, did you really

mean what you said?

It's the most honest

I've been all summer.

This is bullshit.

Is this bet really

that important to you?

No.

Come on.

It's not as important

as being with you.

Let's play ball.

I gotta full on

Louisville Chubber.

Me too.

-Now go win this game.

-Okay.

Hey, Amanda?

Hi, Amanda Morrison?

-Yeah.

-I'm Denise Davids.

You don't know me.

Listen, I'm not

gonna hurt you, okay?

I do have to show you

something right now.

It's important.

You may not like it.

But you might.

Here we go, D.

Knock his cock right

off of his body.

We want pain, we

wanna see blood.

-Here we go!

-Alright.

Let's see what you got.

This one's for you, daddy.

Son, I'm so

proud of you.

Here we go, D.

Right in his p*ssy.

Right in his p*ssy.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Big hitter, big hitter.

You always made me proud,

and you know what,

your momma was proud, too.

Yo, B, we got a problem, dog.

Don't answer it.

Shut up.

Last night's movie leaked.

Are you shitting me?

Is this train

going to Paris?

Why indeed it is, ma'am.

All aboard.

Next stop, the

Eiffel Tower.

I love big, erect things.

Well you are in luck, ma'am,

because we have two.

Let's get a moving here.

My god.

Full steam ahead!

F*** what you stand for!

F*** everything

that you like!

Yes!

You f***ing...

You little son of a b*tch!

Shut the f*** up, old man!

Hey, you know

what, Jackson?

You can have the game.

You'll never play in

this league again.

Denton lost the

f***ing bet.

Actually, Lucas,

no, he didn't.

You're b*tch 11.

He's still one b*tch shy.

That means your

house is mine.

And I'm gonna burn it to

the goddamn ground right

after I take a

huge sh*t in it.

Denise.

I think you have one more

text message to send.

What?

For our next motion picture,

the Pole Her Express.

Is this train going

to the south pole?

It isn't, ma'am, but

you can go south on my pole.

Let me slide

on down here.

Lord, here we go.

Santa's dropping his load.

That's a whole lot of egg nog.

You're welcome.

Merry Christmas to you.

Twelve girls in one summer.

Damn!

As my first official act

as the new CEO of Mr. B's

Gourmet Condoms...

Mr. Lucas, you're

f***ing fired.

Brandon, you are

super f***ing fired.

What the hell is

going on?

The contact signed

by Brandon himself.

Daddy, I can explain.

You goddamn f***ing moron!

Daddy, I'm sorry!

You greedy little sh*t.

-I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

-Jesus f***ing...

Yeah, that's right.

You guys can suck

our black d*cks.

Yeah, man. You can suck

all our black d*cks.

That's right, boy.

Now as my second official

act as the CEO, I intend

to return the company back to

its original owner and creator.

The world's

greatest inventor.

My dad.

-Me?

-Yes.

-You're giving it to me?

-Yes

- Me? My god.

- Yeah.

I kinda have a

thing for inventors.

-And you.

-No.

But there's still

something that I owe you.

Boom!

Dad! Dad?

That's right, Brandon.

We throw low around here.

Rain jimmies on these b*tches.

Get 'em up!

Throw 'em up!

All of them!

Get all of them!

Look, Amanda, about these

last couple months.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes