The Big Gay Musical Page #2

No flood?

No Iightning?

No wrath of God?

I guess He approves.

C'mon.

We've gotta be

good neighbors.

[Text signal]

Another text from

the boyfriend?

Sebastian is not my boyfriend.

We've only been dating

a couple weeks.

Honey, you've been

single forever.

If I were you I'd call

him a boyfriend

just so I could say I had

one this millennium.

It's not about having a boyfriend.

It's about finding the right one.

I have a little surprise for you.

Because you've both

been so wonderful,

I'm giving you some

special wedding gifts.

What?!

He's giving them more stuff!

I bet they'll start

singing show tunes.

Art, fashion, creativity, music!

? Look at them who are so happy. ?

? Look at them, so content. ?

? Living there in our garden

while we're here in a tent! ?

? This fight isn't over. ?

? No, they are gonna pay! ?

? Those man who are so happy, ?

? those men who are so gay! ?

Maybe that's what

we should call 'em.

Gays!

'Cause they're happy.

Shut up!

Hey, this isn't my fault!

God and his damn fruit.

Oh, hey Steve.

Hey Adam.

Look what I just made.

OK, now it's official.

You are a genius!

Oh you're too sweet.

Who would've ever thought

you could get this awesome

juice out of a potato?

Well look at these cool

glasses you made.

They're hand blown!

That has always been one

of your specialties.

What about last night?

You figured out how

to pull the skin back.

It's so much better that way.

I know, now I really like bananas.

Hey, I wonder if our kids

are going to be like us...

or like them.

What do you mean?

How do we now if our kids are

going to be cultured and stuff?.

Or like us?

Well, we'll just have to teach our

kids to be like us, that's all.

And tell them to stay away

from the garden.

Hey!

Who are you?

Hi, I'm Adam

and this is my husband Steve.

What's your name?

Cain.

Do you want a banana?

Mommy,

can I eatAdam's banana?

Make sure you

pull the skin back.

Stay away from them!

They're trying

to convert our children.

That's how they plan to do it.

They don't have to go through

labor pains at all.

They just use fruit!

Cain!

God doesn't like the gay people.

That's why he keeps them locked

up in the gated garden.

And He's given us...

this entire desert,

which is why He loves us more.

? Be careful of gaypeople, ?

? and theirperverted needs. ?

? Theywantyou to be like them, ?

? but God needs you to breed. ?

? Those gays want to convert you ?

? and your little brother too. ?

? Make your parents proud of you. ?

? You know what just to do. ?

Go check on your little brother.

? This fight isn 't over. ?

? No, they are gonna pay. ?

? Those men who are so happy,?

? those men who are so gay. ?

Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!

What is it Cain?

I had to...

I had to kill Abel.

What?

Why?

He was...

He was...

He was singing a showtune.

NO!

Not a showtune!

? Somehow they got to Abel, ?

? andtaught him their sick ways. ?

? Wontyou please protect me Mommy ?

? from turning out that way? ?

Don't worry Cain.

I'll protect you from those people!

I promise you Mommy,

I will never ever

sing a showtune.

? We'll show His chosen people ?

?just who will win this fight. ?

? Abel's death

is on their heads now. ?

? I know that we are right. ?

? We must stop them

from recruiting ?

? new people to their fray. ?

? And hate has many uses. ?

? We hate those who are gay! ?

Cain, get th at book

Mama's been working on.

You mean the Breeder's lnformational

Book of Living Examples?

Yes, honey.

But we call it

"the B.I.B.L.E." for short.

What are you writing it for?

I have to teach our descendants

to hate the gays.

Do you think this book will be enough

to warn them in the future?

What if they don't believe it?

They'll believe what they read.

In five thousand year from now,

they wont even know who

wrote the damn thing!

? We'll get His chosen people. ?

? Those men, we'll make them pay. ?

? I will teach all of the children ?

? to hate those who are gay. ?

? All of those showtune singing ?

? gays! ?

Hey.

Hi.

You 're cute.

Thanks.

I'm just here to relax.

I can help with that.

I'm actually seeing someone.

I'm not gonna tell him.

I'm not here to hook up.

C'mon, just let me suck you off.

No!

Just leave me the f*** alone.

I tried to be nice but... Christ!

Dick.

Can I talk to you about something?

Sure, what is it?

My parents are coming

to opening night.

That's great!

It is. I mean they've always

been so supportive,

but I never expected them to

come all the way for this.

It is your first New York opening.

You shouldn't be surprised.

I know, but my parents

are very religious.

Oh, so do your parents know

what the show is about?

I told them it was "Adam and

Eve - The Way God Made 'Em".

Yeah, there gonna be surprised.

And they don't know about me either.

This is gonna be good.

I'm sorry.

I'm serious.

I'm freaking out.

They wouldn't let us

read Harry Potter,

because it was all magic

and against God.

Well if they think Harry

Potter is sacrilegious,

I cant wait to hear their

review of this show.

I try to be good,

I don't have sex...

But you've had sex right?

What?

Seriously?

I wanted to wait for the right guy.

But I don't really go out and meet

people so I never really found one.

Wow. But haven't you

ever been curious?

No.

Yes.

I don't know.

Look, sex is the last thing on my mind

right now. What am I gonna do?

I wish I knew what to tell you.

My parents are gonna hate me.

No they're not. It's all gonna

be OK. Trust me.

Look, we gotta go.

We'll talk later?.

Yeah.

Ok.

God I wish this wasn't happening.

And just as the prophecies foretold,

five thousand years later,

God putAdam and Steve back on the

Earth to prove their love was real,

and able to beat the obstacles

of the modern world.

They were put in different places,

and in homes that used the Breeders

lnformational Book of Living Examples.

? I was sitting backstage ?

? and wondering what to say ?

? so I raised my hands to Heaven ?

? and I began to pray. ?

? And Jesus said to ?

? praise Him. ?

? Jesus said to ?

? love Him. ?

? Jesus said to ?

? glorify Him. ?

? Yes, Jesus said. ?

? Oh, Jesus said ?

? find salvation. ?

? He said make a...

donation. ?

? Jesus said, oh Jesus said.

Oh, yes he said! ?

And Jesus said to me,

"Patty Maye,

Patty Maye, I want you to go out

and tell the people how you feel.

Tell them how you feel

about being a Christian."

So Jesus, this one's for you.

? I'm proud to be a Christian ?

? and to love my fellow man. ?

? Proud to be a Christian ?

? to help others when I can. ?

? I'm proud to be a Christian ?

? and be nice to everyone. ?

? We're not better than

the Jews or the Arabs ?

? as they continue to fight. ?

? We're not better than the

Catholics, those boozers, ?

? but we are always right. ?

And do you know why

I know we're right?

? And Jesus said to ?

? praise Him. ?

? Jesus said to ?

? love Him. ?

? Jesus said to ?

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