The Big Lebowski Page #17

LEBOWSKI:

Start talking and talk fast you lousy

bum!

BRANDT:

We've been frantically trying to

reach you, Dude.

Brandt sits catty-corner from the Dude; directly across from

the Dude is the big Lebowski, a comforter across his knees.

LEBOWSKI:

Where's my goddamn money, you bum?!

DUDE:

Well we--I don't--

LEBOWSKI:

They did not receive the money, you

nitwit! They did not receive the

goddamn money. HER LIFE WAS IN YOUR

HANDS!

BRANDT:

This is our concern, Dude.

DUDE:

No, man, nothing is f***ed here--

LEBOWSKI:

NOTHING IS F***ED! THE GODDAMN PLANE

HAS CRASHED INTO THE MOUNTAIN!

The Dude takes a hurried sip from his drink.

DUDE:

C'mon man, who're you gonna believe?

Those guys are--we dropped off the

damn money--

LEBOWSKI:

WHAT?!

DUDE:

I--the royal we, you know, the

editorial--I dropped off the money,

exactly as per--Look, I've got certain

information, certain things have

come to light, and uh, has it ever

occurred to you, man, that given the

nature of all this new sh*t, that,

uh, instead of running around blaming

me, that this whole thing might just

be, not, you know, not just such a

simple, but uh--you know?

LEBOWSKI:

What in God's holy name are you

blathering about?

DUDE:

I'll tell you what I'm blathering

about! I got information--new sh*t

has come to light and--sh*t, man!

She kidnapped herself!

Lebowski stares at him, dumbstruck. The Dude is encouraged.

DUDE:

Well sure, look at it! Young trophy

wife, I mean, in the parlance of our

times, owes money all over town,

including to known pornographers--

and that's cool, that's cool-- but

I'm saying, she needs money, and of

course they're gonna say they didn't

get it 'cause she wants more, man,

she's gotta feed the monkey, I mean--

hasn't that ever occurred to you...?

Sir?

LEBOWSKI:

(quietly)

No. No Mr. Lebowski, that had not

occurred to me.

BRANDT:

That had not occurred to us, Dude.

DUDE:

Well, okay, you're not privy to all

the new sh*t, so uh, you know, but

that's what you pay me for. Speaking

of which, would it be possible for

me to get my twenty grand in cash?

I gotta check this with my accountant

of course, but my concern is that,

you know, it could bump me into a

higher tax--

LEBOWSKI:

Brandt, give him the envelope.

DUDE:

Well, okay, if you've already made

out the check. Brandt is handing

him a letter-sized envelope which is

distended by something inside.

BRANDT:

We received it this morning.

The Dude, frowning, untucks its flap, takes out some cotton

wadding and unrolls it.

LEBOWSKI:

Since you have failed to achieve,

even in the modest task that was

your charge, since you have stolen

my money, and since you have

unrepentantly betrayed my trust.

The wadding, undone, reveals a smaller wad of gauze taped up

inside. The Dude undoes the tape with his fingernails and

starts to unroll the inner package.

LEBOWSKI:

I have no choice but to tell these

bums that they should do whatever is

necessary to recover their money

from you, Jeffrey Lebowski. And

with Brandt as my witness, tell you

this:
Any further harm visited upon

Bunny, shall be visited tenfold upon

your head.

Between thumb and forefinger the Dude holds up the contents

of the package--a little toe, with emerald green nail polish.

LEBOWSKI:

...By God sir. I will not abide

another toe.

COFFEE SHOP:

The Dude and Walter sit at the counter, both staring off

into space, both absently stirring their coffee with little

clinking noises.

AFTER A LONG BEAT:

WALTER:

That wasn't her toe.

DUDE:

Whose toe was it, Walter?

WALTER:

How the f*** should I know? I do

know that nothing about it indicates--

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