The Big Sick Page #11

Thank you, guys. I love you.

Hello?

Kumail, is that you?

- Yeah.

- It's Terry.

Uh, listen,

we're not moving her.

The doctor...

Have you guys heard of this new

drug cocktail called cheese?

Like, that's the name of it,

it's called cheese.

Um... I saw all these news

reports, and they were like,

"there's a new drug,

it's called cheese.

Everyone's doing it in the

Midwest, kids are doing it."

It's just really hard

to do stand-up comedy

when your girlfriend

is in a coma.

Uh...

Not quite sure what part

you were laughing at.

They say she's fighting,

but she doesn't look like

she's fighting,

she looks like she's just...

She looks like

she's just laying there.

I said horrible things to her,

and, um,

I said horrible things to her,

I h... I hurt her.

Um...

She loves birds.

Like, she gets excited

every time she sees a bird.

She's like,

"look at this, it's a bird."

I'm always like, "yeah,

they're all over the place.

They're birds."

But she, like...

She likes that bird, you know?

Every bird she sees,

she sees it.

Her dad just called and said

that they can't transfer her...

because the infection

has reached her heart.

Uh...

Which...

Which means she...

which means she could die.

I don't know if you can hear me

or not, but...

it would be really good

if you pulled through.

If you have to go,

you can go, but...

It would be really great

if you stayed.

Uh...

And I'm really sorry

for what I did, okay?

Dr. Singh, to the pharmacy.

Dr. Singh,

to the pharmacy.

Mom.

You're getting your tears

all over me.

When am I gonna be able

to feel my face?

Hmm.

Hey, you gave us

quite a scare there, scout.

- Really.

- Scout?

Come on, I call you that

all the time.

- No, not since I was a grown-up.

- Yes, I do.

I've been calling you that

my whole life.

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

- Oh.

- Sorry, hon.

- What's happening?

- You okay, you all right?

- What is that crap?

We have to thicken

your liquids for a bit.

Your esophagus isn't strong

enough to swallow yet.

- That sh*t tastes like semen.

That's nice

- for a father to hear.

- She won't have

any social inhibitions until

the... the anesthetic wears off.

- No, wait a minute, honey.

- Stop saying that.

Seriously, mom,

you should try this.

Oh, come on, come on, come on.

They'll charge us $48 for it,

don't worry about it.

Why are you here?

I.. I haven't heard

her voice in awhile.

He's been, he's been here

the whole time.

Could I speak with you

both... outside?

Yeah.

We'll be right back.

- Yeah, we'll be right outside.

- All right.

- Hey.

Emily has a rare

condition called

adult-onset still's disease.

Kumail mentioned

Emily's hurt ankle,

and the swelling

still hadn't gone down

even after several days in bed,

- which is strange.

- Mm.

Still's disease is when the body

thinks healthy tissue

is an infection

so it tries to fight it.

- Uh-huh. -It's like a big

biological misunderstanding.

- Yeah, yeah.

- So,

we gave her anti-inflammatories

and she stabilized within hours.

She's gonna take time

to recover,

but she'll be fine.

- Wow. -

- Full recovery.

What are you doing here?

I was visiting someone

down the hall,

and I was, like,

I'll just pop in

- and say hi to Emily.

- Oh.

Oh, I'm joking.

I'm here for you.

You're an a**hole,

and I don't like you.

I'm not an a**hole.

I'm really not.

- Oh, no, you're an a**hole.

- You have a lot of drugs in you,

so you're, like,

not thinking as clearly.

No, dawg, I'm not joking.

You're not funny to me.

You just make me sad.

You make me sad

inside of my heart,

and it makes me sad

to look at you.

So I think you should

probably go.

Just go, and tell my mom

I want her.

Will you please get my mom?

- I'm so sorry about that.

- Yeah, it's fine. Yeah.

Um, Emily wants to see you.

Oh.

Um, I'm gonna head out.

I don't think I should be here.

Uh, Kumail, here's the thing.

Your living condition,

it's, uh...

It's a potential health risk.

And you're not that funny.

But you're probably not suited

to do anything else either,

so that's troublesome.

You really made it sound

like you were gonna

say something positive there.

Yeah, I guess I did, didn't I?

Well, you know...

You know I know the good stuff.

I know the good stuff.

I don't know, so you know...

You know how I feel.

I got to...

- I got to get in.

- Yeah.

What'd I miss?

What'd I miss?

Brick on top of

the grilled cheese and...

Yeah.

Yeah, I want that.

- Be right back.

- Bacon or something...

- Hey.

- Hey.

So you're gonna hang around

Chicago for a while?

Yeah.

- She's got physical therapy.

- Oh.

Did you ever think

you'd be excited

to have your daughter

go through physical therapy?

It's so strange

that we could go through

one of the most intense

experiences

of our lives together

and just...

Just never see each other again.

Maybe.

But I hope not.

Threw a bird at you

and then ran away,

and you're, like, "oh, crap!

I own a bird now!"

Hi, little sad man.

Mopey boy.

- Hey.

- We have something to tell you.

Yes. Tell him.

- We're moving to New York.

- New York.

- What?

- Mm-hmm.

And we want you to come with us.

Are you serious?

You got to do it.

It's gonna suck at first,

- and maybe we'll eventually get

paid to write jokes. -Mm-hmm.

But we're gonna have each other,

It's gonna be the best.

Come on, dude.

You have to come.

I know you did not

get Montreal,

and that is only because

you did one of the worst sets

I've ever seen

in my goddamn life.

- Yeah.

- It was nonsense.

A living disgrace.

I would call it sh*t,

but I would be worried

that I'd be insulting

actual sh*t.

Yeah, it was so

bone-chilling to me,

I thought a ghost had

passed right through me.

We don't have to keep going over

how bad the set was.

I saw their faces

and the noises they didn't make.

- I felt one of my eggs die.

Doesn't that happen,

like, every month?

It happens every month, Kumail,

but I don't always

feel it and go.

- And that's what you made me do.

- Yeah.

I'm packing my things up,

and I'm moving to New York,

and guess what, baby.

You're coming with me.

What about Chris?

Have you ever seen a pigeon

try and pick up another pigeon?

He will be fine.

There's not enough room

in the car, probably.

We leave in a week.

All right?

And I already called shotgun,

Chicago to Pittsburgh.

Do not f*** this up.

Your destiny awaits.

This'll be the biggest

move of your life,

other than the one

from Pakistan.

Yeah.

I didn't have any kind

of epiphany or anything...

Hey, clink, clink, clink,

clink, clink.

Hey, everybody.

Thank you for coming.

I just want to say

a couple, uh...

A couple of words here.

Mom, why is Kumail here?

'Cause he was there

the whole time, you know.

I invited the nurses,

I invited him.

And, um, for...

- I want to say something.

I want to say something. -Dad.

Emily, come on up,

come on up here.

Talk amongst yourselves.

- This might take a...

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