The Big Sick Page #9

They have no idea.

- Right.

- I don't know.

My mom says I'm becoming

like the bruised apple

at the bottom

of the apple bucket.

- No. No, no, no, you're not.

- Yeah.

- I am.

- No, you're not.

So, do you want

to hang out sometime?

Like, without our parents.

Have you been to the cat caf?

The cats just come up to you

and nestle in your lap,

and you just... pet them.

I don't think

that's a good idea.

You don't like... cats?

I mean...

I don't think it's a good idea

for us to hang out again.

It's not you.

You're... fantastic.

I just can't do this arranged

marriage thing... with anybody.

So why did you meet me?

It wasn't my idea.

I'm just really tired.

Do you ever want

to just be in a relationship

so you can just finally relax?

I'm sorry.

You deserve better than me.

People always telling me

what I deserve.

It's bullshit.

And stop being so sorry

about everything.

I'm gonna go.

And do you know what?

I watched the X-files...

Like, three whole episodes...

And it's a bad show.

Wow.

They should call this web site,

"everything is cancer, dot-com."

Whatever symptom you put in,

it... could be cancer.

Hiccups could be cancer.

Come on.

Take the fun out of hiccups now.

But you know, this is the

17th best hospital in Chicago?

- Really? Out of how many?

- I don't know.

But Northwestern's number one.

How do they rate,

- or what's the methodology?

- I-i don't know, Terry.

But 17th is bad.

It's not great.

Unless the sample size is...

You know, that all depends.

Here, look at the comments.

This is why I don't want

to go online,

'cause it's never good.

You go online,

they hated Forrest Gump.

Frickin' best movie ever.

Yeah, I know.

Well, it,

no, it hasn't been that long.

Like, three hours, maybe.

Oh, hey, I-i...

All right, I got to go.

- Terry, hi.

- Hey.

- Can we talk?

- Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

We got the biopsy results.

They are, unfortunately,

inconclusive.

Uh, we're concerned

because it is also...

Well, wait, wait,

what does that mean?

It means it's aggressive.

It means that...

I mean, they-they

couldn't find out what

the disease was or where the...

Where the virus came from,

- the bacteria, whatever.

- But-but they took out

- the infection, so it shouldn't matter.

- I know. That's what

I said. But, uh,

her vitals didn't normalize.

And-and now they say,

the infection,

it's-it's continuing to spread.

It's in her kidneys now.

- But the kidneys are

so far from the lungs. -I know.

It's an aggressive infection,

and-and they said

what they got to do now is

they just got to figure out

- what this mystery disease actually is.

- Uh-huh, uh-huh,

uh-huh, uh-huh,

uh-huh.

I'm calling Northwestern.

- Just hold on, hold on.

- Terry, goddamn it...

- I think we should talk about...

- Shut up.

I'm sick of this sh*t, Terry.

We're getting her out of here.

They're in the middle of the...

Of the whole process

- of elimination. -So you're

saying Northwestern can't take

that information

and continue the search?

This place is a shithole.

I'm sorry.

Anna, could I have that?

Will you just stop for a second,

all right? They are the doctors.

You-you act like you know

what you're talking about.

- Doctors are not the same.

- You don't.

- You got a phone? -Yeah.

- Don't give her the phone.

I can't find my cell phone.

Don't...

You don't need a phone.

You don't need to call anybody

right now. The...

They're doing it.

They're the experts here, and...

- And I trust them. -One, five...

- Oh, well, that's very nice,

but I don't. Can you unlock

that thing? There-there's

a reason they're number 17

and Northwestern's number one.

And that's not because people

trust them. Thank you.

Wait, you think you're smarter

than me. You say big sentences.

Okay, well, you're not.

You're not.

I don't think

I'm smarter than you.

You just don't think

you're as smart as I am.

- That's not my fault.

- Right, it's...

It's never your fault.

Everything's my fault.

Oh, there are some things

that are definitely...

Just your fault.

Okay, that's-that's bullshit.

You need to stop freaking out

and calm down.

And you need

to stop being a coward.

Right.

The greatest hits coming back.

Okay, you can just...

Well, you can stop.

I'll-I'll replay

the rest of this from memory.

Yeah, don't... listen to me...

Oh. You're giraffe-ing it.

It's the biggest thing they had.

I don't even know

if she likes giraffes.

We never talked about...

Giraffes.

Hey, do they know

what they're doing?

'Cause they don't tell us

anything.

Like, uh, Lyme disease.

You know, the girl

on the real world had it.

Did you guys look for that?

- Yes, we did. -You know,

she gets hurt all the time,

and she messed up her ankle

recently. Could that be lupus?

Listen,

we're looking into everything.

We're not holding anything

back from you.

We're still just eliminating

possibilities.

'Cause Beth wants

to move her to Northwestern.

No. Emily should not be moved.

The hospital will approve it,

because it'll get the liability

off their hands.

But we put her in a coma

for a reason...

To stabilize her.

Moving her

could be very dangerous.

Trust me, she is fighting this,

and so are we.

Hey, Terry,

I-i was just talking to the n...

- You okay?

- Yeah.

Yeah, of course.

Fine. Totally fine.

Just, uh...

Beth went to Emily's, so, uh...

I'm gonna wait here

till they kick me out, you know?

Just-just keep an eye on her.

Do you want to crash

at my place?

You got golf channel?

No.

That wasn't funny, right?

Oh, I didn't... I thought

that was a serious question.

Let's get the f*** out of here.

So...

This is the place.

Huh. Wow.

This place is terrible.

Hey, uh, I talked to nurse Judy,

and she was saying that, like,

moving Emily

could be a bad idea.

Really?

Yeah, she said

it could be dangerous.

Like, something...

Yeah, I-i hear you.

Hmm.

I just...

I'd give anything just to...

Trade places with Emily.

You know?

Being a parent,

it's-it's a nightmare.

Loving somebody this much sucks.

Yeah.

And, uh,

I guess you've noticed

the tension between Beth and me.

Uh, not really.

Uh, it's none of my business,

- so I don't try to...

- Yeah, no, it's...

Uh, it's there.

Big-time.

It's getting really late.

We should go to sleep.

I cheated on her.

F***.

I did.

It was just a one-night stand.

- Okay. -We met at some bar

in Cincinnati.

They-they have

these teacher conferences.

Who goes to a math conference

to get laid?

Math teachers?

Yeah.

I-I think I was depressed.

- That's what it was.

- Yeah.

Let's talk about it tomorrow.

Get a full night's sleep,

- tackle it fresh in the morning...

- She just

smelled so good.

It was horrible, too.

As soon as I was finished,

as soon as I finished,

I was like,

"what did you f***ing do?!

"What did you just do?!

What did you do?!"

You know, that-that, uh,

moment of clarity you get,

right after an orgasm.

Yeah.

I told Beth right away.

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