The Big Street Page #7

There's another clip

all covered with his thumbprints.

The cops get it with a letter

if I don't get back in an hour.

Well.

Little hyped up, ain't you, Pinks?

I certainly am.

I got you right in the henhouse.

- I ain't in on nothing.

- Yeah? That ain't the way I heard it.

- Look, Case, I ain't holding no bags.

- Shut up.

- Maybe there won't be no bags.

- Maybe not.

- You could use a little cash, couldn't you?

- Maybe.

There's something else

I could use more.

- Such as what?

- Such as this club tomorrow night.

Wait a minute. What do you mean?

I wanna take the joint over

for a private party.

- Who's giving it?

- Me.

- You? I really am mixed-up.

- I'm very clear.

Vintage champagne, caviar,

the best, see? And on you.

- And you invite the guests.

- What guests?

The best people in town, but especially

a guy named Decatur Reed.

- And if I do?

- You get the clip and everything back.

Well, it's wacky, but it's a deal.

- And you keep your part.

- Lf you keep yours.

I got the invitation

all figured out. Take it.

You are cordially invited to attend

a supper party in honor of Her Highness.

Saturday, the 11 th of January,

at the Florida Club.

Signed, Agustus Pinkerton II.

- Who's that?

- That's me.

"...at the Florida Club.

Signed, Agustus Pinkerton II."

Oh, I don't believe it.

It's a few other people.

Well, what are we so upset about?

It's no screwier than usual.

Anyway, nobody's gonna go

to said party.

A lady flung this cable

out of a car window into my lap.

It's clear that Pinks has been

engaging in extra-legal activities.

What's all the fuss?

Nothing, except Pinks is throwing

a soiree at the Florida Club.

- I know.

- Oh, she knows.

You'd think he'd flung one every day.

Violette, it smells uncomfortable.

Pinks knows what he's doing.

Pinks knows what he wants.

- We can't interfere.

- It's all very confusing.

It's all very clear.

Pinks is trying to save

Her Highness' life.

So what if he borrowed a dress

and a few trinkets to do it?

So what? Means 20 years.

Could even mean

a federal sneezer.

- Which can be very unpleasant.

- Listen to me.

Maybe it's wrong, maybe it's right,

I don't know.

All I do know is the color's

come back to her face...

...and her eyes aren't dull and dead.

- Maybe the cops won't see it that way.

If it's a crime to save a life, so okay,

it's a crime. That ain't up to us.

But what about him ruining his life?

- Yeah, and where's he gonna stop?

- Ask somebody else those questions.

The fellow who invented love,

maybe he knows, I don't.

- Nobody can argue with that.

- Except me.

Why don't you all help

instead of blabbering?

What do you want us to do?

It's up to us to see that the party's

the biggest success since the world's fair.

We gotta help Pinks save her life.

We gotta make

this whole town turn out.

Gentlemen, she's right.

Because if we don't, boys...

...we'll never be able

to have a decent dream again.

Order. Order, gentlemen.

Let us hear from the chairman

of the Committee on Arrangements.

We will have a terrific gate.

Through bartenders, barbers,

shoeshine boys, bell captains, et cet...

...we have spread the rumor that this party

is for Her Highness, the Princess of Carolia.

- Who is the Princess of Carolia?

- That is Gentleman George's department.

She's a royalty-type cookie, off of whom

I snatched a pearl lavaliere in my youth.

She lives in Puerto Rico now.

Now the chairman

on the Decatur Reed Committee...

...Mr. Nicely Nicely Johnson.

- He ain't gonna come.

- What?

- What do you mean?

Give me one good reason why not.

His valet informs me he's gonna be on

the meet at Palm Beach with another doll.

- Oh, dear.

- Mr. Chairman. Mr. Chairman.

I make a motion we get a pancake

with a voice like a chocolate soda...

...to call him on the phone,

say she's Gloria, and invite him to the party.

Yeah.

Such a female party

I have the telephone number of.

Gentlemen,

the motion is out of order.

- Why?

- Because Decatur Reed now knows...

...that Her Highness

is somewhat damaged goods.

We could appeal to his sympathy.

Said glamour boy is strictly

the no-sympathy type.

Well, I move we persuade him.

Attaboy, Nicely Nicely.

- Second it.

- All those in favor.

- Aye.

- Motion carried.

Nicely Nicely and Horsethief are appointed

chairman and vice chairman respectively...

...of the Persuade Decatur Reed

Committee.

Yeah, that's fine.

- But what about us boys?

- Yeah, what can we do to help?

How do we fit in?

Order, gentlemen.

We constitute a committee of the whole...

...to see to it that no interruptions

mar the festivities...

...such as, to wit, the police.

Yeah. And we'll all wind up in stripes.

Order.

The chair makes a motion

that love is the most important thing.

- All those in favor?

- Aye.

Meeting adjourned.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- Hey, what is this, a holdup?

- Please, Mr. Reed, such language.

We merely wish to borrow you

for a few hours.

Borrow? Are you kidding?

I'm late for a reception in Palm Beach.

You're right about the reception,

but it's not Palm Beach.

Get in that car,

and cease the dialogue.

Please, Mr. Reed,

don't make with the fists.

I was a contender for the middleweight

championship of the world in 1927.

- You never had a look-in.

- Oh, yeah?

I would've had that diamond belt

if I hadn't broken my pinkie.

- No, you don't.

- Take your hands off me.

Horsethief, I apologize.

I forgot all about your pinkie.

That's all right. I prefer to forget

what might have been.

My dear, I hear on excellent authority

it's really the Princess of Carolia.

- No. How do you know?

- My bootblack told me.

I do hope we aren't late.

- Do you think Her Highness has arrived yet?

- Oh, magnificent. Simply magnificent.

Exquisite.

Exquisite.

Fethington, Rambsbottom, Chicister...

...and, yes, Fifington Smythe.

Would you kindly circle about and see to it

that our guests have a gay time?

Don't use your fists

unless absolutely necessary.

- Hey, Ables.

- What do you want?

- More champagne.

- Who do you think I am, Sherman Billingsley?

I said champagne, Ables. And none

of this eyewash you're trying to palm off.

Confine it to the McCoy.

Okay, anything else?

I just gave the chef orders to make it

squab, partridge and pheasant.

You can't get away with lamb chops.

- It's good with pineapple.

- I'll do all the thinking.

All right. But when

does the bride arrive?

Where is Her Highness?

People are beginning to scrunch around.

She'll be here at 9 sharp.

Yeah, and everybody else

will leave at 9:
02.

Fancy party. Aren't you glad

you changed your mind?

- I changed...

- Start circulating.

And no false moves. Remember,

there's others besides us watching you.

Make out like

you're having a good time.

You've a very funny idea

of a good time.

- Decatur.

- Oh, hello, Mimi. Colonel.

- Hello.

- I thought you were going to Palm Beach.

I received a very urgent invitation

to attend this party.

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