The Big Wedding Page #4

Don't be ridiculous.

l mean, it's just,

l never thought l'd actually meet her.

You really think

you and Dad can pull this off?

We're adults.

Since when?

Oh, no.

How many pictures can one woman have?

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, yeah.

That is so not okay. Oh, no, no, no.

Alejandro?

Looks just like him, right?

Yeah, if l ever finish.

What's that? l don't understand.

She asked if you know Missy well.

Si, si. Since...

Her parents are friends of ours.

Do you think that

Missy and l love each other enough

to have happiness forever?

She thinks you are a serpent.

Well, flattery will get you everywhere.

lt's a symbol of duality,

the struggle between spirit and matter.

l know she's not saying

something good about me.

Perverse thrill of a man competing

with the purity of artistic expression.

So, she's calling me a pervert.

- Essentially.

- Yeah.

l think it was a compliment.

How refreshing.

Now she would

like to meet Father Moinighan.

Really?

Well. lt's possible

his hangover's worn off by now.

ou have no new messages in your mailbox.

Please...

Careful.

We've had shark problems in the past.

Freshwater sharks?

Touche. May l?

So, it must have been wonderful

to grow up here.

Yeah. Yeah, some of us

are still working on it.

You went to Harvard with Alejandro?

l did. Yeah.

ln that l just drove him there.

But l think l definitely would have enrolled

had l not got my parents' DNA.

You... You are funny.

Thank you. And you're... You are...

We are permitted to swimming?

Why?

No, l mean, yeah. Totally. Let's...

My sister got a ton of swimsuits in her room.

l'll... Let me grab one, l'll be one sec.

- Holy sh*t.

- What?

Holy sh*t.

Are you coming?

Yeah. l should probably just... Yeah.

So, bathing suits,

it's not really that big a deal

in Colombia, huh?

Well, l am only here for a few days,

and l would like to see

as much ofAmerica as l can.

That's only fair.

Since we're seeing so much of you.

You will show me around?

Yeah. l can... Wouldn't be, you know... Yeah.

l got the rehearsal dinner tonight,

but then l could...

And you will make love to me also?

Well...

Just so we're clear, you're... From the will.

Bebe's been trying to rope him in here

for years.

Anyone comes at me with a ring or a crown,

or any other legally binding bullshit,

l take out their kneecaps. That's it.

A crown?

But you're a happily married man, darling.

Remember that tonight

when we're in bed together.

l will, right after

the pigs fly out of my ass, sweetie.

- That's a nice image.

- Would you...

Good morning, Father.

l thought my eyes deceived me,

but my ears bespoke the truth.

There are Griffins in my humble church.

Bill. How goes the war?

Well, being on the wagon's not entirely bad.

lf only the wheels

didn't squeak so perniciously.

Padre and l did AA together. Twice.

No, three times. And third time's the charm.

Father, l would like you

to meet my biological mother.

Madonna Soto.

lt's a great privilege to meet you, madam.

Your mother's a little old school.

l'm sorry, but my Latin's a bit rusty.

My mother would like to give confession.

Right.

My mother would

like all of us to give confession.

- Nope. Sod off. Screw that.

- Like hell l will. Guess what? No.

Forgive me, Father, for this is bullshit.

Don, it's a lovely gesture

to make to your guest.

How's sobriety working for you?

Sucks a dick. You know that. Sh*t.

lt's wonderful to see you and Donny

together again.

Oh, yeah. We got "remarried" this morning.

You're kidding.

- Can you keep a secret?

- lt's confession.

l thought you were

against organized religion.

Well, after this weekend,

l may need all the help l can get.

Go on, my son.

ls it wrong to lie to someone you love

if the only reason that you're deceiving them

is to protect their happiness?

Well, that depends.

Are you disrupting the lives of anyone else

by enacting your deception?

What's a ring gonna prove after

eight years of love and companionship?

l mean, she's my girl.

What else does she want from me?

Oscar Wilde once said that

marriage is a triumph

of imagination over intelligence.

Oscar Wilde?

Oscar Wilde used

to make whoopsie with altar boys.

That's true. Forget what l just said.

This place, l miss it.

lt's like...

lt's like home.

Even he's like home.

Even Don is like home to me.

lt's so strange.

Does that frighten you?

Well, l mean, obviously,

that part of my life is over,

and l do think that that's a good thing.

Well, there's different kinds of love.

- There are?

- Yeah.

You know, just because you're divorced

doesn't mean

you're legally required to hate him.

You know,

you're not as dumb as Don says you are.

Thank you.

l'm outta here.

- Nice chatting with you.

- Bullshit.

Griffin, table for 50.

Actually, the O'Connors requested

a private table on the Rose Terrace.

Outside?

lsn't it supposed to rain?

That was communicated to them, yes.

Right this way.

Barry, what's with the alfresco?

- lt's gonna piss all over us.

- No, it's fine.

We just thought it would be more private.

She insisted.

The thought that anyone

would see us eating with a bunch of,

what was the expression you used, Mom?

Barry O'Connor.

lt's very, very nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. This is my wife, Muffin.

We're delighted to make your acquaintance.

And of course our daughter, Melissa.

Hi.

Mama?

lt's okay.

What the f*** did she just say?

Please.

l don't know what she's saying.

You have my blessing.

All right.

- Come sit.

- Yeah.

You know, contemplate, place to put it.

Hey, Don. Where's Bebe?

We were supposed to

go over the crudites presentation together.

Yeah. Well, her aunt just passed,

so she had to go back to Poughkeepsie.

Nuria!

- But her aunt's dead.

- That's what l said.

God knows l hate a boring dinner.

Everybody have enough ice water?

Good evening, and welcome

to Weeblewog Country Club.

My name is Yvette.

And l will be your captain this evening.

Bebe?

Tonight our soup is a lobster bisque,

flavored with twice

the recommended daily dose of sodium.

We also have a filet mignon.

Not organic, stuffed with

bleu cheese, sour cream,

bacon, and a defibrillator.

l'll have the filet mignon.

Don't think so.

Excuse me, miss.

Our guests really aren't

used to American food.

Do you think that Chef Claude

could whip up some chimichangi thingy?

No. Stop it.

What, l didn't say it right?

No, you said it fine.

Just fine.

Are you okay?

Just f***ing with him.

Fine.

Mama.

What's the rumpus?

She was wondering

why the wedding is being held at our house,

and not at the O'Connors'.

Well, we thought we'd shake it up a little.

Besides, our house...

ls in foreclosure?

- Okay, that's...

- That's right.

He has to plead poverty

because he's being

investigated for stock fraud.

Spectacular fork.

lt's more complicated than that, l think.

But we still have money. We do.

- Really. lt's just...

- Okay.

lt's overseas for the time being.

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