The Big Wedding Page #6

l'm sorry, Don. Really, l am.

Just, you know, with the children gone,

l guess l didn't think

we had much in common anymore.

Yeah, so we picked up another kid

to avoid the issue.

You know, l tried to stick it out. l really did.

l know you did, Don.

Wanna fool around?

You need to marry Bebe.

And that's nothing you don't already know.

And what about you?

Anybody special since...

Me?

Yeah, of course.

There have been guys here and there.

Yeah.

And l guess nothing l'd write home about,

nothing special.

Well, l did date this local cop

when l lived over on Courtesy.

He was really quite nice.

And then in New York City

l met this stock broker

who actually proposed to me

on the third date.

You know, that should have

been my first clue. God.

But then...

A little more left. Left.

Oh, yeah!

- ln there! That's right!

- Right there?

What happened to you?

What time is it?

A little after 8:00. l thought you quit?

Thought l quit a lot of things. 8:00?

So that would make it, hey...

Forty minutes. Not bad for starters.

Was that what that...

You didn't. Tell me you didn't.

You and Mom for 40, that's... You scumbags.

Gross. What?

- What about Bebe?

- l know.

God, what is wrong with you?

Forward, ducklings.

We are gonna cater the sh*t out of this thing

whether they like it or not.

l know you can't understand me,

but now that you're here,

l want you to know

that l've always been intimidated by you.

Even so, l never tried

to take your place with him,

but l always encouraged

the phone calls, and the visits.

And meeting you, oh, my God,

l see where so much of what's good in him

comes from.

And l just, l'm just so...

l'm just so happy you're here.

Do you... Do you understand me?

You working on anything lately?

Haven't touched a chisel in years.

Wow, shame. You have more talent in your

little finger than l have in my whole body.

l'm a big girl now, Don.

You don't have to say that anymore.

lt happens to be true.

Hair of the dog?

No.

You sure today's the day

you want to fall off the wagon?

Coin flip at this point.

Pass the riffler.

How is it

that you can make something so beautiful

and yet be such a complete douchebag?

l'm a complicated serpent.

Or whatever the hell she said.

So is this what happens with men?

Just a grain of strife in the relationship

and suddenly you're knee-deep in your ex?

Grandpa?

Grandpa?

Sweetie, l may be on the back nine of life,

but l just spent the last 40 minutes

laying more pipe than l have in 20 years.

l didn't say no to the scotch

'cause l didn't want the drink.

So wait a second.

You're...

Andrew doesn't know.

l'm not one of those women who thinks

l deserve to have a child just because

my uterus suddenly decides to work.

He either loves me or he doesn't.

l'd hug you, but...

After last time...

l'll just try one of these.

- Delicious.

- Good.

Happy you're pleased, Mr. Griffin.

You are paying for it.

- Well, you know, l think l'll have a few more.

- No.

l don't think so.

You know, if l were talking to you,

l would ask you what happened over there.

- With Lyla?

- Yeah.

- Did you see us?

- l did.

How about that?

lt must be very comforting to know that

not everybody hates you.

Eases the burden somewhat.

Listen. There's something l need...

No. l'm not talking to you.

ls she upset about something?

Yeah, she is.

l'm not sure what to do about it.

Well, you love her, don't you?

More than anything.

Well, then,

you do whatever it takes

to make her happy again.

- Can l come in?

- Okay.

Oh, geez.

Can you help me, please?

Oh, my God, this is so not fair.

All right.

Sorry.

Listen, l...

No, it's, come here,

impolite to interrupt a performance.

A performance?

ltem one.

Serenade her.

There's not a lot of words

that rhyme with Nuria

But l really want to

Reassure ya

That l will try not to be

Premature-ia

l...

Look, l decided

that l will not make love with you.

Okay...

l disagree. Here's why.

Look. l did everything on your list.

Breakfast in bed.

And l even did a list of the top 10

greatest moments in our relationship.

"The first moment l saw you.

"The first moment l saw you naked."

That's... lt's very sweet.

But

we are brother and sister.

Yeah, but only a little bit.

Look, you have waited a long time for love.

And l could not forgive myself

if l took that away from you.

No, you're right.

The song is nice, though.

This... Flowers every day, for a year.

We have to tell her.

l'm not sure l agree.

Well, we at least have to

invite her to our wedding.

l'm... l'm sorry?

l'm kidding you.

l'm kidding you. l'm kidding.

- Thank Christ.

- Yeah.

l mean, not that it would be a bad idea, but...

Yeah. No, it's okay. We're behind each other.

Finally.

We're still family.

Still family.

So, what's going on?

First things first. Thank you.

No.

Well, honey, your father and l

wanted to give you something.

- Together?

- Crazy, right?

We're so proud of you.

We really are proud of you,

of the man you've become,

and of the woman that you love,

of the wonderful life

that you have ahead of you, and so...

We love you, bud.

You... You carved this from the tree?

Your mother's idea.

No, actually it wasn't my idea,

but l'm speechless at the modesty.

Oh, wow.

l saved a few

just in case the first didn't take.

l don't know what to say.

Does this come with a piece of land?

Waterfront, if possible.

Sure, just click your heels three times.

See you on the flip side, kid.

l love you guys.

Thank you.

lt's perfect.

Oh, my gosh, look at you!

You're here.

Of course l'm here. Where would l be?

You look gorgeous.

Except this.

Well. Let me put that, here you go.

Which reminds me of the prom fiasco.

You remember the junior prom?

White tux and blood everywhere

from the pin?

There you go. Perfect.

Thank you.

Hey. We're family. At least most of the time.

All the time. Mom.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Hey.

l know, we were just talking...

Hi, Bebe.

Right, Mrs. Griffin. l was just leaving.

No, no, that's okay. No, it's all right.

Wait a second. Mom?

- Yes?

- Yes?

Hello.

Bebe?

Have you by any chance

seen our boyfriend?

No, not since this morning. My... Oh, fudge.

- Well. lf it isn't...

- Oh, no.

One, two, three. lt's like a convention.

Donald Robert Griffin, what have you done?

Oh, my God. He's plastered!

- l'm sorry, sweetheart, l...

- No, no.

- l, you know, we...

- Oh, my gosh.

One minute we were sleeping...

How...

The next minute, boom, boom, chi-boom,

boom, chicka boom...

Excuse me?

We came into the bedroom.

And what are you gonna do?

You do what you do in the bedroom.

Don!

The two...

l'm sorry, Bebe.

Wow, you really know

how to serve your revenge cold, don't you?

Come on, honey.

- All right, l forgive you.

- You do?

Well, l mean, of course.

Otherwise l'm a hypocrite, right?

So, all right, l forgive you.

l'm sorry, too.

Forty minutes, by the way.

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