The Big Year Page #6

locked in each other's embrace,

separating only at the very last moment.

God, I miss Edith.

Yeah, I kind of miss Jess.

Oh, hey.

Oh! It's the man with the golden ear.

- Yep.

- I thought you were just lucky last time,

but word has it around the barracks

that you're something of an idiot savant.

Without the "idiot" part.

No, no, that's... I'm an idiot.

It's true.

Okay, let me see if I can try to stump you.

Okay.

Greater roadrunner.

Yep. Not bad. Okay.

Come on. Easy. Common raven.

Let's take it to the next level.

Okay. All right, you asked for it.

Oh, yeah. Audubon oriole?

Oh, yeah, wow.

That, in my opinion,

is the most beautiful girl...

Bird in the world.

Is it true that you have

a life list of 578 birds?

Yeah! Yeah.

My mom thinks that my obsession

with birds is ruining my life.

Tell me about it.

My dad even blames the birds

for my wife leaving.

But what does he know?

I mean, that's not why.

We had other issues. But...

- It was the birds.

- It was the birds.

Hey. How did it go?

It kind of bogged down

when I got to talking about my ex-wife.

I know, I know!

That's about the top of the list

of the fifty worst pickup lines.

Yeah. "Hi. I'm divorced.

"Didn't go so good,

but I got a good feeling about this one."

Oh, boy.

Ew! What is that smell?

The good doctors are whipping up

a homemade batch of bird bait.

We've been fermenting it out back

since we got here.

It's like crack cocaine to the gulls.

What are you doing? This is my scarf!

Oh, sorry.

This scarf is from Bergdorf's!

This scarf cost $250!

- I wouldn't go out there if I...

- Shut up!

Look at my scarf!

This should be fun.

Oh, no! No!

- Get away!

- Honey? Throw it away!

- Go...

- Get away!

Don't take my scarf! Give it back to me!

Hitchcockian.

What's he doing up there?

- How many do you think he has?

- I wouldn't guess.

But you know what?

That's not the point.

We can't take our eyes off the ball.

You think he lets anything slow him down?

I made work my priority

and I missed the boat.

You got your feelings hurt

and you almost quit!

No more, Brad.

Think like him, act like him.

One of us has to beat this SOB!

Yeah. Yeah!

And here's what you do about Ellie!

I don't think I'm ready.

Tell her you want

to exchange phone numbers

in case there's a rare sighting this summer.

I said I'm not ready!

But that is a really good idea.

Thanks.

Good luck, Stu.

Whoo!

In the next eight weeks,

I traveled 14,000 miles across 21 states

and saw 56 new birds.

I also ate about 300 bags of pretzels

and maxed out seven credit cards,

including my mom 's,

but man, that was an awesome summer.

So come, fly away

Through the clouds into the sun

Far away from everyone

Come, fly away

When we get above the rain

They are all sunny days

A-well-a, everybody's heard about the bird

Bird, bird, bird...

Hello. Hi.

You know that pink-footed goose

that you missed in Texas?

Guess what just showed up here in Boston.

Really?

You know how you look forward

to something happening for a long time

and then suddenly it is happening

and now you're not sure

if you're even ready for it to happen?

That's how I felt about seeing... that goose.

Ellie!

- Hey.

- Hi.

How's your Big Year going?

I don't want to jinx it,

but it's going very, very good.

I saw a flamingo in the Everglades

last week.

Wow!

Got about a thousand mosquito bites,

but it was worth it.

Doing a Big Year and working full-time?

I really admire that, Brad.

You know what I admire?

That you're not doing a Big Year.

- Why?

- Because it's pure!

It's all about the love of birds for you.

How do you know I'm not doing a Big Year?

You left it there? You're brave.

But Darren's driving.

- Nice. Darren?

- My boyfriend?

- Ah!

- Darren, this is Brad.

Welcome to Boston, bro.

So, Ellie tells me you guys are going

to look for a... What is it, a pink goose?

- No, it's not...

- Nope. Not a pink goose.

No such thing as a pink goose.

It's a pink-footed goose, so...

If I came to see a pink goose,

then I guess this whole trip

would have been a big waste of time,

wouldn't it?

"Pink goose."

Maybe there's a purple swan out there, too.

Let's go!

You want to hear the punch line?

The pink-footed goose

had already skipped town.

We'll get it one day.

Brad, Edith had a boyfriend

when I first met her.

You never know. The final chapter

might not be written with Ellie.

Yeah.

Thanks, Stu.

The week that Stu missed on Attu

was costly. He'd fallen way behind.

But back on the mainland,

there was news that changed everything.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Congratulations.

- Thank you.

- Come see.

- Can't wait.

- Wow. He's adorable.

- Hey, Grandpa.

What's his name?

No one told you?

All I heard was you hadn't decided yet.

Name's Stuart, Dad. Call him Stu.

Really?

Well, that's something.

- You want to hold him?

- Yeah.

Hey.

- Hold his head.

- I remember.

Stu! Stu!

How you doing? How you doing?

Hey, you don't want to look at big face?

Hey, buddy.

Hey. Hey, buddy.

Ain't he cute? So cute.

Spotted something rare for you.

Hey, buddy. You want to go birding?

Huh? Want to do the rumba?

Taxi!

JFK.

Bye.

In the days that followed,

it proved harder than

Stu could have guessed

to resume his Big Year.

Everywhere he went, in Des Moines

and Yosemite, and Galveston,

he began to see hints of his own mortality.

Even in a blade of grass.

He missed his wife.

He missed his family.

Was his migrating instinct waning at last?

Was his Big Year really just a big mistake?

Blue-footed booby! Orcas Island, right?

- Hey.

- How many?

You might want to sit down.

Edith gave me a pep talk last month.

You?

You're not bad at the pep talks yourself.

- Me and my big mouth.

- How many?

Wow! Welcome to the 700 Club, kid.

That is rarefied air.

Of course, it's this old-timer

we got to worry about.

- What's your number?

- You don't want to know.

- I do. Scare me.

- How about 730?

Really?

Wow, and here I thought I was

the bomb at 728.

Hey, hang in there. You still got a shot.

Yeah. Thank you for that reassuring

pat on my shoulder.

All right, have a good day.

I just wanted to wipe that cocky grin

off his face.

You did that. He looked like

he'd just read his own obituary.

And we got his total.

Okay, yes, okay! Okay!

But I think you just woke a sleeping dog.

Yeah, yeah, we're getting on the boat.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Did our friend just say where he was going?

He wanted directions

to the Skagit Wildlife Area.

Blue-footed booby's on the move.

This is me.

No bird.

And no Bostick.

NARBA says the blue-footed booby's

still on the island.

And we just missed the last ferry.

You know the beauty of it?

He never lied to us.

He never even spoke to us.

The man's a genius.

He's a machine. He's a birding machine.

Unless he was bluffing, too.

Or cheating.

Maybe he just wants it more.

Oh, screw that!

I've spent 10 months of my life on this,

and every penny I have.

There is no way he wants it more than me!

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