The Bigfoot Project Page #4

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that we would actually find him?

Yeah, that might happen,

but he might find you, too.

You know, I tell you,

the thing is...

You gonna smell him

before anything else,

before you see him and all that.

You know, he'd be a mile away

and you'd smell him.

I mean, hell, I smell

his ass all the time.

Smell his ass.

Okay, guys, all right, yeah, okay.

Moving on.

So if we smell him

that means we're close.

We've been told that he smells

kinda like a wet dog.

No, no, no, no.

Heard that, that's bullshit.

That's bullshit!

Hear that?

No, it's like,

oh, what's that smell?

Oh, you ever smell that,

eh....

- Passion fruit! -Oh, he

smells like passion fruit?

I didn't say that!

Don't put words

in my mouth, boy!

I just asked if you ever

smelled passion fruit.

Uh, yes, we're sorry about that.

And we have definitely

smelled passion fruit.

All right then. He smells

a lot like passion fruit.

Okay, Willie ray,

earlier you had mentioned

that Bigfoot owes you $20.

Yup, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Right, so...

- Yeah, we need you to explain that to us.

Well, yeah.

He's gonna pay.

I mean, I wanna get

one thing clear right now,

he ain't a welcher.

- Bigfoot ain't a welcher.

- Okay.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Ah, right, yeah,

we got that part,

- but why does Bigfoot owe...

- Oh! Why, you said. Why?

Why?

Well, you know, I tell you why.

He likes to play

a lot of board games.

Like Candyland, and checkers,

and mousetrap,

and all sorts

of what-have-yous.

And, well, one night

we got to playing sorry.

You ever play the game sorry?

- Never.

- -Yes, yes, we all have.

That's a good one, yeah.

You'd like it.

So, one day, I whooped

his ass in sorry.

And, you know, but it was

a healthy wager.

I mean, nobody's

getting hurt and all that.

It's just all friendly.

Mm, that's interesting.

Um, Willie ray,

I really hate to be forward,

well, better than

being backwards.

- He's right.

- That's right.

- That's right!

- I don't know what that means.

Hey, wait a minute!

- What day is it?

- It's Tuesday.

The 8th!

- Uh, the 21st.

- Right, exactly!

You guys are in luck.

Bigfoot's coming here tonight.

- What?

- Really?

Right, if my memory

serves me right.

Okay, look, I have

to say something.

Willie, you don't really

speak to Bigfoot.

You're just a crazy person,

no offense.

Offense taken,

you big fat tub of lard.

Now, hang on a minute.

I am friends with Mr. foot.

And I'm tired of you city folk

coming up here

- and calling us pancakes.

- Pancakes?

Here we go.

Here you go.

Feast your eyes on that.

Oh, my god.

Look, this is ridiculous.

- Well, I wanna see. Whoa!

- Is that real?

Of course it's real.

Are monkey pigeons real?

- What the hell is a monkey pigeon?

- -Steve, come on!

And you're saying that Bigfoot

is coming here tonight?

Yeah, he's coming here tonight.

I'm just lucky

I made enough food.

Oh, my stew!

- Okay, can I have a word with everybody?

- -Of course.

- We are leaving, right?

- Yes, yes.

- No way.

- No, this photo is everything,

That photo is nothing, man.

Are you kidding me?

My god, Steve, that could be

a guy in a costume.

This could be a guy

in a costume,

but it could also be real, guys.

We have got something here.

- Yeah, and who took that photo?

- -Yeah.

Can we please leave

before he comes back?

No! He's harmless.

He's kooky, yes,

but he's harmless.

Steve, I know he's harmless,

- but do you hear what this man is saying?

- Of course.

It's absolutely beyond

ridiculous.

He is out there.

He's like

cocoa puffs crazy, dude.

And who the hell

is calling him pancake?

Jamie, I think we have to entertain the

idea that Bigfoot is coming here tonight!

Steve, are you listening

to yourself?

Why are we here? If we don't

think this is possible,

- then why are we here?

- I don't know.

Hey, he's a nice guy. Look at

these awesome pants he gave me.

Shut up! Shut up!

I am not eating raccoon soup

or whatever the hell it is

that he is making in there.

We are leaving now!

Yeah, well, he insulted me,

but I am kinda hungry.

Yeah, my mind's saying no, but

my tummy's saying yes right now.

- I hate you both. -We are

staying and that's final.

- All right.

- Willie ray!

Ah, we are definitely

going to stay for a little bit,

if that's cool.

- I'm happy about that.

- Great.

Yeah.

Just so you know, little lady,

I'm not making raccoon soup.

I'm making squirrel stew.

There's a big difference

in the broth.

It's thicker.

Don't worry your pretty

little head about that, okay?

Er, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.

- She's not worried.

- I can't wait.

Oh, god.

I'm nauseous.

I was kinda hoping

for raccoon soup.

It sounds exotic, huh?

Yeah, you know what's exotic?

- What?

- Your pants.

- Whoa!

- -Dude, those are awesome.

- Hey, can I ask you one

question real quick? -Sure.

Are you two legit to quit?

Yeah, hey, you know

how many dates

you're gonna get

with those pants?

- How many?

- None.

Willie ray, this is goo-ood.

Yeah, it really

is not that bad, huh?

Oh, that's nice of you.

- Hey, what are them?

- Oh, these? I love these.

Willie ray, you've never

had a gummy bear before?

- No! -Oh, this is

gonna blow your mind.

Those are good!

Yeah! Hey, I want you

to have these.

- No, really? -Seriously.

Thank you for the pants.

- I insist.

- Oh, well, thank you.

- You're welcome.

- That's really nice of you.

Boy, oh, boy,

I'm gonna have one, so...

Oh, man.

He's always running late.

You don't say.

He's always running fake.

Nice.

- That's funny.

- Thank you, sir.

Is there usually

a specific time he...

You know, like I said,

you gonna smell it.

You're gonna start to smell it.

Maybe we should

open the windows.

That was a waste of a night.

Yeah.

Well, he might have said

Wednesday at 8:
00.

- No can, thank you.

- -Thanks for the pants, Willie ray!

- Oh, yeah, have fun.

- -Jesus.

Hey, Jamie,

where are we going today?

- Georgia tech.

- Oh, yeah.

- Unless.

- -Unless we go home now.

- You're the boss. -Guys, I

really wanna find the beast.

- Ooh, me too!

- Oh, shoot me now.

Mickey, I love your spirit.

And moose, what else

do you have to do?

Uh, well, I, what's the point?

Steve, look, I can't.

I called your boss

and he's cool.

You have the next

three weeks off.

- What?

- Guys, come on!

We could do something epic here.

I believe them.

They've seen Bigfoot,

so why can't we?

Steve, I don't know.

Hey, I cannot wait

to find Bigfoot.

Yeah, well, don't keep

your hopes up, buddy.

Spoiler alert.

There isn't one.

You don't know that, moose.

Oh, I'm sure

to goddamn sure, I do.

Hey, I think he's out there.

I really do.

And we might not find him,

but he's out there,

- and that is a fact.

- Oh, that's a fact?

I'm sorry. What does he look

like, since you've seen him?

I haven't seen him,

but other people have.

20 million people in this world

and they never have a camera ready?

Interesting.

There are more than 20 million

people in this world, moron.

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