The Bigfoot Project Page #5

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- Good. -There's

plenty of pictures.

- You saw one. -Bigfoot doesn't go

whitewater rafting, Mickey, come on!

- How do you know, moose? -Oh,

okay, well, here's a picture

I just found of Neil Armstrong and

Bigfoot together on the moon.

Oh, here he is with tennis

great, Martina Navratilova.

There is no Bigfoot!

Oh, yeah, you willing to put

a little money on that, moose?

- Steve.

- Oh, it's getting real, guys.

No, no, no, hear me out.

If you guys decide

to really investigate

with me for the next two weeks,

and we don't find Bigfoot,

then I am willing

to give you all $1,000.

Each?

Yeah, each.

You don't even have

half that money, Steve.

That's about all

the money I have.

I'm in.

We are going to find him,

Mickey.

Oh, this is gonna be great.

- Jamie.

- No.

- I need you.

- No, no.

I don't think I can

do this without you.

- I don't think I can.

- Steve.

What do you say? Please?

It'll be fun, I promise you.

- Oh.

- I swear.

Oh.

- Do not make me regret this.

- Yes!

Okay? All right,

my god, you owe me.

I will owe you

everything you want.

- You owe me big.

- Moose, what do you say?

You don't wanna let

the team down, do you?

- Two weeks?

- Two weeks.

Or until we find him.

Whichever comes first.

- Two weeks and $1,000?

- $1,000.

1,000 clams, cheddar with bacon.

A hundred thousand pennies.

Lot of Benjamins coming

your way, in your wallet,

read 'em and weep.

Or don't cry.

Whatever you wanna do.

Just 1,000 big gold...

$1,000, Steve? That's what

you were talking about?

- That's fine.

- You're on.

I have it.

Okay. This won't be

that bad, right?

Are you kidding me? This is going

to be the time of our lives.

You better pay up.

I'm a man of my word.

Sign here.

And here.

Where did you get

these contracts so fast?

Oh, it doesn't matter.

I feel like I should

read this first.

Nope. Sign here.

Mickey, make sure

you come to dinner.

Hey, that's a grandma thing.

No.

Jeez, a little help

would be nice here.

- This is right for you.

- Shut up.

- Yeah.

- Enjoy yourself.

I need your clothes, your boots,

and your motorcycle.

- "Terminator 2", man.

- Dude, yeah.

I was just quiet

because it was shocking.

- How good it was, man.

- You give it a try.

There we got the rope,

and the two bags here,

the two bags down here,

the sleeping bag,

two sleeping bags.

I need you clothes, your boots,

and your motorcycle.

I'm supposed to be

Christopher Walken.

- What's the damage?

- And the rifle.

No, no, no, nope, no rifle.

No rifle.

Help me.

Help, I'm caught.

Oh, look, I caught

the cutest butterfly ever.

- Let me out.

- Okay.

- I can't get it off.

- Okay.

Seriously, dude.

- We're looking for Bigfoot.

- For Bigfoot?

- Yeah. -You're probably

all gonna die.

- You guys ready?

- Yes, me liege.

Ready as I'll ever be.

Let's get this crap over with.

Let's set up

over here, huh, Jamie?

Copy that.

All right, here we are

in the eerie woods

of Calamityville, Georgia.

Our official search begins now.

For two weeks it's just us

and the unpredictable

wilderness.

We've got our food,

our equipment, our tents,

and Mickey has got the map.

We will soon find out

what awaits us

in this dreaded forest.

Ladies and gentlemen,

project Bigfoot is underway.

Stay tuned.

- Yeah, I don't have it.

- You lost the map!

- Dude! That is so not cool.

- I am so sorry.

We haven't even gotten

into the wilderness yet,

- and you lost the map?

- I know, I'm really sorry.

Do we even need a map?

I mean, how big are the woods?

Uh, 24.6 square miles.

That's how big, moose!

- Idiot.

- All right, everyone just relax.

We're gonna go into town

and we'll buy a new map.

- Problem solved, Steve.

- Oh, problem solved, Steve.

Problem solved?

Mickey, I highlighted

and organized the entire thing.

I outlined the most time

efficient routes we should take.

I detailed the terrain,

I drew up hot spots.

I constructed an entire...

Ah, look at him.

He's like a lost little boy

running to his mama.

All right, first things first.

Be on the lookout

for any footprints,

unusual hairs, or droppings.

- What?

- He means poop.

- Right, Steve?

- That's right.

It has been said

that Bigfoot has a red tint

to his incredibly large feces.

Gross.

Stay on the lookout, be sharp.

This is the start of what

will be a life-changing event.

- Sorry, bud.

- Watch out, Mickey.

You lost the camera?

Dude, that is so not cool.

I am so sorry, Steve.

How am I supposed

to do a documentary

without a camera?

Oh, I know, Mickey,

I'll just tell people

it happened.

You're a great storyteller.

- Sure.

- No, he's not.

Oh, wait, here it is, guys.

I found the camera.

- Oh, man, total thank you.

- Crisis averted.

Actually, it's gonna start

getting dark pretty soon,

- so we should probably set up camp.

- Oh, yeah.

And this is very important guys,

I want one camera

rolling at all times.

You never know when

he may appear. Agreed?

- No, it's not gonna happen.

- Totally.

Moose, you know how

to set up a tent?

I think I can handle it,

sweetheart.

Okay, that... great,

you go and do that,

and Mickey, you go get

some firewood, all right?

Steve and I, we're gonna

finish unpacking, yeah?

- Moose, you help me, I help you?

- Okay, cool.

Okay, um, firewood's

the same as real wood, right?

- You're kidding, right?

- Yeah.

Okay, and then it should

just snap into place.

- Oh.

- Got it?

Yeah, got it.

Do you think you can

handle that, sweetheart?

Good one.

All right,

where's the other one?

The other what?

The other tent.

Oh, no, no, no.

This should be fine.

It says it sleeps four.

Thank you for coming, Jamie.

I owe you big.

You know, I could

do a lot with $1,000.

Yeah, where are you

gonna get $1,000?

Oh, very funny.

Moose, what would

you do with $1,000?

Start my own production company.

Set up a meeting

with m. Knight,

- and then...

- Wow.

They're on our tail!

I'll get you blood brotherz!

Come on,

little brother, let's go!

I found an abandoned house.

Let's hide!

That place is perfect.

Thanks, big bro,

blood brotherz for life.

Yeah, man.

Blood brotherz for life.

Wow, the guard!

He's found our hideout.

Run!

So this is where we decided

to set up camp for the night.

And this is our fire.

Hot set, everybody, hot set.

I am on fire.

This is our luxurious tent,

which is almost

like sleeping in a hotel.

And here is the amazing Jamie

reading a book.

Oh, Jamie, do you

have anything to say

about our first day on the hunt?

I can't believe

I'm really doing this.

Great, well said.

This is the rest

of our camp that...

- Why are we not taking care of our maps?

- -Psst, Steve.

Oh, and there's Mickey and moose

in a tree for some reason.

What is it?

Okay, so, moose thinks

he's got a better shot

of getting with Jamie

than I do, but I disagree.

- I could totally bang her if I wanted to.

- -Oh.

He's got the confidence,

but I got the charm.

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