The Bigfoot Project Page #8

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- Bring it.

- Wow!

- A lesbian.

- Full lesbian.

Did not see that one coming.

- Challenge.

- Accepted.

Gonna turn this one around.

- Yeah.

- Bomber.

- She's not a lesbian. -No, not at all.

What is she thinking?

Hey, Jamie could you help me

out real quick?

- No, way in hell.

- Oh.

Tough love. Love it.

All right! I'll do it myself.

Here we go.

Set this on up.

Um, heat vision off,

night vision off, excellent.

Tightening, good.

Here we go.

Action.

Hey, everybody! This is assistant

captain Mickey over here.

Soon to hopefully be

captain Mickey,

and I'll tell you why.

Found a footprint the other day,

yup, moving on up in the world.

Next thing you know

I'll probably have a girlfriend

or something serious like that.

Yeah, the group, we're traveling

about 3.5 miles an hour.

Precipitation in the clouds

is about 33%, which is good.

It's above average,

and I like that.

Are we gonna Bigfoot?

Let me ask you something?

Does this look like

the face of a man

who's not gonna find Bigfoot?

What do you see

when you look at this?

You see determination.

You see power.

Maybe see a guy

who's a little hungry.

We've not really had

a lot of meals lately,

but, above all, you see someone

who's gonna make it happen.

This is captain Mickey

signing out.

Jamie, what do you think?

Were you happy with that?

Uh, yeah. What do you think?

Yeah, it looked great.

Okay, so we've got

a few more miles to cover.

I just hope everyone

comes out of this alive

and with their sanity.

Hey, have you guys

seen my gummy bears?

I had a couple of packs left.

No, I haven't.

Hey, moose, have you seen

my gummy bears, man?

Huh?

- What are you doing?

- Oh, no.

Just checking out the trail.

It's all uphill, dude.

You went in my bag,

and you stole this.

Dude, I'll buy you some more.

Mickey, Jesus, really?

You don't get it, do you?

No, I don't.

They're like $2 a pack.

I'll get you more.

I would never

do this to you, moose.

Are you serious right now?

I thought you

were my friend, man.

I am your friend.

Mick, come on, dude!

Mickey!

A**hole.

Okay, guys, we're going north.

Let's pack up.

We're close.

- Are we rolling yet?

- Always.

Good. I feel like something's

gonna happen any minute.

Don't stop shooting.

Here they come to the stage,

idiots and a**holes,

- come on, Mickey!

- Shh. Be on alert.

Shut up, Steve.

Remember, don't stop shooting.

We're close. I can...

- Uh, are those night vision binoculars?

- No.

Not at all.

I can't see anything,

Okay, maybe you should

rest for a second.

- Did Columbus rest, Jamie?

- Yeah, probably.

Hey, Mickey,

come on, man, you can't

sleep out here tonight.

Dude, don't ignore me,

it's rude.

Shh, maybe he's sleeping.

I'm not sleeping.

I just don't talk to thieves!

Uh, come on, this is ridiculous.

It's gonna be cold out tonight.

Fine, look, I'll stay

out here tonight.

You shouldn't have to.

Did you hear me, man?

I said I'll stay out here.

Good.

You find your balance.

Oop, oh! I saw that coming.

- Get up. -Look, no, I don't

want a thief to help me up.

- Jamie? Was that you helping me up?

- No, that was moose.

Don't touch me!

Get your filthy thieving

hands off of me!

They're not on you.

- Jamie, is he touching me?

- No.

- Do you wanna touch me?

- Good night, Mickey.

Good night, Jamie.

D*ckhead.

Here.

- Thanks, Mickey. Well, jeez.

- F you.

You know, moose,

I think we all need some rest.

He needs to not be mad at me.

I mean, oh, my god,

the world's gonna end

because I ate a couple

of his gummy bears.

You stole them!

Oh, you know what?

We get it, dude.

I just wanna go home.

We all do.

Well, some of us.

Aw, come on, you guys

aren't gonna miss this?

All the fresh air,

the thrill of the hunt?

Huh? Chasing after history?

This whole bonding experience?

The instinct of human survival

coursing through our bodies?

No. I'm not gonna miss

any of that. None of it.

Fresh air, maybe.

I love it right here.

Nature.

Living off the land.

Just like life

was intended to be.

This is it right here.

Dude, Steve, we had Capri

suns for lunch, man.

Capri suns.

Whoa! What was that?

Did you hear that?

Sorry, Steve.

Oh, yeah, okay, I smell that.

- Good one, buddy.

- Wow.

- I'm not your buddy.

- Oh, you're talking to me now.

No, I'm not!

Okay, well, at least we're

headed in the right direction.

We still have

a couple miles left.

Tomorrow morning

we'll head that way.

Guys, I hope you're prepared

for what's about to happen.

Our lives are totally

gonna change.

The one thing

that will be synonymous

with Bigfoot from here on out

will be our names.

I can feel it.

He's close.

I wouldn't be surprised

if he was right over there.

Ah, over there somewheres.

Who are you supposed to be

Michael Joneses?

- Over there somewheres.

- Somewheres.

Those guys were nuts.

Yeah, remember when that guy

tried to kill us?

Oh!

I hope that was Bigfoot.

No, no, it definitely

wasn't him.

It didn't sound like him.

- Okay, I'm going to sleep.

- Me, too.

- -Uh, me, three, yep, let's all get in the tent.

Hey, guys,

I was just thinking...

Hey! Don't let him in here!

Come on, Mickey,

it's gonna be cold out,

like sub zero temperature.

Sorry, moose, maybe next time

you'll keep your grubby

paws to yourself.

- Grubby?

- -You'll be okay, probably.

Hey, Jamie, grubby paws,

that was a good one.

Thanks, Mickey.

All right, lights out.

Dude, I think I heard

something out here.

- Oh, it was nothing.

- Yeah, yeah.

Good night everybody

in the tent.

Good night, dudes and dudette.

It's so nice out here because

of the nice gentle breeze.

- It's like a blanket.

- Reel 'em in.

Oh, dude, a night rainbow.

Oh, there's a total

night rainbow out here.

It's like a complete arch.

Hey, moose, keep it down,

we're trying to go to bed.

Oh, I'll keep it down,

but you have to keep talking

cause the night rainbow will go away

if you don't keep talking to it.

Me and my blood brothers

were thrown into sea.

Then we're 20,000 leagues down

when we find Atlantis.

And then Bruce Willis is like

the president of Atlantis,

and he's like, dudes, you guys

gotta get Atlantis back up

to the earth.

And like we are on earth.

And he's like,

"what? This is earth?"

I'm just spitballing,

so, this is...

Moose, seriously, go to sleep.

But one more...

One more thought.

Jeff Goldblum is like

the secretary of state

in Atlantis,

and he's like, I'm gonna upload

a virus to Atlantis,

- and then Atlantis...

- Shh.

Okay, so it's been kinda quiet

the last couple days,

so I'll just give

a quick update.

Mickey's still pissed at moose.

They're not talking.

It's actually kinda sad, really.

And Steve goes into

this random psycho mode.

I'm kinda worried about

what's gonna happen to him

after we leave this place.

Oh, and uh, Steve, I know

you're gonna hate me,

but, uh, yesterday

I thought I saw something.

It was like a...

Well, I can't really say

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