The Blackout Page #4

Ah, oh! Great!

Now you can go f*** yourself.

[guitar solo ascends]

Easy, gunpowder.

Oh, a straw.

[laughs]

[cellphone rings]

[cellphone rings louder]

Go f*** yourself, I mean, hello,

hello, hey...

Hey.

Yeah.

[sniffs, clears throat]

What?

Well, I mean we can't find

Gunther, but everybody...

Yeah, we'll all be here.

Bye, love.

That was Spencer,

he's on his way over here

right now,

with great news about out

contract.

[sighs]

What the f*** does that mean?

I'm fluent in douche. It's not

good.

Look,

I'll go break it to Eddie, okay?

You think you can keep

you little

hipster friend away from the

pool?

I think I can...

get f***ed up trying.

[dramatic sound]

[soft rock music plays]

[exhales]

[drinks from the bottle]

A little early for that, no?

I'm already halfway to a

blackout.

What makes you think you can

quit the band?

Because I'd rather not hit

the big time and be with her,

than go on tour with you

a**holes.

Come on,

drink this one through, huh?

[rock music continues]

[guitar solo]

[music ascends]

[music really loud]

[music descends]

You can't quit the band.

No, what I can't do,

is to deal with Chas' bullshit

24/7 for the next six months.

It's a small price to pay

for rock super stardom.

I'll kill him.

I mean, I'm talking,

literal,

straight,

f***ing,

You think Fleetwood Mac didn't

want to kill each other?

The Police? Those guys f***ing

hate each other.

But it fuels the music.

[sighs]

What if she's the one?

Eduardo,

ten years from now, Jenny may

or may not be

the mother of you children.

But if you don't

go on this tour,

you'll regret it for the rest of

your life.

Opportunity like this,

don't come around that often.

Let's face facts, man.

You destroy the guitar.

I write all out music, man.

[laughs]

I'm f***ing with you, kiddo.

I'm with you, man.

Just f***ing around.

[chuckles]

[sighs]

Listen to me,

I've been around the block.

I put records out.

I've been on tour,

all over world.

This is my last shot.

And I know its.

You may never get another shot.

And you could write a song

that's gonna be there forever.

Everyone wants to be

where you are right now.

If you wantna let that slip away

cuz you're in love with

some girl,

Cool.

But just do me one favor.

[sighs]

Please be damn sure,

that this girl means

something to you.

Gang bang my life.

-Yep.

[drinks from the bottle]

You're right.

I know.

[scoff together]

You in?

You're in.

Let's rock every stadium,

take every drug, bang every

groupie.,

until one of us dies.

Wow...

You're sober, man.

Yeah, it's the same goes to sex,

drugs, and Rock and Roll.

I can't leave one out because I

don't drink anymore.

[laugh together]

Hello.

[laughs]

You are either

with us,

or you're against us.

[laugh]

You think you pussies can handle

two at a time?

Sorry, doll face. I'm sober, and

this kid is lame.

Hi.

I'm Layla.

Gunther Shea.

And this,

Is the most boring person in the

world.

Oh, you've met.

Your hands, so petit.

My cock's gonna look huge in

this.

Oh.

[chuckles]

Well, I think

this guy is not against you,

but...

if you'll excuse me,

I gonna go find my girl.

[whispers]

I told you.

More for us, babe.

[exhales]

Welcome to the

Gentlemen's Lounge, shall we?

I love you.

[music ascends]

[door closed]

[head hits the wall]

What the f***, Spencer?

Why don't you take me outside

so I can teach you a lesson?

Jenny's not here

to save you this time.

Ha ha. I got six inches on you,

buddy.

And I'm taller.

Why you have to be such a

douche bag?

That's Mr. Douche Bag to you,

okay?

But since you ask,

six nights a week,

three venues a night,

I scour this town for talent.

And Ruben, he sees you online,

for free, while he was busy not

working.

And now I have to deal with four

talentless hacks

with a Macbook Pro and too

much time on the hands.

Well, why don't you tell me how

you really feel.

I really feel that in 20 years,

you'll be still making

bad music,

while I'll be ball deep in your

girlfriend,

and sport f***ing your sister on

the side.

[throws Spencer against the

wall]

Oh...Ha ha ha...

No wonder Jenny doesn't want to

be near you right now.

You stink.

You've seen Jenny?

Easy, tiger. This is cashmere.

[throws Spencer against another

wall]

Where is she,

you son of a b*tch?

She needed a friend, okay?

And as a friend,

she doesn't want to

see you right now.

Oh hey, Reuben!

I'm sure he'd love to see this.

Now,

if you need me,

I'll be convincing this

"has been"

that you're a "never will be".

[stomps the floor]

[music continues]

Jenny?

[rock music ascends]

Jenny!

[rock music plays loud]

[music continues]

[music, party chatters]

[door opens]

[music descends]

[sighs]

[door is locked]

Oh...Come the f*** on.

[sighs]

[doorbell rings]

[dramatic sound effect]

I wonder what kinda douche bag

Spencer's got in store for us.

Dude, I don't know

what I'll do if he

pushes me the wrong way right

now.

I'll do all the talking.

Great, that's reassuring.

[door clicks open]

[music starts]

[Scotch bottle drops]

Well, well, well.

If it ain't Mahoney and

Tuckleberry,

where's the black guys does the

sound effects?

One of you guys Edward

Mesmerberg?

Mesmerberg?

Yes, I am, officers.

Can I help you?

Yeah, we're here to investigate

a noise complaint

we got this morning that maybe

related to the disappearance

of Mr. Reuben Adler.

What?

Reuben is missing?

Well he didn't go home last

night.

And didn't show up for work this

morning.

Needless to say, a lot of

important people

We have reason to believe this

was the last place he was seen.

That is the rumor.

Oh wait.

Is he a grippy fat person?

Dark hair, well-built.

Kinda Jewy-looking.

[dramatic sound]

Excuse me.

[footsteps]

Who's your decorator? Amy

Winehouse?

We uh...had a few people over

last night.

That explains the noise

complaints.

I don't know who complained. I

mean...

the world was here.

Yeha. According to our report we

got this morning at 4:48 AM,

That was like, eight house ago?

You guys run by the cable

company?

[laughs]

Sorry, officers. My friend here,

is uh...

drunk.

I'm not drunk.

I'm a bit tipsy.

Give me that.

[dumps it onto the floor]

We're just getting here now

because we were gleaning

evidence from

Mr. Adler's car,

which was found near LA LAX.

That evidence worths to a

suspect.

With a list of priors as long as

my johnson.

This guy's johnson.

We spent the next four hours

hunting down said suspect,

then the next three

interrogating him.

I need you to corroborate this

story.

Yeah, um...

Said suspect,

his name doesn't happen to be,

Gunther Shea, does it?

Our suspect is Mr. James White.

[exhales]

AKA Filipino James. You know

him?

Now, see, last night was an

alcohol fueled haze.

Just like this afternoon,

apparently.

Uh excuse me, we're drinking to

remember.

It's science, so...

Right, and it's still

a little bit hazy, Officers.

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