The Blackout Page #5

You boys wanna go to jail for

obstructing justice?

I'm sorry to say we're

almost out of booze.

Why don't you collect a few

statements?

[harp music]

Love to.

[sniffs]

[footsteps]

[whispers]

Reuben's in the pool.

How does a grown ass man

drown?

I have no idea.

His sorrow in alcohol.

I'm gonna ask you kindly, son.

Put that out.

And I'll tell you kindly...

to go f*** yourself, Dad.

If I gotta ask again,

I'm gonna ask with this.

[extends the baton]

Woo-hoo, I love foreplay.

[cracks Chas in the gut]

Oh...I got a prescription

Yeah...Let me see that

prescription.

Oh come on.

Hey Kazansky, you getting

anywhere?

I don't know. Am I?

[chuckles]

Hey Howie.

You're not gonna believe this

sh*t. Get over here.

Well, maybe we can be each

other's b*tch in prison.

Don't worry, I'm hung like a Tic

Tac.

Oh...

[sighs]

[footsteps]

[handcuff jingling]

Hey, is that what I think it is?

I bought his kid one for his

birthday.

He loves the sh*t out of this

thing.

Can't stop talking about it, for

chris sakes.

Hey, officers. Um...

I think that the prescription

is in my room.

[drops the Shamu]

[bang]

So this is typical Monday

afternoon

for you boys, huh?

[scoffs]

Slow Monday.

[weird sound]

Shhh.

What was that?

[weird sound continues]

What was that?

[empty bottle clinks]

[slides shower curtain aside]

[suspensive music]

[weird sound again]

[grows louder]

[opens the door]

[taped shut, screaming]

What the hell are you guys into?

[footsteps]

[vomits]

Alright. Someone better tell me

what the hell happened

here last night?

I'm getting tied at the lack of

cooperation we're getting here.

Would you please arrest me or

get me out of this before

I sh*t my pants.

[sighs]

The next thing I remember

I woke up to my girlfriend

breaking up with me.

Because she thought I had

another girl in my bed.

Who were you in bed with?

[laugh together]

A dead deer.

What?!

[laugh]

What, uh...my, uh,

associate meant today was,

hooked up with a deer face chick

and she was really gross.

You mean to tell me you don't

even know

if Adler was here?

Unless you've got something

stronger than this.

I'm afraid not.

[footsteps in rush]

Your friend here better

be able to fill in some holes.

That's my specialty.

[heavy bass, guitar notes]

He's the sober one?

[rock music plays]

Ha ha ha ha.

Great!

The band's all here.

[sound from tongue]

Pardon me, Officers. I'm Spencer

Bayne, Esquire.

I'm with the label.

Mind if I have a quick little

band meeting with the guys?

Please.

-Thanks.

Fellas,

you might wanna bend over for

this one.

As you know,

Reuben's missing,

and the suspect's a

Hall of Famer in Chino.

Sssss...

Suffice to say,

the old man probably not coming

back. Which means,

I'm promoted,

and you are f***ed.

[clears throat]

But we already

signed the contract, right?

The papers you signed are in

Reuben's briefcase,

which never leaves his side.

And since said the briefcase

wasn't recovered,

I'm guessing it's probably in a

ditch

somewhere next to his rotting

corpse.

Now, I was going over my roster

of bands,

and I just don't think we'll be

needing your services anymore.

The tour is off.

Go f*** yourselves.

What? You can't do that.

I can.

And I will, Eddie.

But you know what you can't do?

Play guitar.

Does anyone here realize I write

the f***ing music?

Chas, you got all the talent in

the world,

but you wanna f*** me,

and that's not gonna happen.

[whisper]

Blow me.

Toss, you gonna be dead by 30.

I'm 34.

That leaves the legendary

Gunther Shea.

The only real asset in the band.

What do you say?

Thanks?

[scoffs]

What are you doing for lunch?

I drink lunch for breakfast.

That doesn't even make sense.

Oh, I almost forgot.

what's the quickest way from

here to your girlfriend's mouth?

I'm gonna rip...

[mutters]

face!

Okay, okay, it's cool.

[rushes to Spencer]

Whoa...

Hey, it's cool. I've got GPS,

and I'll find it.

Somebody tell me where the

commode is in this joint?

I'm growing a tail over here.

You boys better start singing,

or we'll bring forensics down

here,

drug sniffing dog,

we'll come to our own

conclusion.

Whoa whoa. Wait, alright.

I'll talk. If I talk,

will what I say be used against

me in court?

You don't say anything about

Adler's disappearance,

I don't care if you

plead the fifth.

I always wanted to do that.

Yeah, I'm gonna plead the fifth.

I'd like to drink to fifth now,

if that's available.

I'd like to drink some water.

Oh no, thanks.

Give him the water, you punk.

[squeezes water bottle and

drinks]

[drinks from the bottle]

Um, um...

F***ing Vodka!

[laughs]

You motherfuckeres!

Really?

[laughs loudly]

I can't tell.

[snatches the bottle

and tosses it away]

[takes a pull]

Where should I start?

Well, we left with you...

being at a, "Gentlemen's

Lounge"

with Toss and a female names

Layla.

[space sound]

Don't let it die a virgin.

Virgins. Thanks for nothing.

Ah...

[exhales in pleasure]

[coughs]

[chuckles]

This will smoke itself.

[inhales]

Do you guys, um...

wanna do some Ecstasy?

Don't put a question mark where

I put a period.

[both laugh]

[exhales in pleasure]

How about you?

Don't threat me with a good

time.

We need music.

[bottle clinks]

I'm coming too! Okay...

[chuckles]

Ow!

[falls back]

Come on.

I've gotten bigger into smaller.

I gotta go around.

[guitar music plays]

One. More. Line.

One. More. Line.

Ssss...

One more line.

[breathes heavily]

[breathes rapidly]

[grunts]

Yeah Chas.

[sniffs]

Rock star!

[kisses]

I'm just kidding.

[laughs]

I'm just kidding.

[laughs]

[both laugh]

[fall sown]

I'm just kidding.

-Just kidding...

[laughs]

David Bowie.

[chuckles]

Sorry,

he got into my panties first,

but,

you'll have your chance.

I couldn't pull these off.

[chuckles]

You couldn't pull these on.

[chuckles]

So, where were we?

We were just talking about the

rock star loser who didn't

appreciate me.

So you like rock star...

[laughs]

So, you like losers.

[laugh together]

What about rock star loser?

[laughs out loud]

[mutters]

[laughs softly]

[claps]

Ah...

It's just a little acid, boys.

So...

Who wants me first?

Looks like I'm about to fall off

the wagon going 50.

I got dips on the mouth.

Amigo.

[rock music pounds]

[loud symphony music]

[sound of fireworks]

Ah...Yeah.

Sss...

Feel like I'm jut being

railed like Dumbo.

Thank you for leaving those

shoes on.

[chuckles]

[whimpers]

[clears throat]

I always thought I'd be saying

this to chas, but Toss,

why don't you come out of the

closet?

Yeah, why don't you come over

here and hit this?

[suspensive music stars]

[slides the door closed]

Oh well,

so, where were we?

Oh, that's right. I know where

we were.

You,

were just about to blow me.

Ah, yeah, no.

It's not gonna happen.

That would be like sucking his

dick.

Whoa...

I blew him and you kissed me.

Not in that order.

Really?

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