The Boatniks Page #8

standard underwater procedure.

Why should...?

- All right.

- Thank you. Garlotti, man the sonar.

On the double.

- How long we gonna be underwater?

- Few more minutes.

Then we rendezvous

with the plane...

Why is that shark

swimming on his back?

[Max] Everybody's swimming

on their backs.

Something's strange.

Up periscope.

- What do you see?

- The bottom of the ocean.

- We're upside-down.

- [Charlie] Harry!

- Phew.

- Max, you gotta stay on the ball.

- Can we surface now, Harry?

- Very well. Prepare to...

[sonar pings]

Sounds like something's wrong

with our plumbing.

That's sonar.

- Harry.

- Shh.

We got them, sir.

Range, 200 yards.

They're coming closer.

What are we gonna do, Harry?

Cut the engines

and take it to the bottom.

Now everybody, quiet.

We seem to be

losing them, Mr. Garland.

Negative contact, sir.

- Stop all engines. Keep searching.

- [man] Stop all engines.

Yes, sir.

- [loud sneeze]

- Gesundheit.

- They picked us up again.

- Let's make a run for it.

- Don't panic.

- lt's our only chance.

We can't outrun

that Coast Guard boat.

What are you gonna do?

What all good U-boat

commanders would do:

- Make 'em think we're sunk.

- Aren't we?

Charlie, take the jewels out

of the chickens and salamis.

Max, rise toward the surface

without the engines.

The signal's getting stronger, sir.

We're almost on top of them.

Level off, Max.

Charlie, stuff everything

in the torpedo tube.

- ln the torpedo tube?

- You heard me.

Pass me the big salami.

- Torpedo tube stuffed.

- Fire one.

- We only got one.

- Fire it.

[booming]

Fired.

Sir, something's coming at us.

Looks like a small torpedo.

lf it is, it's the first kosher torpedo

l have ever seen.

lt's a salami.

Look.

- What is it?

- The sub must've blown up.

Too much pressure from the dive.

We'd better go back and order

some diving equipment.

- Walsh, drop a marker.

- Aye, sir.

Head for the breakwater.

[engines revving]

- What's going on up there?

- Shh.

- What's that?

- That's their motors.

- They're leaving.

- Take us up, Max, periscope level.

We did it! They're turning back.

Full speed ahead, take it to the top.

Mr. Garland, shall l radio in

and have them send a diver?

- Good idea.

- Right.

- Tom.

- What?

What do you suppose that sea plane's

doing out there?

Sea plane?

Let me see.

- Commander Taylor!

- What is it?

- What? What?

- The sub.

Reverse course,

1 80 degrees.

Well, l'll be.

They didn't blow up.

lt's the old Conrad fight trick.

Full speed,

give her all she's got.

Full speed.

- Sorry, Max.

- Don't mention it.

[Charlie] There's the plane.

[Harry] They're after us.

- They'll catch us.

- Never.

Full speed.

- [Charlie] They're gaining on us.

- l know they're gaining.

- Faster, Max. Faster.

- Faster, faster.

- We'll never make it, Harry.

- We'll make it. We'll make it.

We're almost at the plane.

Stop.

- Buenas tardes, seores.

- Glad to see you. Are we ready to go?

- Si, seor. ls this cash or credit?

- Cash, cash.

Let's go.

Charlie, the basket.

Welcome aboard Trans-Mexican Airways.

l am your hostess Marta Ramirez.

- Coffee, tea or tequila?

- Swell. Take this, please.

Charlie, get in.

- Max.

- Welcome aboard Trans-Mexican Airways.

l am your hostess, Marta Ramirez.

Coffee, tea or tequila?

Max?

Come on, come on.

Welcome aboard Trans-Mexican.

l am your hostess, Marta Ramirez.

- Coffee, tea or tequila?

- Buttermilk.

- Welcome aboard Trans-Mexican...

- You got me already.

You attention, please.

This is your captain speaking.

On this flight you will be flying

6,000 feet, more or less.

- The weather...

- Will you take off, please?

They're turning around.

- Why are we turning around?

- lt's the wrong way.

We must face into the wind

to take off, seor.

Ol! Vroom.

[engine sputtering]

Harry!

Where do you keep the tequila?

- Take off.

- What happened?

- Let's go.

- Ay, chihuahua. We can't take off.

We got too much weight.

Everybody lighten the load.

Throw something down.

- What was that?

- The parachute.

Couldn't you find anything heavier?

- Go ahead and take off.

- We still have too much weight.

- Throw something else overboard.

- What?

- What's left?

- Just this.

Just this?

- [Charlie] Harry!

- Harry!

[Harry] Let me go!

Let me go!

Harry.

Forget it, Harry.

Those are the breaks.

The breaks.

Well, maybe the movie will be good.

You have done it, Garland.

You've come through.

You're Torpedo Tommy's son,

all right.

- Thank you.

- We'd better get on the radio

and have Headquarters alert

the Mexican authorities.

Take all of this, Garlotti and make

an accurate list for the authorities.

Tom, look.

l think we'd better put that in

with the rest of the inventory.

lsn't it beautiful?

lt'd make a wonderful engagement ring,

wouldn't it?

- Perfect.

- Oh, well.

You know something?

l can't seem to get it off my finger.

Funny.

Well, l guess you'll just

have to keep it.

But turn in the pickle.

l don't know how

l'll break the news to my pelican.

That's his problem.

l don't want to lose the girl

who helped me break my jinx.

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