The Boatniks Page #7

How long does it take

to draw up court-martial papers?

Simmons hasn't changed his plans?

- No.

- Good.

You see, he called Miss Fairchild

to reserve his getaway boat.

- Getaway boat?

- l know it sounds incredible,

but you'll see when we open

the picnic basket.

When we open that basket,

it better be loaded with stolen jewelry,

- Mr. Garland, or l...

- Excuse me, sir.

They're here.

Now look busy, Kate.

Think of something to do.

Harry, how long will it take

to fly to Mexico?

Charlie, watch it.

Ah, Miss Fairchild.

ls our boat ready?

- [bird squawking]

- Stop it.

Nonsense. She loves me. l have this

way with kids and with pelicans.

- Our boat?

- Uh, yes, it's ready.

Excellent. On board, men.

The fish are jumpin'.

Commodore, l'd like you to meet

Commander Taylor,

commanding officer

of the station.

How do you do, sir?

You're doing a grand job.

- On board, men.

- Uh...

- Untie the string.

- Commodore.

The reason Commander Taylor

and l came down was to...

...to invite you on board

the Point Maley.

See, it's lnvited Guest On Board Week

with the Coast Guard.

- We could share our lunches...

- Well, we are in a hurry.

You see, the send-out flag is up.

- l can help with your basket.

- No help.

- You've helped enough.

- l insist.

No help.

l don't need your help!

Back, back, you savage.

l'm afraid we have spilled

the contents of your basket.

The Coast Guard will

buy you another lunch.

No harm done, sir.

This chicken is indestructible.

To say nothing of the salami.

l suggest, Mr. Garland,

you return to your quarters,

and consider yourself

relieved of command.

Will you get out of here!

- He's got a pickle.

- Come back, crook.

Never mind the pickle,

let's get out of here.

Oh, give me that.

You want to get heartburn?

[clanging]

[gasping] Tom!

Look!

That's it.

That's it!

Stop!

Stop by the authority invested in me

by the U.S. government!

- They're getting away!

- l need a boat.

- The day sailors.

- l'll never catch them.

Hey, l need your help.

Go find Commander Taylor

and show him this.

And the pickle.

Follow that boat.

Tell Taylor we'll head them off

before they get out to sea.

Go on!

Slow down. The speed limit

is five miles an hour in the harbor.

- Harry.

- Better. Now head for the channel.

- l think we're being followed.

- Followed by who?

lt's that Coast Guard guy.

Doesn't that guy ever give up?

Full speed ahead

and duck in behind those boats.

Why go that way?

The channel's that way.

Will you stop arguing?

We'll lose them in traffic.

[horn honking]

Will you get out of the way!

[horn blaring]

- Keep a steady line.

- These guys keep cutting me off.

[screaming]

[horn sounding]

[all yelling]

l'm trying.

They're cutting in and out.

Through there.

Look out.

- There they are, over there.

- Here comes one on this side.

[horn honking]

[angry shouting]

[man #1] Come on, move it out of here.

- [man #2] Come on, let's go.

- [man #3] Are you a weekend sailor?

- [angry voices continue]

- [Hawaiian music]

Ahoy, Butterfly the Third.

Our radio's out.

Would you send an SOS to

the Davy Jones Liquor Locker,

and tell him we're marooned

without vermouth,

- and we're low on ice.

- We gotta get through.

What do you want, lady?

Get that thing out of the way.

- Harry, he's coming.

- Coming? Coming!

- What do you mean he's coming?

- l mean he's coming.

- Max, get us out of here.

- l'm trying.

Try again.

Over there.

- He's getting closer.

- Too close. Let's get out of here.

Don't go without the bag.

Right in there.

[partygoers chattering]

[chattering continues]

Welcome aboard.

You got here quickly.

lt looks delicious.

- What are you doing?

- Aren't you from the delicatessen?

Delicatessen?

Of course not.

- We're on a picnic.

- On a picnic.

Well, l certainly hope

they get here soon.

We threw an emergency order

overboard in a bottle.

Harry, here he comes.

- Now what do we do?

- We get out of here.

- Hi. Do you hula?

- Only on New Year's Eve.

[woman] Hi. How did you know

we were having a party?

[man] We saw your cocktail flag

through our periscope.

Hey, it's a perfect getaway.

Charlie, get in the submarine.

- That submarine?

- Do what l say. Get in the sub.

- l don't want to go underwater again.

- Do what l say.

- lt don't belong to us.

- Come on, get in there.

Hurry. Max, move it.

Move it.

Max.

Oh, no.

[struggling]

We don't know how to run a sub.

We'll get killed.

- [speaks German]

- What?

lt's tough to speak English

in a U-boat.

- Get this thing going.

- l'm trying to figure out how.

[air blowing]

- Harry.

- Shh. He knows what he's doing.

Don't you, Max?

[quiet roaring]

We're underway.

Better close your hatch, Harry.

Do you play the Hawaiian war drum?

- All we have's a castanet player.

- No.

Have you seen three strange men?

- The boat's loaded with them.

- One was carrying a picnic basket.

- They just went over the rail.

- The rail.

Stop! l order you to stop.

Why? What did l do?

Okay, Max.

Head for the channel.

Excuse me. ls this where

us Sea Scouts are havin' a cookout?

Not hardly.

But it's time

to do your daily good deed.

All right.

Follow that sub! Stroke.

Stroke! Stroke!

lf you find a message

in an empty bottle,

make sure it gets delivered.

[Garland] Stroke. Stroke.

Up periscope.

[strangling noise]

Watch it, will you watch it?

My eye, my eye!

Do you have to...?

- He's still after us.

- Who?

Our albatross.

- Full speed ahead, Max.

- Stroke. Stroke.

They're gaining.

- l can't make this go faster.

- Prepare to dive.

- Underwater?

- Down periscope.

- Ooh.

- [screaming]

Shh. Dive.

[screaming] Harry!

All right. Hold it.

Up periscope.

He doesn't know where we are.

Steady as you go, Max.

Head right for the open sea.

Hey, look, a periscope.

- After them, fellows.

- But they're underwater.

There he is!

There's Tom.

[Walsh] With the Sea Scouts.

He's finally joined

the right service.

[horn sounding]

- Drop the boarding ladder.

- [Walsh] Boarding ladder.

Excuse me, sir.

l know this is

a foolish question, Mr. Garland,

- but what are you doing in that canoe?

- We're chasing the jewel thieves, sir.

They're escaping in a submarine.

You are using a canoe

rowed by Sea Scouts

as a sub chaser.

Mr. Garland.

Please, there's no time to lose.

Walsh, full speed into the channel.

Full speed.

- You think we lost them?

- We're home free.

Conrad Weiss couldn't

have done it any better.

Hold your course, Max.

Due west.

Down periscope.

- [screams] Ow!

- What?

Hey, Harry, they got

torpedo tubes and everything.

- That's for spear fishing.

- Yeah?

Hmm.

You know what?

l'm starting to like this little sub.

After we cut up the loot,

l think l'll buy one for myself.

You'll have to get

a much bigger bathtub.

This sounds absolutely preposterous.

l know, sir,

but what have you got to lose?

Nothing much, just 27 years

in the Coast Guard.

Please, give me permission to institute

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