The Book of Love Page #3

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right back, okay?

But...

Ho ho.

That's Oprah.

Hey, wait a second!

Suck it!

Uh, why are you building a raft?

"F" off, Amber alert.

Wait. Hey, look, I got...

I have the plans.

I have your plans right here.

I did... i did this... i mean,

it's just from memory,

but I mean, you know,

with a few modifications,

but I-I've got

a ton of ideas, okay?

Well, you...

You can use my backyard,

okay? Please,

this is my fault.

Let me...

Let me help you.

Forget it.

Oh, okay, stop.

All right, now, look, I know

you don't know me at all,

and you're right to be dubious

of strangers, but I just...

Well, I...I really think I'm

supposed to do this, to help you.

Sorry.

What's this?

What do you think it is?

I lost my tools in that

fire, you little sh*t.

It was an accident.

I don't care...

Not anymore.

Ah, I promised your old man

I'd look after you, and...

It ain't worth

the money from the state.

Tomorrow morning,

you're on the bus to Biloxi.

You're your aunt's problem now.

Let's get one thing clear.

I ain't doing this

'cause I like you.

I'm doing it 'cause Ahab

and me has got no choice.

Got it.

And if you mess with my stuff,

I'll beat your ass.

Okay, I won't.

Promise me.

I promise.

There's a spare room upstairs.

Oh, we'll sleep in the backyard.

Thank you.

My pa used to say

that most stories

usually don't start

where they're supposed to.

Henry's story really started

on April 28th, 1947.

That's when this dude,

Thor Heyerdahl,

sailed from Peru

to the Tuamotu islands

on a raft made

of balsa wood and scrap.

Months later, he completed

the first trans-pacific crossing

on a raft in, like, 700 years.

You know his most famous quote?

Some years later,

he died of a brain tumor.

Think that's some sh*t.

You little sh*t.

Yeah. My entire yard

is filled with junk,

but, you know, I mean,

I haven't seen her in two days.

Uh, I'm just saying, I...

You know, I just don't think

it's safe for a young girl

to be out all night.

I wouldn't worry.

Man, she seemed tough.

She probably out

looking for more crap.

She ought to go to Pascal's.

He got

a crap-load of crap.

Heh.

Dumbass.

Dumbass!

Hey, I-I gotta go.

Okay. Have a good night.

Okay.

You just add the pot.

You let it cook down

for, like, 20 minutes,

and then, Voil,

tasty, tasty treat.

Now I like to pair this

usually with, like...

Gonna get the munchies, Ahab.

Ahab.

Hi.

You f-ed with my stuff.

I don't... i don't know

what you're talking about.

Why the hell's

Ahab asleep, then?

Oh, I...

Maybe he was tired.

My white ass.

Hey, hey, what...

What are you doing?

Bingo.

What bingo? What...

Your eyes darted.

No. No, my...

No, they didn't. I...

Y-you're sweating

something.

I'm not sweating anything.

Over...

Here?

What's this?

Pfft. That's... nothing.

A stew that I made earlier.

Oh, yeah?

I'll have some then.

No, no, no!

Don't! Don't! Don't!

You don't want this...

No, this...

You wouldn't like this.

It's... it's gluten-free

and very...

Mmm.

Oh, delicious, though.

And then...

Either you're eating the

rest of this sh*t, or I am.

No. No.

Okay.

Can I ask you a question?

What have you got against me?

Nothing I ain't got

against nobody else.

That's a non-answer.

What's a non-answer?

Wouldn't you like to know?

You want to know what I think?

No.

I'm gonna tell you.

I think a girl like you

has never really

had anybody help her,

and so she doesn't know

how to trust anybody.

Thanks, Dr. Phil.

What, you think I'm wrong?

I think you're pretty much nuts.

Says the girl who's building

a raft out of garbage.

Open.

Mm, seriously, though,

what are you

gonna do with that thing?

Where are you gonna go?

Seriously, though, shut up.

Okay. Then tell me about the guy

in the... who wrote the journal.

You know, does he make it?

Does he die at the end?

Keep eating.

You know, even if you finish it,

you gotta leave

before the trade winds

change the whole north

Equatorial current, right?

Yeah. So?

"Yeah, so?"

You're not impressed

that I know that?

Internet, brain, equals answers.

So I went ahead... here.

I went ahead, and I made a

list of all your stuff.

I knew it.

Mm-hmm.

And that's all the stuff

that we still need to get.

We?

Yes.

You, me, and...

What is the dog's name?

Ahab.

Ahab.

Me, you, and Ahab.

This is all we got...

Ahab. Ahab.

We gotta get this stuff.

All that stuff,

it'll help make

the raft more worthy,

like, um...

Worthy of the... the sea.

What is the word for that?

There's a word for that.

Well, what makes you think

I'll let you help me?

M-mmm-mmm.

Because.

That's an non-answer,

ain't it?

That is.

You're a quick learner.

That's good.

I gotta pee.

Whoo!

Don't eat any more

of that stew, young lady.

It's adult stew.

Ow.

Oh, my god.

Mister.

The floor attacked me.

I'm sorry I lied about

the stew, little girl.

I'm not a pervert.

I promise.

Mildred.

Hmm?

That's my name.

But it's for sh*t,

so you can call me Millie.

Mildred?

Heh heh.

Yeah, right.

Millie.

All right, Millie.

Hey.

Legend has it, in 1959,

an average plumber

from Montauk, New York,

William Willis,

believed he could talk

to his wife with his mind.

It's called telemetry

or some sh*t.

This one day,

while watching TV...

Progress is man's ability

to complicate simplicity.

Grooves in each log to house...

he got this crazy idea.

And to provide

the basis for a deck.

So he grabbed his journal

and started drawing,

not really knowing why.

A few weeks later,

he set sail on his own raft

made of only

the wooden junk he could find,

just like that Thor dude.

He done made it halfway to

south America all by his self,

surviving the sun and thirst

with nothing but peaches

and tomatoes to fill his belly.

And after almost two months,

his voyage came to an end.

He found

what he was looking for.

And at that moment, when he

realized he was gonna make it...

Only one person

in the whole world

ever knew what he was thinking.

67% of deaths happen

when nobody's looking.

I read that in a book once.

Oh, whoa.

And with the support of the

mayor and the city council,

the New Orleans waterfront and

commercial redevelopment project

is going to transform our city.

Hello.

Henry, I know you did not forget

about the groundbreaking today.

Wendell? Wendell, hi.

Where you been, Henry?

Do you remember when you said

I needed to heal my gills?

I... you know,

I'm doing that.

Now, listen, Henry, I...I

feel for what you're going...

I feel for what you've gone through, Henry.

I really do,

but you are the brains

of this project,

and you are beginning to

jeopardize the account.

Now, I need you to focus

and get to work.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

Yes, I'm right.

I'm gonna need

a truck, right? A...

What?

A... a big truck.

W-why do we

need a truck?

The, um... yeah.

I mean,

I...I can also ask,

uh, Pascal and dumbass to help.

Henry, I don't know... i don't

know what you're talking about.

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