The Boss Page #10

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You know, I...

If anyone's curious,

I do think I know how to fix this.

I signed that contract with Renault

late Friday night.

I wanna remind you I was wounded,

I was a little tipsy.

- CLAIRE:
Oh, God.

- Okay.

And it's Sunday.

No one will be in his offices.

Plus, he can't file

for a corporate change of ownership

until tomorrow morning.

I can get in there tonight,

I can get that contract,

and I can take our company back.

Wait, what do you mean "get the contract"?

He must have scanned and emailed it

a hundred times by now.

No, no, no. Anybody else, yes, but not him.

Ronald is completely paranoid

about being hacked. Okay?

He has no cell phones, no emails.

He leaves no digital trail.

Claire knows this.

He's all old-school pen and paper.

It's the samurai way.

Okay, I'm in. Let's do this. I'm in.

CLAIRE:
Why would you be in?

MIKE:
What do you mean why would I be in?

You've been talking all morning about

how you wanted to get your company back.

And you guys are gonna need help,

and I'm a helpful guy.

How's that for a reason?

You're gonna get rewarded for that.

MIKE:
Well, that's not why I did it.

- I'm in, too.

- MICHELLE:
No, Claire.

This is my fault and I'm gonna fix it.

Michelle, this is my decision.

And I want our company back.

Yes, Claire.

All right, let's f*** this sh*t up.

- Language.

- Sorry. I'm sorry.

I need to get a sitter.

Yeah, you do.

MICHELLE:
As soon as we get out

I want you to grab the gasoline,

some rags, and torch the van.

MIKE:
What are you talking about?

I rented the van. It's on my credit card.

You go down, you go down alone.

How would we even get home?

That's a good point. MVP, Claire.

Uh-oh. There's no door handle back here.

There's absolutely... Oh.

- Thank you, Claire.

- (CLEARS THROAT)

Okay. I still don't think you should be here.

But if we get caught,

I want you to tell the police

that I forced you here by gun.

You gotta watch out for Rachel.

Okay. You don't have a gun, though, right?

- What am I, a thug?

- Okay.

MIKE:
I'm such a badass!

This is gonna be amazing!

Also, by the way, guys,

I was googling jail sentences.

Since none of us are actually armed,

minimal jail time.

Oops. Just excuse me for one minute.

(GASPS) Michelle!

Well, it's a collector's item.

Ditch it.

Chuckin' a gun in a garbage can. That's smart.

- What?

- Oh, my God.

Okay! I know it was wrong. I self-corrected.

No, you didn't. I just asked you to throw...

Well, you made me throw it away. Okay.

Okay, there it is. Renault Enterprises.

The contract is probably in his private office,

which is at the top of the building.

I'm guessing there's a safe,

could be in the wall.

Could be behind

one of those creepy paintings.

There's one guard on duty tonight.

Mike, I need you to distract the guard

while Claire lumbers in,

and I follow behind like a cougar.

Okay, next, we head upstairs.

Claire, I'm gonna give you a head start

'cause I'm gonna take

those motherfuckers 10 at a time.

You stand there

with your mouth hangin' open, and pointin',

and I'll slide into home base.

Mike, I need you to distract the guard

by coming from the east, turning him around,

so when we approach,

while you're sucking his dick,

we can get right past him.

So under no circumstances...

I'm sucking his what?

You're sucking his dick.

- I'm sucking his dick?

- Oh.

MICHELLE:
Well, I'm not gonna suck his dick.

I'm the brains behind it.

The brains never sucks the dick.

- Why am I sucking his dick?

- I don't wanna suck his dick!

Claire doesn't wanna suck his dick!

How 'bout none of us suck that man's penis?

Yeah, what if nobody sucks his dick?

No dick suckin'.

Well, I worked on that plan a long time.

Fine. Fine, let's go to plan B.

MIKE:
Yeah, that sounds good.

If you're gonna be a baby and not suck dick,

that's fine with me.

(GROANING)

- KENNY:
Hey, there.

- Hey! How you doing?

Is this 9800 Michigan?

I'm late for a birthday party.

No, this is 9900.

- This is 9900?

- Yeah.

- Well, wouldn't you know it?

- Yeah.

Why are you dressed like that?

What are you dressed as?

I'm glad you asked me.

I am actually a demon. I'm a phoenix.

(SNICKERING)

Pretty cool, right?

Are you into demons?

Yeah. I know a fair amount.

KENNY:
That is very cool.

MIKE:
You can touch the feathers if you want.

Yeah, a lot of people don't know that.

It was a demon.

It's actually pronounced Quetzalcatl.

(WHISPERING) He's talking too much.

He'd be a lot quieter

with a penis in his mouth.

- I'm into demons.

- You are?

- Yeah.

- I think you said that.

I really am. I do a lot of fantasy role-play.

That's so weird.

Yeah, gets a little boring in here sometimes.

- I bet.

- I whistle.

- You whistle?

- I whistle a lot in here.

- Let's hear some.

- Yeah.

(WHISTLING)

Why is that one whistling?

Just kind of holding that one note.

Yeah, I like to do that. I like to play

with bars and structures, things like that.

MIKE:
You got a real hefty

lung capacity there.

I never got your name.

- Yeah, it's... It's Jim. Jimberly.

- Jim?

- Jimberly?

- Jimberly Stevenson.

(MIKE YELLING)

What's going on?

It's a cramp! God, I got a cramp!

- Kenny!

- All right. I can help you. I can help you.

- It's in the quad! No, it's in the quad.

- Right here? Right here?

That's the top. That's the top.

KENNY:
Okay? Right there?

MIKE:
That's a little too close

to the groin, Kenny.

That's a no-fly zone.

- All right? How's that?

- Jelly. Back to square one.

- We're good?

- Yup! Yup, yup.

- I don't wanna overdo it.

- Phew.

Okay. Well, hey.

- Kenny, you're one of the good ones, man.

- Yeah.

Yeah, not a lot of guys

would do that for another guy.

- I'll do it for you.

- Thanks, man.

- But we'll hang. We'll do it.

- Yeah, we'll totally hang.

No big deal, buddy.

All right, have a good one.

Bye, Jimberly.

That's an odd choice for a lobby sculpture.

He's an odd guy.

You know, they say

he killed a man in Costa Rica.

What?

Oh, Jesus.

Jimberly. "J", "J".

Maybe it's "J-Y-M."

What the f***? There's no Jimberlys.

Okay, well, where is it?

I'm sorry,

I was a little tipsy last time I was here.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

- Oh.

- (GASPS)

- Oh, God!

- Oh, my God. Guys, check us out!

We're total burglars.

We burgle. We're burgling!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I feel like this is going great.

Michelle, you brought trash bags,

baby wipes, shower gel.

Do you actually think we're gonna need rope?

Come on! Every story

about a burglar always involves rope.

- That's true.

- It's in all the movies.

I am a mogul, not a cat burglar.

I'm also the only one

that thought to bring provisions.

MIKE:
Michelle, stop! I forgot, I'm sorry.

I stole the guard's keycard

while he was massaging me.

- (CHUCKLING)

- You stole his key?

Yeah. Okay.

MIKE:
Somebody loves Mortal Kombat.

CLAIRE:
Let's just find the contract

and get outta here.

- Okay.

- I bet you he put it in his panic room.

That's what I'd do if I had a panic room.

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