The Boy in the Dress Page #4

Come on, John!

Oh, here we go again.

Peter, just look at

your beautiful son.

Look at what he can do.

Go on!

4-4.

Oh, the drama!

Come on, Dennis. Score one for me!

Penalty! Penalty.

Come on, Dennis. Come

on, you can do it. Come on, Dennis.

Hey. Dad, you came!

Go get 'em, son.

Good luck, Gareth.

It's yours, mate, if you're up to it.

Oh, my word, it's Elm Forest!

Did we win?

We won?!

Yes! Yes! I knew it!

I knew you could do it! Yeah!

Somebody should sign that lad.

This is my son.

This is my boy.

That's my brother, that is.

And I love him...

...more than I can ever say.

How did you get to be so good, son?

How did you get so ruddy good?

How beautiful.

Not you, boy.

You're not an Elm Forest pupil.

But I thought...

Well, you thought wrong.

Now get off the pitch this instant.

Hey, you wouldn't have that cup

if it wasn't for my Dennis.

Your son came to school

wearing a dress.

He is an appalling specimen.

I couldn't be prouder of him.

We all are.

Come on, love, let's go home.

Have you found a new school yet?

Not yet. I'm going to miss you.

I'm going to miss you too.

Come on, the new Vogue's out today.

I'll buy you one as a present.

Aha, my favourite customers!

A very merry Christmas to you both.

Merry Christmas, Raj.

Dennis, I am so sorry to

hear about your expulsion.

Thanks. What is so wrong with

wearing a dress, huh?

I often like to dress

entirely in red Lycra

and pretend I am on Strictly!

It's no biggie!

Now, if only there was a way to

reason with your headmaster.

I've tried everything.

Hmm. You could talk to his sister.

His sister? Yes.

She comes here first thing every

Sunday morning to buy her newspaper.

You could ask her to speak to him.

I guess it's worth a try.

Now, would you like to buy

some of my special ice cream soup?

What's ice cream soup?

Something I invented while waiting

for the freezer repair man to come.

It also has oven chips

and fish fingers in it.

This is silly. Who needs to

go to the shops this early?

Think that's her?

She could be his sister.

She's very tall.

And she's got enormous feet.

You don't think?

Mr Hawthorn!

Do you mean my brother?

Erm, he's at home dining on toast

and eggs this fine morning.

It is you!

Children, my name is

Harriet Hawthorn!

Pleased to make your acquaintance.

We know it's you.

Oh, all right. I'm Mr Hawthorn.

What of it?

You're in... You're in a dress.

How dare you?!

This is a blouse and skirt ensemble.

All right, a blouse and skirt!

Listen, being a headmaster is

an extremely stressful job.

If I want to relax in my time off

wearing clothes I find... comfortable,

well, that's my business.

I was comfortable in a dress

until you expelled me.

Yes, but you were breaking a school

rule. It's completely different.

Oh, yeah, I bet all the kids at

school will see it the same way,

when we tell them.

Are you trying to blackmail me? No.

Er, yes. Sorry, yes.

What do you want?

Dennis Simms.

What do you think you're doing here?

Look at this. It's a monstrosity.

It's still school uniform.

I just gave it a little re-edit.

In all my years,

I've never seen anything quite...

So very creative. Please.

What?

That's a very pretty frock you're

wearing today, Miss Price.

Oh, thank you.

It's, er, just from the shop

on the high street.

Do they stock it for the...

larger lady?

You're back? Yeah.

What about Hawthorn?

He, erm, came round to my way of

thinking.

I'll see you later.

Oh, right, good luck.

Miss?

Oh. Oh, you're back.

I'm sorry I said you had a bad

French accent.

You've actually got the best

French accent out there,

and that includes all

the ones in France.

Oh, do you really think so?

Merci beaucoup, Dennis.

I must say, you pulled off that

dress rather well.

Tres a la mode. Thanks, Miss.

I've, er, I've written

a play for the spring term

and there's a perfect

part for you in it.

It's called Joan of Arc.

Can you guess who I want you to

play?

Joan? Correctement! Yes!

You see, she was a girl that

wore boys' clothes.

So you would be a boy

dressed as a girl dressed as a boy.

That would really make people

think, wouldn't it? I suppose.

Tres bien.

It's all in French, by the way.

Hey.

This is yours.

I'm sorry.

I miss her too.

John, you're not going to

eat all that, yeah? Why not?

Well, because we've got guests

coming for our little

Christmas party. Who? Just some

friends and, er, a lady friend.

Happy Christmas!

Happy Christmas to you, too.

Aren't you going to ask us in, then?

Oh, of course, come in, come in,

come on. Through there.

All right, Darvesh. All right?

Peter! You bad, bad boy!

Eh?

Ooooh! Come on!

Wow! Perfect, Peter.

Yeah, don't start that.

Peter, OK, I'm starving.

Got any mince pies?

Put that down!

I'm Dennis.

I live in an ordinary house,

in an ordinary street

in an ordinary town.

I feel different.

But, then, doesn't everyone?

Merry Christmas!

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