The Boys Are Back Page #4

And not like in a dream.

- Actually there.

- Me, too.

Everyone run around.

You've got to chase everyone, okay?

- Three million!

- Three million?

We'll be here for weeks.

Get ready. I'm counting to 100.

One, two, three, four, five...

...99, 100!

Coming, ready or not.

Come on, little children.

Come to Daddy,

because I love to play

with the little children

and give them lots of lovely pressies.

For God's sake. You're going

to get yourself bloody arrested.

Aha!

I think I see one of the little darlings.

- Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry.

- No, no, no, no. It's okay.

- You can't catch me. No, no.

- Come here, you horrible little goblin!

Boys, boys, look what you made me do.

You made me angry.

I didn't mean to shout at you.

Come

and find me. Come and find me.

I'm right here.

I think I know that little voice.

Gotcha!

Happy birthday, birthday boy.

"Just say yes"?

It has the power to change

the way you live.

- Really?

- It seems to work for us.

- It's not just an easy way out?

- It's not easy at all. It's really difficult.

Our kids ask us to do a whole range of

unsuitable things and we just go, "No."

We don't even think about it.

That's the habit I'm trying to control.

Artie says,

"Can we go and swim in the river?"

I say, "No. I have to go

and buy some milk."

And you don't worry

about spoiling him?

No. It's what he needs.

You're a brave man.

- Thanks for everything.

- Bye.

Yeah?

What was that you were playing?

Just something I made up.

- It sounded good.

- Thanks.

Do you and your mum

ever play together?

Sometimes.

I did love your mother very much,

you know.

Then why did you leave?

Married couples of my mother

and father's generation

stayed together

for the sake of the children.

We divorced for the same reason.

Are you saying you divorced

for my sake?

I thought it was because you got

another woman pregnant.

Well, there was that, too.

We had some dreadful fights,

you know.

I was no match for your mother

in combat.

It can't have been all bad. You had me.

No, of course not.

In the beginning, it was great.

Listen, there's something

I want to ask you.

Look, if you're imagining that

your mother and I would

ever get back together again...

Jesus, Dad.

Her boyfriend's just moved in,

for Christ's sake.

- Really? When?

- I don't know. A few months ago.

- How's that for you?

- I'm away at school mostly.

What's he like?

He's nice.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks

for all your help today.

You were great.

It's a huge goal. It's a wonder-strike.

It's a wonder-strike.

- Don't want to play soccer.

- Why not?

Funny thing, isn't it? The minute

you think you're getting things sorted

is the moment it all starts to fall apart.

- There it is!

- The ball went the other way!

For God's sake.

Guys, guys, can you put your

dirty clothes in the laundry baskets?

Jeez! Do I have to do everything

around here?

- Daddy, can I have some Coke?

- "Can I have some Coke," what?

Can I have some Coke now?

Can I teach you some manners, Arthur?

- N-O. Mind your own business.

- "Just say yes."

Put some bloody clothes on,

both of you.

- Why?

- You know why.

- Laura's bringing Lucy round.

- Why are you so angry?

I'm not angry.

What makes you think I'm angry?

- Hey, welcome.

- Hi.

Hey, guess what.

One of our chooks had ducklings.

- What?

- Chickens that can swim.

- And fly.

- And sh*t on your head.

- Can I come and see them?

- Of course you can.

- Drink? One glass? Family red.

- I've got some things to do.

- I should get back.

- One glass.

- Leave those.

- Are you sure?

Absolutely. I've discovered

this amazing cupboard in the kitchen,

which not only stores the dishes,

it actually cleans them.

Really?

The housework has come

as a big shock, I have to admit,

even though I watched so much of it

over the years.

The cooking, the cleaning,

the ironing, the shopping,

hoovering the carpets

when they change color...

How did you meet Katy?

I interviewed her.

She was an equestrian.

I met her at some horse trials

in England.

She was with the Aussie team.

I made her pregnant,

she came back to be near her parents.

I followed.

What was she like?

Uniquely endowed

with intelligence, rowdiness,

sex appeal, energy,

and, as it turned out, cancer.

And then one day Lucy asked me,

"Mummy, what is dope?"

- And what did you say?

- I said,

"Dope is a special name

I like to call Daddy."

- What is his name?

- It's Bree.

Brie? Like the runny cheese?

I haven't heard that one before.

I've got to drive.

So, how are things since the divorce?

Fine. He was a terrible husband

but okay dad,

you know, now that he's clean.

So, what is it you want?

Something I can't have.

I mean, I've got plenty of people

I can do things with.

I've just got no one

I can do nothing with.

Hi.

We'd better be going, I think.

- I never want to see Lucy ever again.

- What?

She spoils every game,

and she's always supposed to be

the big sister and boss me around.

I thought you wanted to go

and live with them?

I don't anymore.

Well, Laura's my friend. I'm not going

to stop seeing her on your account.

We'll see about that.

He's not upset because of Lucy.

It's because of you.

He had you all to himself,

and then I came along,

...and now Laura.

- Laura?

She's a friend. Can I not have friends?

God, Dad, anyone can see

how much you fancy her.

Don't be so bloody precocious.

- You wanted a word?

- Yeah.

I see you've assigned coverage

of the Open to Digby.

Yeah, yeah,

I just thought he could bring...

I want you there.

I've done it for the last four years.

I just thought...

Look, I cut you a lot of slack

when Katy was ill,

you know,

and then after she passed away.

- Three months, Joe.

- I know, and I appreciate it.

Artie. Hey, cut that out.

Sorry, he's a bit under the weather.

I want you there, Joe,

from the first point to the last.

I need my top sports writer covering

top sporting events.

Otherwise, you're not

my top sports writer, eh?

Come on.

I have checked all the airlines.

There's absolutely no seats

available for the boys.

Well, maybe I could drive.

What is it, seven hours?

Ditto hotels. Everything's booked.

So, those are done.

Now, what about this one?

- Yeah, sure.

- That one there.

Excuse me.

- Is everything okay?

- Yeah, how are you?

Busy. We've got the winemakers here.

Listen, I'm in a bit of a jam.

I was wondering if you might be able

to stay down at the house

...with Harry and Artie.

- Hmm. When?

Next week. I have to go away

to cover the tennis.

- This coming week?

- Yeah.

Shouldn't you have

thought of this before?

Well, I've been trying to take them

with me, but it's not possible.

Why don't you ask that girl

you're seeing?

- What girl?

- The one at Arthur's party.

She looked perfectly at home to me.

One minute, Flick wants me back.

The next, I'm seeing someone.

- Well, aren't you?

- No, I'm not.

Look, we're really stretched here, Joe.

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