The Brady Bunch Movie Page #4

Dinner's ready! Oh, my nose!

- Are you all right?

- I'm sorry.

Me, too.

Let's have a look, Marcia.

I look awful. Just awful!

I can never show my face

in school again. I'm ruined!

I know you feel terrible,

but it'll get better.

I'm sure no one will ever notice.

Oh, my goodness,

what happened to your...

...mother's favourite picture?

It's crooked.

I mean, the painting's crooked.

I think I'd better go.

I think I hear the nose boy. I mean,

the news boy. Oh, boy, did I blow it!

Now I'll never be a teen model.

I'll never be anything.

What's the point?

I might as well die.

- Don't forget my $10 reward.

- I made more than you. Almost $12.

I got $15 from Mrs Dittmeyer.

Boy, is she a good tipper!

But we're still nowhere near $20,000.

This is just awful!

You can say that again.

Tonight's the school dance

and my nose hasn't gone down.

I saw something on the bulletin board

about a Search for the Stars contest.

They're looking for fresh young musical

groups. First prize is exactly $20,000.

- Sure, Jan. Like we'd really win.

- We might as well rob a bank.

Stop fighting. Time's running out,

and we still have to find a way out.

I sure am going to miss this house.

Uh-oh, here comes Mom and Dad.

Now, remember everyone. Act happy.

We can't let on we know anything.

Mike, you don't think

the kids suspect anything, do you?

Of course not. But just to make sure,

we should act extra happy.

Well, you know

what makes us the happiest.

Potato sack race!

Get ready, get set, go!

- What can I do you for?

- Explain what Mrs Brady said.

If Mike Brady won't sell,

we're all screwed.

Let me set the record straight.

The Bradys are selling,

my clients are buying,

and you're all making out like bandits.

Scotch?

- Are you calling my wife a liar?

- Steve, no!

I'm saying you can't believe the Bradys.

You've seen the insane stuff they do.

How about this AstroTurf lawn

they treat like real grass?

And, excuse me, a family that's

happy all the time? Not possible.

It is strange how

they spend their weekends.

Hopping around in potato sacks.

And I hear that their maid works

for free. Can you understand that?

I was over there once.

One bathroom for nine people?

And I never did see a toilet.

Oh, please!

They've got to poop somewhere.

I rest my case.

Hi, I'm Doug Simpson.

- Marcia's date.

- Oh, right, the big man on campus.

Come on in, Doug.

Marcia, Doug's here.

Hi, Doug.

The big man on campus, huh?

Yeah, right.

- Hi, Doug.

- Hi, Marcia.

Is anything wrong?

Sweetheart,

I think you'd better show him.

You still want to go out with me?

Of course I do.

It's not your nose I'm after.

It's a fine boy Marcia's got there.

Oh, Marcia, it looks like rain.

You'd better take your shawl.

Doug, do you have any protection?

- Yes. Assorted colours and textures.

- Good for you.

- Have fun, kids.

- Bye-bye.

But, Doug,

this isn't the school dance.

I figured we'd unwind here

before we go down.

Mind if I change the station?

It is windy tonight.

Let's put the top up.

- I'll keep you warm, Marcia.

- Doug, your hand is on my shoulder.

- So?

- That's third base.

And I don't go that far.

- I felt your tongue in my mouth!

- That's a French kiss.

- I thought you were from Nebraska.

- I am.

I don't know what you were thinking,

but I don't do that.

You may live your life one way, but

we Bradys follow our own drummer.

I hope this doesn't sour

the rest of our date.

You Bradys suck!

- Excuse me.

- No, thank you.

- I don't take rides from strangers.

- I just want to get to West Dale High.

West Dale High?

You're one groovy chick.

- You're happening in a far-out way.

- Thanks.

Peter.

Yeah.

Excuse me.

Can I have your attention, please?

You may know me as Greg Brady,

but tonight I'd like to introduce you

to Johnny Bravo.

First, I'd like to do a number I wrote for

the grooviest chick at West Dale High.

One, two, three, four...

Clowns never laughed before

Beanstalks never grew

Ponies never ran before...

Hi, everybody,

this is the new Jan Brady.

Am I a hit? Do you like it?

Wow! It worked.

I really made a splash.

Attention, please. I have some

news that'll make everyone flip.

What about me?

I didn't want to get your hopes up...

Marcia did it again.

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.

...but here he is, Davy Jones!

Thanks a lot for being here, Davy.

I mean, Mr Jones.

Anything for my number one fan.

Look, it really is Davy Jones!

- Hi, Charlie.

- Hey, Marcia.

It was rude of me to break our date.

How can I make it up to you?

Say, Marcia, how about a dance?

Why, I'd love to, Charlie Anderson.

Hey, where are you going?

Something suddenly came up.

- Marcia, you looked great up there.

- Thanks, Noreen.

Hey, Marcia, you got a sec?

Forget it. Even with a swollen nose

I can still smell a rat.

Slut.

Marcia, would you get our coats?

I have a little matter to discuss.

Sure, Charlie.

I heard what you said, Doug,

and I'm not going

to let you talk to Marcia like that.

- What are you going to do about it?

- I'm going to... lose... consciousness.

Hey, Doug,

how's about a little punch?

Is he dead?

Wow! Charlie, thanks.

Couldn't have done it better myself.

Here.

Are you OK?

- I really had a great time, Marcia.

- Yeah. Me, too, Charlie.

- Well, bye.

- Bye.

So, can I have a kiss goodnight?

Well, OK, Charlie.

Marcia, I think

I just felt your tongue in my mouth.

It's called a French kiss, Charlie.

Marcia, I've got to go.

Something suddenly came up.

- 32, 24, hike!

- Dinner's ready.

My nose!

What a nice dream.

- Jan, what is it? Is my nose worse?

- No, it's better.

The hardest thing about health clubs

is getting people to leave their house.

- Well, what do you think?

- I love it.

Consider yourself hired.

You would? I see.

All right!

Mom, Dad.

Hey, why the gloom?

We just had a kid meeting and decided

we don't mind if we have to move.

We tried to raise

the money ourselves,

but there are only two days left

and we could only get $110.

What? How did you know

about the house and the tax bill?

Oops.

Do I have to remind you that when

you tattle on someone,

you're telling on yourself as well,

...and telling them that you're

a tattle-tale? We've heard it, Dad.

Kids, you've nothing to worry about.

Today your father sold a design and

now he can get that $20,000 advance.

All right!

I appreciate what you tried to do.

From now on, no more secrets.

We still have our home.

So let's celebrate. Put on your

Sunday best. We're going to Sears.

Hey, everybody, look at Alice.

- Far out, Alice.

- Neato.

And I thought Sam had magic fingers.

- Hey, everybody, look!

- Let's have a look!

I'm on TV!

Oh, my God! Tori Spelling's here

autographing her new perfume!

Bill. Brady.

Occupant. Bill. Brady.

Joint consolidated tax bill.

Final notice.

"Dear Mr Brady... failure to pay...

"...house will be auctioned

2 p. m. Tomorrow.

"$20,000."

Deena! Deena!

This is the greatest day of our lives!

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