The Brand New Testament Page #3

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He traded the hours of his life

for a shitty job with shitty hours.

When he found out how much time

he had left to live...

he sat on a bench.

And he decided never to move again.

So, if there were no air,

would birds fall?

Dunno.

How can fish breathe?

They have gills.

I'll make a note of that.

- Could I have gills?

- No, you're a child.

What becomes of children?

They become parents. Somtimes.

- What became of your mother?

- She died.

Why did she die?

Because she was old.

- What becomes of old people, then?

- They die.

Your music is 'Le rappel des oiseaux'

by Rameau.

He says he likes you.

Why does he stay in this park

if he can fly anywhere?

He says, he could ask you

the same question.

He's gone.

An apostle who's not there,

isn't that serious?

No, I don't think so.

All we needed was to get acquainted.

Excuse me...

I'm looking for a girl with

black hair, a bit sickly...

It hurts.

Why did you do that?

Oh, that was me. Damn.

EA! EAAA!

Hey you, bum!

What the f*** are you up to?

Eating out of garbage cans?

I'm looking for a girl with black hair.

You can't eat out of a dumpster.

That garbage isn't yours.

And you stink.

I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding!

That's because I smashed your face in.

He has nothing on him.

Found between two cars.

Does it hurt when I do this?

Moron! Of course it hurts!

It's a sprain!

I know, because I created sprains.

And migraines. That was me too!

- Give me morphine.

- Sir, we don't just hand it out.

Aw, shut up! I'm sick of you.

Don't piss me off, a**hole!

- Gimme that, I'm hungry.

- Are you out of your mind?

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO THE SEX MANIAC

The third apostle was named Marc.

He called himself "sex maniac".

Change me

You wanna change me

it's so much easier

to change me than try...

Marc didn't think of his parents, often.

But when Marc thought of them,

usually the same memories came to mind.

I remember the caravan model 'Comtesse'

which my parents bought on

a ten year mortgage.

A few cubic meters that smelled of soap,

tanning lotion and tomato sauce.

Through the anti-mildew curtain

you can hear the rain falling on

the campground 'Manga del Mar Menor'.

I'm nine, and my life changed,

barely three hours ago.

Legs, long like pulled taffy

a turquoise bikini as big as

two dots and a comma.

She looked at me with a strange expression

a mixture of interest and disgust.

I wanted to eat her.

I smiled stupidly.

She was the daughter

of the German family.

Of course, I have many other

memories of my childhood.

What's strange is, that in each

memory there's a little sadness.

You see my eyebrows?

As if I was making an effort.

Naturally, I AM making an effort.

I try to prevent all the images

in my head from bursting out of my eyes

and splattering against the

clean walls of my parents' living room.

For two years, the image of the

German girl, with her caramel legs

the contempt in her eyes and

the violent turquoise of her bikini

have never left my mind.

Then other girls came along.

The hairdresser's daughter.

The one with the cute nose

and tight pants.

- The baker's daughter.

- With Her doe eyes

which looked so sad, it seemed

as if she'd just been crying.

Cathy, the neighbor's daughter.

So timid, that when she talks,

it sounds like a tire blowing out.

He hit it! Papa, he hit it!

What becomes of children?

They become adults.

And what becomes of adults?

Sometimes they have children.

Will you have children?

I don't have the time. Not in 83 days.

And first I'd have to meet a girl.

Look at the girl. Smile...

unless she says something sad.

Lesson 2.

If she touches her hair, say:

- I love your hairdo. Very original.

- I love your hairdo. Very original.

- You're different from other girls.

- You're different from other girls.

I really love your hairdo.

Very original.

When he learned he had only

83 days to live

He thought, time is too short.

He hadn't a day to lose.

I thought, I'll empty out

my bank account.

18,000 euro, 83 days to live,

200 euros per day,

and the rest for food.

It's all there.

At the same time,

so close at hand

yet so far away.

I want them all, all...

Life would be like a miracle.

Let the days pass and

take me towards death.

Nothing matters anymore,

my life will be as I dreamed.

Never, in my life, I'd imagined

days so full of happiness.

Days flavored of fresh fruits,

days flavored of grand mysterious voyages

salty flavored days,

days of infinite beauty.

Until the day I ran out of money.

200 euros a day is a bit short.

Salty flavored days ...

Does 'gout' have an accent?

- Why isn't everything free on earth?

- I don't know.

Your music is 'O Solitude' by Purcell.

It was written for a voice like yours.

You have a very nice voice.

You could try to earn some

money with your voice.

Test. 1, 2, 3 ... Test.

Perfect. When you see the 'H' start.

- OK.

- Ah, ooh...

- Aah...

- More, more.

- Yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes...

- Great. Oh good!

- Ahh!

OK, very good.

I'll just change the roll.

Ah, Proust.

'In Search of Lost Time'

"For a long time I would go to bed early"

I especially like Elstir.

I can't figure out if he's

really in love with Andre

or if it's to make Albertine jealous.

Just 'to call a spud a spud'?

Pardon?

'call a spate a spate'.

- There's some sadness in Proust.

- I think so too.

Through his secondary characters

Proust 'in a grain of pepper'

manages to 'pull the doughnuts

out of the fire'.

I like the way you talk.

Excuse my French, I always

'put my mouth in my foot'.

The way you said

"call a spud a spud", is lovely.

Why? Isn't that how you say it?

No.

- Manga del Mar Menor.

- Bitte? (sorry?)

Manga del Mar Menor.

The campground. The beach.

That boy was me.

Das kleine Kind, das war ich.

- Wirklich? (Really?)

- Ja.

- Das warst du? (That was you?)

- Ja.

It's been a pleasure.

Would you like to...

Yes.

My heart is pounding

like a 'stammer'.

Mine too.

- Good night.

- Good night.

... 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7...

... 13, 14, 15!

Andale. Piss off.

Stand in line!

- This line's faster.

- Get back there!

No, no...

I'm god!

Such a beautiful face.

It radiates peace.

God tells us,

'love your neighbor as yourself'.

- I never said that.

- Pardon?

- I never said that!

- No, I...

I detest myself, so I'd never say it.

I'd say, I dunno...

detest your neighbor

as you detest yourself.

But that guy, there ...

screwed it up.

He improvised.

Went with his feelings. See?

But 'I' am God.

I invented all the crap.

You're a nice guy. Hm?

- Got a big heart?

- I try.

You're daydreamer.

Ludovic.

Your mother died when you were five.

No? And you were grief-stricken.

And you got polio, afterwards.

Oh, poor Ludovic.

One leg shorter than the other.

How, sad!

And little Ccile.

Remember Ccile?

Lovely little Ccile!

You were in love with Ccile.

You loved Ccile, huh?

When you gave her flowers,

what did she do? Laughed in your face!

She laughed in your face because

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