The Brass Teapot Page #6

You know, I really used to believe...

That people on this side of town

were so much happier and better.

Wait.

They have nastier secrets...

Than you and I could ever imagine.

Well, I can't foresee this ending badly.

You sure about this?

Yep.

It's another level.

Oh, boy.

Well, hey, guys.

What is this?

Just open it.

Get it over with.

Casper?

Your careless wife left him in

a hot car for three hours...

When you were out of town last summer.

How could you?

Ricky.

No! Get away from us!

Please don't make me do this.

Fun.

Yeah, that's this office

that we're in right now.

That's your husband's foot

in-- in josh the intern's mouth.

And that's the couch that we're sitting on.

That should be all right.

That should be enough.

Thank you very much.

Um, you can keep that.

She thinks she can

But nobody knows what lies behind

The days before the day we die

Da-da-die, da-da-die, die

Da-da-die

He has no idea he's not the kid's father?

She got pregnant before she met him.

Told him it was his and said

the baby was premature.

Nine pounds, six ounces.

And joe believed her.

Poor bastard.

Hey, honey, why don't you go

finger-knit with the other kids...

In the other room?

Great.

See you.

Here's some lemonade.

Fresh-squeezed.

Hey, guys.

So, what brings you? Are you all

in the neighborhood?

What is the haps?

I know.

You're pregnant.

That's it, right?

Oh, honey, let her say it.

We've already said it five times.

No. No, I'm not pregnant.

But we have come here to say something.

There's a lie in this room,

And we've come to clear it up.

What are you talking about?

I think you know.

Joe,

I think there's something that...

We need to get out in the open,

Something that Alice told me earlier today...

That-- that, uh,

I think would be better if you knew about.

A while ago,

You-- I'm jealous

of your family.

Jealous?

In the past I've been such

a b*tch to you, and I'm sorry.

It's just that you find happiness so easily.

Life seems so effortless the way you live it.

It's amazing.

Oh! Do you

really mean that?

Yeah.

From the bottom of my heart.

Oh, sister.

Oh, wow.

You're gonna get your chance to have a baby too.

Also, you guys,

We're thinking about going vegan.

Ahh!

That's fantastic.

I'll get the recipe book.

Uh-- what?

I can't believe I couldn't go through with it.

No, that's a good thing.

Human, even.

It set us back, John.

I've been thinking.

One big score,

We make the million...

And say good-bye

to the teapot.

Don't we have enough?

Especially after today.

Okay.

Just say it.

There are pedophiles

and drug dealers on playgrounds.

We can take out just one.

If we knock off

one low-life scumbag,

We do the world a favor.

We knock off two, and we're heroes.

Rich heroes.

Why'd you stop?

I think I'm done.

You got to bury a body at

least six feet underground...

Or somebody will find it.

Alice, can you just stop and listen

to yourself for a second?

You're talking about killing a man.

You're talking about burying him in a grave.

One big score, John.

One big score.

Well, I can't do this.

I can't do this.

I'm not capable of killing

a person in real life.

So I have to do it by myself, as usual.

No, nobody has to do anything by themselves.

You don't have to do anything

by yourself either. Dr. Ling was right.

I didn't wanna listen to him at first,

but I see what he means now.

You're turning evil.

There is nothing evil about wanting more.

There's nothing evil about that teapot.

It's precious.

What if I ask you to choose between

me and this thing right now?

I need your help.

Come in, John.

It's bad. It's--

I should have done something more,

but I don't know--

I don't know what else I could have done.

My father, his father,

His father for two centuries took oath...

To find a teapot and hide away forever.

I have opportunity they wait lifetime for.

I found teapot in hands of

average people, good people.

Where is Alice, John?

She will want more.

Soon not just the bad people, but those weakest.

Why wouldn't you just break into

our house and take the teapot?

It must be given, not taken.

That is the only way to rob it of power.

Only answer is for you both to give it to me.

But...

That will never happen.

Dr. Ling.

Please, just tell me what I can do

to get her to wake up.

There is no more hope.

Most likely is already too late for you.

You're giving up on us?

I will never give up on the teapot.

I will wait and wait...

Until the teapot destroy you,

And then I will follow it to the next owner...

And the next.

I will knock on their door

and tell them what I told you.

Maybe they will listen.

Ugh!

Ugh!

What are you doing?

Just promise me that you'll end it.

Give it to Ling,

And he'll get rid of it.

Okay.

Ju-- please

come back in.

Stay back, Alice.

I didn't kill anyone.

But you will.

We'll get rid of it.

We'll do it right now.

Promise?

I promise.

Yeah.

You say I never go through with anything.

No. No. John!

No! John!

Oh, my god.

John, no, please!

My god! Oh, my--

John! John. John.

Hey. Hey, wake up.

Please.

John. John, please wake up.

Please wake up.

Please.

I can't do this without you.

I love you.

Wake up, please!

You're alive?

Yeah. Wow.

Now you promise we'll get rid of it?

I promise.

I'm so ready.

If you find me here

A wreck upon your shore

Would you hide me in your arms

And quell the ocean's roar?

Hey.

I hear someone downstairs.

I got it.

It's gone.

Yeah?

Arnie took the teapot.

Let's just give it

all away--

The car, the house.

Everything. I don't want it anymore.

I miss our pinto.

Wait.

Did we just give sauron his ring back?

You're such a geek.

No, I'm serious.

We have to deliver it to Ling ourselves.

We have to fix it.

Because we're John and Alice Macy,

The frickin' good guys.

Yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Let's review.

He has at least two guns,

Probably a collection of knives,

including the kind that curves...

Like it was designed specifically

for cutting out the entrails...

Of smaller men with a better

developed sense of humor.

A bowie knife?

Uh-huh.

He's the greediest person we know,

And he has a magic teapot that pays for pain.

And he hates us.

He certainly does.

Arnie!

Let us in!

We know you have the teapot.

Arnie?

Jesus Christ.

We're too late.

- Seriously?

- Oh, my god!

Look at this. Money just comes

walking in my house. I love it.

Arnie. Arnie, Arnie, Arnie.

Just relax.

Put the gun-- Arnie, please put

the gun down.

Oh, come on. No one's gonna miss you two.

Put the gun down.

- Put it down. Listen.

- Stop it. Stop it.

Just hold on a second, Arnie.

This is insane.

Look at yourself.

I almost feel bad for doing this, you know,

with our history and all.

No!

Arnie!

Ow!

God! Ow!

You almost look like a man.

I am a man!

I've done things to myself that

you can never imagine, my friend.

I've burned, I've cut, I've mutilated...

Every inch of my body.

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