The Break-Up Page #7

No. We need the eight|to count towards|a running tally.

You know that. Come on.

Show her whose side|that you're on.|Put your hand in the air.

You know whose side I'm on.|You know we need eight,|though. Come on.

Put your hand down.

Please don't touch|my Ruffles.

GARY:
Put that one back.|Those are my Ruffles.

Don't eat them, please.|Thank you.

Oh, Gary.|They're mine.

Come on.|Here we go. All right.

RIGGLEMAN:
Eyes front. Ready?|Hold on. Get the|timer going, please.

Ready?|GARY:
Now I gotta do it. Go.

ANDREW:
Okay.|It's a brick.

ADDIE:
Square. Square.|Box. Box.

Corner. Corner.|A dot in the corner.

A house.|Home plate!

JEN:
Football! Baseball!|Sports. A house.|ADDIE: A triangle.|It's algebra.

Okay, it's a house.|ADDIE: It's a house.

JEN:
It's a house.|ANDREW: Two words.

JEN:
Banana?|ADDIE: Chimney,|chimney, chimney!

A fruit. House. Fruit.

Oh, restaurant. Or...

ANDREW:
No, chimney, chimney.|ADDIE: Smoke...

JEN:
Oh, a house call.|House call!

(TIMER RINGING)|Oh! House call!

Yeah, well, I thought|it was a house call.

Like a hotel, then it hit me|it was a house.|ADDIE: Yeah!

You're terrific.|Absolutely terrific.

All right, beat that.

Okay, guys, listen.|The next one wins, okay?

So let's stay focused.|Let's stay calm.

We can do this. High fives.|Let's go. Come on. Let's go.

Let's get a mind-meld.|Let's try and get a mind-meld,|okay?

GARY:
Here we go.|Let's go. Mind-meld.|I heard you!

Don't over-think it.|Mind meld.|ANDREW: Ready?

I heard you!|Well, just keep it simple.

Shush.

Ready? Wait. Go!|Here we go!|We're mind-melding.

Draw faster.|It doesn't have|to be beautiful,

just has to be|something we can get.|Shoe, shoe...

Shoe! Shoe, shoe, shoe.

Shoeless Joe Jackson.|Draw something different.|No one's getting it.

Shoe. What, is that|a smaller shoe?|JOHNNY O: Baby shoe.

Smaller shoe. Baby shoes.|JOHNNY O: Shoes.

Baby shoes.|Smaller shoe. Gumshoe.

GARY:
Smaller shoes.|DIANE: Gumshoe? Gumshoe?

Running Olympics.|JOHNNY O: Inside the shoe.

Inside a shoe. A bubble...|JOHNNY O: Lining.

Stop pointing at the shoe.|We're not...|No one's guessing shoe.

Stop pointing at the shoe|and draw something different.

(TIMER RINGING)|Draw something different.|You...

Goddamn it!|No one's guessing shoe!

You drew a big shoe,|then a small shoe,|and no one got it.

You gotta draw something|different. Everyone said|"shoe" seven times.

It's a sock, a**hole.

You call yourself an artist?|Yes!

A three-year-old with|a box of crayons could|do a better job than this.

I'm sorry, I don't have|the great talent of standing|on top of a big red bus

and pointing out architecture|that other great men|have built!

I'm the one who should|be sorry, Brooke.

I shouldn't sit here|and pick on your art.|No.

Because you got|the nuts part down,|Picasso.

GARY:
All you have|to do is|cut off your frigging ear.

BROOKE:
That's Van Gogh,|you idiot!

And your insults|are much more effective|when they're accurate.

Don't talk to me about|being goddamn accurate!

I can talk to you|about anything that I want.

'Cause you couldn't even|draw a sock.

You don't do anything right!|You're a lazy...

Everyone said,|"Shoe, shoe, shoe!"

At first,|I figured that the split|was just something temporary,

something that you two|would work out and get past,

but after tonight|I think it's pretty clear

that you two genuinely|do not want to|get back together.

There's not a shot in hell.|Gary.

I'm just...|I got you.

As your friend|and as your realtor,

I'm not gonna|leave here tonight

until we decide|what to do about this condo,

because this living situation|is obviously not working out.

Gary?

Well, the only logical thing|that I can think of

is for her to move out|of the condo,

and then to pay me some|sort of a penalty|as compensation for

the labor that I did|all around the condo.|What? What?

What? Pay you compensation|for your labor?

We fixed this place up|together.|Are you nuts?

Stop calling me nuts,|I swear to God.|I fixed the...

You went around with a sponge,

and you went in the bathroom|and you dotted foofy sh*t.

That's what you're saying|that I did?|GARY: There's no...

BROOKE:
That was...|That's called aesthetics.

It warmed this place up|so it didn't look like

an army barracks,|which it was about to.

I'll tell you what|it's called in his language,|depreciated.

That's what it's called.|You don't even know|what that means.

Unless the next buyer|happens to have your same|Zulu-voodoo-land taste.

All right.|Let me tell you|something else.

It's gonna cost money|to cover up the holes|in the wall.

The holes that you drilled|in the wall there to hang up|whatever that thing is called.

Oh, please. Gary.

GARY:
You're gonna have|to cost money to fix that.

What I did, Brooke,|has concrete value|to the condo.

I added concrete...|Well, let's just go on record.

We're dealing with facts here.|I did the tiling|in the bathroom.

Have you seen...|I did the new track lighting.

That tile is the|shittiest tile job.|GARY: I did the plumbing!

The plumbing!|That's realty terms.

Okay. Let's talk|about your plumbing.|This is his plumbing.

We have two temperatures|in our bathroom.

We get either scalding hot|or we get frostbite.

That's it. That's all we get.|It's my problem

that she doesn't know how|to pace a shower?

GARY:
Now all of a sudden|that's my fault.

I get a minute|to take a shower.

One minute?|BROOKE: One minute of warmth?

Oh, Jesus. One minute.|That's it. That's correct.

Thank God you're not|in charge of keeping all the|clocks in Chicago on time.

This is basic logic.|You are out of your mind.|You have lost it.

Let me explain this to you|in plain chapter and verse.

Cheese and rice,|you guys are gonna kill|each other. Now, let's just...

Realistically speaking,|neither one of you

can afford this mortgage|on your own, okay?

And that's a shame,|because this building will|continue to increase in value.

I get nothing but|phone calls about it,|all right?

Waiting for a unit to open up.

So, as your realtor,|the last thing I would suggest|is selling.

But as your friend,|I just, I don't see|any other solution.

You take your halves,|you go your separate ways,

and you get on|with your lives.

I know that selling is not|the easiest thing, but|I do think that it's the best.

And to be honest,|this is a situation

where I would just as soon|not take a commission.

That's great. Thank you.|That's great.|Thank you for that.

I wish I didn't have to,|you know,

but company policy says|I cannot waive that.

But I was just...|You know, I'm saying|in theory, you know.

In this situation,|'cause we're friends,|I wish I could waive it.

No can do, though.

As soon as you can,|I would love to get|a set of keys from you guys.

You just drop them off.|Okay. Great. There they are.

I'll be bringing by|people all week.

You won't even know I'm here.|The good news is,|should move quickly.

All right.

Okay to leave you two|alone now?

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