The Break-Up Artist Page #7

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That's a good thing,

right?

Yeah.

Just drop us off.

We can't afford you

for another hour.

# I remember when you told me #

# We'd be together

till the end of time #

# But time passed so quickly #

# I guess

you changed your mind #

# Though my head's a mess #

# I've got nothin' left

without you #

# And I hate how it feels #

# I want to see you again #

# How could this be the end #

# Don't say good-bye #

# Don't say good-bye #

# I know this time

it's for real #

Sorry, guys,

but you know what?

I know we're

better than this.

And that's why

we're gonna start over.

We're gonna put

our hearts into it,

and we're gonna put

our souls into it.

Yeah. Put some

sea-foam green into it.

And remember, guys, we're

telling a story here.

We're telling a story

about good versus evil,

and we're telling a story

about love.

What the hell, Mike?

This is our D-day.

We're on a strict schedule.

Ashley will be at Avalon by 10:15.

- Spider Club, 10:30.

She asked me out.

- Ashley asked you out?

Ashley never asks anyone out.

I mean, that's great.

You got your muse back.

- I turned her down.

What?

I just thought that after the other ni--

- No, Mike, I need this!

Okay? Or else

I lose everything.

- Got your text.

- Yeah.

You need something?

I need my girls back.

Bouquet, bouquet!

Yea!

I'm so sorry that I

downsized you girls.

Mmm.

- But I have a secret mission tonight.

- Ooh.

You wanna get upsized?

- Let's do it!

- Yes!

Yes! Yes!

Oh, I totally wanna

see you too, Rick.

But, yeah, no, we're gonna

have to wait until tomorrow.

I totally have plans with

someone else tonight. Laters.

How did you know

I liked pink roses?

Red ones got ruined.

Keep feeding her wine, Mike.

The higher her blood-alcohol level,

the better our chances.

Okay.

You're right, sir.

They're on the move.

Oh. I've gotta go

powder my nosie.

If the waitress comes,

I want--

Merlot-- 73.5 degrees.

Okay. Very nicely done.

We almost have balance.

Go to the appetizer page.

Follow the script,

and we will be fine.

Okay. What if she does

something unexpected?

Desserts. Here.

Okay.

Uh-- Okay, static.

What's going on with the sound?

- Um, mike check, check. Can you hear me?

You know what?

Forget about it. Don't even worry.

You have taught me well.

I can do this on my own.

No. We're screwed I

think it's the batteries.

Here you go.

Hi.

- Hi.

Oh. Mm-mmm.

Okay.

Match the diode up with its ionic

charge, or it won't circulate its power.

Tiff?

And he's wearing pink.

- Shoot. She's coming! Battle stations.

- Go. Go.

After dinner, you should

try the crme brle.

It's Atkins-friendly here.

The last time

we were together,

you so gave off this

granola-loving, tree-hugging,

"I give my salary

to the poor" vibe.

I am so glad

I was wrong about you.

Yeah, well, uh, you know,

I like to take things slow.

When I meet someone, I prefer to

gradually reveal my personality as things--

Ashley!

You're being set up.

This, uh, guy paid your sister

to help him get you back.

What?

Ashley, I understand your concern.

- Aw!

Look!

- Oh, crap.

- Pathetic.

- What the hell's going on, Mike?

- Yeah, Mike.

Brit-Brit?

Ladies?

How could you?

After everything I've done for you.

She's just jealous, all right?

She's trying to break us apart.

But I love you, Ashley.

Ashes, no!

Remember Mike?

He-He has fashion sense,

a limo and-- and those abs.

Honey. It's really expensive.

Hey! Back!

Give it to me! It's mine!

So the ring is huge.

Come on, Mike. This is it.

Don't quit on me.

Mike.

I can't--

I can't do this anymore.

Britney, all the games,

all the lies.

I don't-- I don't even

think she's my muse anymore.

What?

Last night

when I kissed her,

I-I didn't feel that spark

like before.

It didn't feel as good

as when I kissed you.

That wasn't a real kiss. It--

It was diversion. Doesn't count.

Britney, the second

that we kissed,

my mind exploded with thoughts and

feelings I didn't even know existed.

My body tingled.

My lips were on fire.

They were probably chapped.

I-- Here.

Britney, you took charge of my life.

Okay?

You... knew me.

You read me.

No! No, I'm illiterate.

- You're incredible.

You're incredible.

I'm in love with you.

No.

No.

Don't. Don't.

Don't do this.

Just give it a chance.

I can't date clients.

You know what, Britney? If you want

to treat me like a client, fine.

It's the logical choice, but I

know you felt something last night.

You had to. Okay, listen.

- No. No.

So for just once in your life,

think with your heart.

Okay?

I-- It's--

It's not you.

It's me.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Cary Grant, Gregory Peck--

those were real men,

men who don't exist today.

- Rule number one: Do not hug me.

- Get out!

- Is that all you got?

- What the hell, Mike?

Considering your level of whippedness,

it's gonna take a lot more practice.

And that's for ditching me

last night.

Ow!

# To guide you and lead you

through dark #

# Into light #

# Gotta know

what you're feelin' #

# Wanna know

how you're dealin' #

# With pain inside #

# It's okay not to show it #

# Takes some time

letting go #

# All the hurt

you'll find #

Robs?

Perfect. That would be perfect, girl.

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking,

"What was she thinking?

"How could she pass up

the love of a great guy?

A great guy with

a $10,000 check?"

But I didn't earn

Mike's money.

And I didn't

earn Mike either.

He needs to be

with someone like him,

someone--

someone who still

believes in love.

I just asked

if you had more boxes.

Oh. Um--

Nope. That's--

That's it.

And you should've

kissed Mike.

Shut up.

Why do girls keep dumping

that cutie?

Look at

the bright side, Brit.

At least you kept him

away from Ashley.

He would've never

been happy with her.

Yeah. I mean, Mike's money might

help me keep all this stuff, but--

At least I can still look

myself proudly in the mirror--

if I had a mirror.

Mmm. We'll do one

last check.

Okay.

- Okay?

It's gonna be okay.

- Okay.

Come on.

All right, come on in.

Let's get this over with.

You know, people tell me

I had a mean job.

You foreclose and rip people

out of their homes.

Does that make you happy?

No.

Hi.

I paid off the bank.

What? Why?

You paid me to help you get

back with Ashley, and I failed.

I-- I didn't earn

your money.

Oh, Britney. I hired you

to help me find my muse.

I'm very happy

with your services.

It's incredible.

The kids and I worked on

it for three days straight.

Just came together like all great

art does when you're inspired.

He liked you.

He really did.

You were great around the house,

amazing in the kitchen...

and a generous,

yet gentle lover.

But he just needs

to be with someone...

a little less evil.

Plus 1997 called and it wants its

unbuttoned Backstreet Boys shirt back.

Unlike E-Dump, we offer a special

players' club card for macks like you...

that offers discounts on all

"one-night stand" removals.

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