The Brothers Grimsby Page #4

to your lens.

Oh, no. Open the door!

Open the door!

Okay, you need to head inside,

find Lina smit and seduce her.

What, and cheat on dawny?

Never.

You need to seduce her

in order to find out

what lukashenko

bought from her husband.

Okay.

Can you see Lina smit?

She's easy to spot.

She's wearing a green dress,

and she's absolutely gorgeous.

Oh, no.

She is gorgeous.

Got her?

Bingo.

I've got to go.

Remember, act sophisticated.

Hello, pussycat.

The name is...

Shelton.

M.R. Shelton.

I've been looking for you.

You want room clean?

Room clean?

Yeah. Yes. "Room clean."

From top to bottom.

I'm in 23.

But together,

we could make it 69.

Okay. I come soon.

Come on.

Ugh!

Good afternoon.

Hello. There's an emergency.

It's a code brown.

A code brown, sir?

I've blocked the toiletry.

Could you send somebody up

as soon as you can, please?

Okay, Mr. Shelton.

I will send you

assistance.

Sebastian graves is here.

Go to his room and seduce him.

I'll be there soon.

Oh, good. Maintenance is here.

Mr. Shelton.

That is really

fast service.

I only just called down.

Thank you for coming

so quickly.

I hope I can reciprocate.

Yeah.

Anyway, uh, follow me.

Uh, ahem, come on.

In here. Let's do this.

Not your usual place to do it.

What? Why?

Where did you expect me

to do it?

In the bed.

In the-- in the bed?

I'm not an animal.

I haven't done one in a bed

for over five weeks.

Let's be quick with this.

Shall I show it to you?

How do I know

that when I see it,

I won't fall

madly in love with you?

There's really

not much danger of that.

It's enormous.

All the better.

How hard is it?

Well, okay.

Let me try and remember.

Um...

I mean, the top of it is,

you know, very hard.

Actually,

painfully so.

Mmm.

Then kind of medium soft.

And at the base of it,

really hard again.

Now, should I tell you

what I'm gonna do with it?

No.

I'm gonna take it

in my hand.

All of it.

Right.

That's very unusual.

Yeah.

Right?

And then I'm gonna kiss it.

Gonna kiss it?

And I'm gonna put

all of it in my mouth.

This is worse

than 2 girls and 1 cup.

I bet it tastes like

strawberries.

And I bet you that it tastes

of kebab with extra curry sauce.

Listen. You're a total

f***ing weirdo, right?

Just stay in here

and do not come out.

Okay.

So we meet again.

Please, come in.

Okay.

What are you doing?

Let someone else do that.

Please excuse me

for one moment.

What the hell are you doing?

I'm getting myself ready.

Shh! Listen, I get it.

You don't wanna get any

brown shrapnel on your clothes.

Brown-- brown shrapnel?

This.

You see? Hard, soft, hard.

May the best man win.

- I go in there now.

- No, no, no.

Let's get acquainted.

Has anyone ever told you

that you're a very

beautiful woman?

You are the most

beautiful thing

to ever walk the lord's

green earth.

We're getting signal

from graves' lens, sir.

Put it up.

So, what are we looking at?

Good god, graves.

Whoo!

Why did lukashenko

meet your husband?

Can you zoom in

on that stationery?

Send the coordinates

to chilcott.

You'd rather make love

to a maid than me?

Maid?

Banu, out!

Sorry, Mrs. smit.

Mrs. smit?

Get out, banu!

I'm so sorry. Sorry.

Now, let me show you

how wild this animal can be.

Did you really think I'd let you

sleep with my wife, Mr. graves?

No. But then again,

i never thought

that she'd chop up me poo

with a coat hanger.

Goodbye, Sebastian graves.

That's not Sebastian graves.

You okay?

Yeah.

How was the heroin?

Better than expected.

Why did lukashenko

meet your husband?

What are maelstrom planning?

I don't know.

Seb, don't.

Don't take it personal, love.

He kills everyone.

It's because he used

to wet the bed.

It's important she knows.

It's not important.

Well, it was important

to the boy on the bunk under you

who used to get

dripped on at night.

Get on with it.

Just tell us what you know,

and he'll let you live.

Come on.

Lukashenko bought

some kind of virus.

When is he gonna use it?

Tomorrow.

Where are they gonna

release the virus?

They'll--

get down!

Stay down!

It's chilcott. Move!

Come on!

Come on. Run.

There's nowhere to hide.

I got an idea.

Oh, great.

Because your ideas

have netted nothing

but gold up to this point.

You're gonna follow me

and do exactly

what your big brother says.

Hurry!

Come on.

Where'd they go?

They were just here.

Spread out.

Find them.

Oh, god, this is disgusting.

Sir, take a look at this!

- Check if they've gone.

- I'm trying to.

What can you see?

They've gone?

The coast is clear.

Good. Let's get out of here.

Oh, no.

Oh, f*** me!

Brace yourself, seb!

Get off him!

Get it off me. Aah!

The male can f***

for up to three hours.

We have to make it come.

I saw it on the BBC.

You work the shaft,

and I'll cradle the balls.

It's gonna

break my neck.

I got them.

Come on, sebbo.

You can do it.

I'm doing it!

I'm doing it!

Put your tongue in the peehole.

Don't be stupid.

I think we're in business.

I think we're in business.

Come on. Come on.

Oh, god.

That is revolting!

Hakuna matata.

Well done.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

It's a trickle

of pre-ejaculate at most.

Grow up.

See if the coast is clear.

Oh, no.

What? What is it?

It's an elephant

bukkake party.

Get it out.

It's breaking me a**hole.

Not much longer now.

Brace yourself! Aah!

No!

All right.

Are you okay?

No, I'm not okay.

I just did

an entirely white poo.

You need to get cleaned up.

Get in.

Is me ass okay?

Huh?

Yeah, it's good.

It's really good.

Are those your bollocks?

Someone's given you a hickey

on your right nut.

That was you.

Oh.

It's Jodie.

She could be your missus.

No, I could never be

with one woman.

Well, you're missing out

on the greatest gift in life:

Family.

The only gift I ever got

from my family was betrayal.

Why did you do it?

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter?

You abandoned me

when I was 6.

Now, why?

We have made our decision.

We've decided we can take one

of the brothers, Mr. lowsley.

But Mr. and Mrs. graves,

these boys are inseparable.

It would break their hearts,

and affect them both very badly.

This is the decision

we have come to.

But that would leave one

of the brothers

in the foster system

in grimsby.

It's no place for a boy.

He'll have no future here.

All aboard!

Sebastian

nobby!

Have you seen

me brother nobby?

Nobby!

No! Nobby!

Come back, nobby!

Oh, my god.

So I could have had

your life?

That's right.

And you could have had mine.

Nobby...

I...

I am so sorry.

Wait.

I think our penises

just fist-bumped.

Disengage.

You need to focus, right?

Yeah.

You need to find out

where maelstrom

are planning to blow up

tomorrow.

And I need to find a pub

to watch the final in.

Hold on. That's it.

They're gonna blow up the sun.

No, they're planning to bomb

the final in Chile.

What?

How are we supposed to get

halfway around the world

in 12 hours

with the entire global

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes