The Browning Version Page #6

---

- He's not allowed them.

Poor Andrew, we have to be

very careful of his diet. Don't we, dear?

- Yes.

- You did remember to take

your medicine before we came out?

- Yes, I did.

- Lucky invalid to have such an attractive nurse.

[ Chuckles ]

I don't know about all these compliments.

- I don't believe you mean a word of them.

- [ Boy ] Headmaster.

Indeed I do.

Certainly. Would you excuse me a minute?

- You're coming to dinner tonight?

- Yes. Looking forward to it.

See you tonight, then,

and you, Crocker-Harris.

And thank you very much indeed.

Till tonight.

Well, do we get it?

Do we get what?

- The pension, of course. Do we get it?

- No.

- Why not?

- It's against the rules.

Buller got it, didn't he?

Buller got it.

What's the idea of giving it

to other people and not to us?

The circumstances in the case

of Buller were exceptional.

It was while playing football

against the school that he received that injury.

What did you say?

Just stood there

and made some joke in Latin, I suppose.

There was very little I could say--

in Latin or any other language.

Oh, wasn't there?

I'd have said it.

I wouldn't have just stood there,

twiddling my thumbs...

and taking it from

that old phony of a headmaster.

But then, of course,

I'm not a man.

That's the Crock over there,

with his wife.

Oh, yes. I can't say

I altogether like the look of him.

Perhaps for once

you're not exaggerating, Michael.

Oh, I'm not.

He's an absolute swine.

- Shh. Darling.

- Sorry.

She looks quite different, though.

Poor dear.

What do they expect you to do?

Live on my money, I suppose.

- We are causing attention.

- I don't care. Let everyone know.

Live on my money.

Is that what they expect?

There has never been

any question of that.

- I shall be perfectly able to support myself.

- Yourself?

Doesn't the marriage service say something

about a husband supporting a wife?

- Well, doesn't it? You ought to know.

- Yes, it does.

How do you expect to do

that on 200 a year?

I shall do my utmost to save some of it.

You are welcome to it if I can.

Thank you for precisely nothing.

- What else did the old fool have to say?

- [ Applause ]

- Ah, they're coming out.

- What else did the old fool have to say?

The headmaster?

He asked me to make my speech tomorrow

before instead of after Fletcher.

Oh, yes. Yes, I knew

he was going to ask you that.

- You knew?

- Yes. He asked my advice about it last week.

I told him to go ahead.

I knew you wouldn't care...

and as there isn't a Mrs. Fletcher

to make me look a fool, I didn't give two hoots.

Where are you off to?

I am going to my classroom

to collect some papers.

[ Door Opens ]

Oh, I'm so sorry, sir.

I didn't expect --

Come in, come in.

This is, after all,

your classroom now, not mine.

Perhaps you will forgive me

if I clear out some old papers from your desk.

Yes, of course. Please do.

I just came to have another look round.

- Didn't think anyone would be here.

- I shan't be long. I promise you.

Oh, please don't hurry, sir.

The truth is I suddenly got

the most awful attack of jitters.

''Jitters''?

- Uh, nerves, sir.

- Oh.

I thought the best way of getting rid of them

would be to come here and rehearse taking a class.

- I expect you'll laugh at me for that.

- Why should you expect it?

Well, you're so awfully good

at keeping order, aren't you?

- Hmm.

- I saw that this morning.

I'm even told that you're known

as the Himmler of the lower fifth.

Himmler?

Oh, yes, the Gestapo chief.

The Himmler of the lower fifth?

Who told you that?

Well, the headmaster,

amongst others.

I think he exaggerated.

I hope he exaggerated.

No, sir. H-He only meant you --

you kept the most wonderful discipline.

Now, I couldn't even manage

1 1 -year-olds...

so what I shall be like with 1 5's and 1 6's,

I shudder to think.

It is not so difficult,

and, well, they're not bad boys.

A little wild and unfeeling,

perhaps, but not bad.

The Himmler of the lower fifth.

Dear me.

I'm afraid I shouldn't have said that.

I've been tactless, I'm afraid.

No, no.

Of course, from the very beginning...

I realized I did not possess the knack

of making myself liked, but...

at the beginning, at least, I --

I did try very hard

to communicate to the boys --

those boys sitting down there --

some of my own joy

in the great literature of the past.

Of course, I -- I failed...

as you will fail...

999 times out of a thousand.

But a single success can atone

and more than atone...

for all the failures in the world...

and sometimes --

very rarely, it is true --

but sometimes I had that success.

That, of course,

was in the early years.

And then, too,

in those early years...

the boys used sometimes

even to laugh at me.

Not with me, of course.

Never with me, for I have

so little sense of humor.

But at me. At my little

mannerisms and tricks of speech.

And that made me very happy.

And I remember I used to

encourage the boys' laughter...

by rather overdoing those little mannerisms

and tricks of speech for their benefit.

Perhaps they didn't like me as a man...

but at least they found me

funny as a character.

And you can teach far more things

by laughter than by earnestness.

So you see, for a time at least...

I had quite a success

as a schoolmaster.

I fear this is all very personal

and embarrassing for you.

You need have no fears

about the lower fifth.

I'm -- I'm afraid I said something just now

that hurt you very much.

It's myself you must forgive, sir.

Believe me, I'm most desperately sorry.

There's no need.

I should have known for myself.

I knew, of course,

that I was not only not liked...

but now positively disliked.

I'd realized, too, that the boys,

for many long years now...

had ceased to laugh at me.

I don't know why

they no longer found me a joke.

Perhaps it was my illness.

No.

I don't think it was that.

Something deeper than that.

Not a sickness of the body,

but a sickness of the soul.

At all events, it didn't take

much discernment on my part to realize...

that I had become

an utter failure as a schoolmaster.

Still, stupidly enough, I had not realized

that I was also... feared.

The Himmler of the lower fifth.

I suppose that will become my epitaph.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Sighs ]

Well, I bequeath you this room.

I predict that you will have

great success in it.

Thank you, sir.

I shall do my best.

You will, I know, respect

the confidence I have just made you.

I should hate you to think I wouldn't.

I'm sorry to have embarrassed you.

I really don't know what came over me.

I -- I have not been

very well, you know.

Well, good-bye, my dear fellow...

and my best wishes.

Good-bye, sir, and the very best of good luck

to you, too, sir, in your future career.

Oh, yes.

Thank you.

[ Clock Chiming ]

[ Millie ]

There won't be room for all that.

I'm aware of that.

Most of it can be burnt.

I'm only keeping those papers

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes