The Caddy Page #6

It's the fact that now you're on your way.

I sure am.

And now we're invited to play

in the tournament,

and that's $10,000 we can keep.

- Joe Anthony?

- Yeah.

Sign this, please.

See, already, autograph hunters.

What is this?

Compliments of the Santa Barbara

Businessmen's Association.

Look.

- Hey, Joe, look at these golf balls.

- You look at them.

Look at this complete outfit.

- Give those boys a handsome tip.

- Here you are. No, keep it.

- And thanks very much for your trouble.

- Thanks for the gift.

Wise guy.

Anthony, you old hound dog, you.

See, Joe, what golf can do for you?

And back in San Francisco

we can live at home,

and practice with all these golf balls.

We're gonna have to catch up

on our short game.

Remember, you can't count on luck

all the time.

- What do you mean "luck?"

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Luck?

"Travelwell Deluxe."

I certainly intend to.

- Harv.

- Oh, yeah.

And by the way,

I'm not going to San Francisco.

You're not going home?

I'll practice every day.

The country club is right nearby.

- Nearby what?

- Kathy Taylor's home in Carmel.

Joe, we can't take a vacation now.

Our whole future's at stake.

- I just won a tournament, didn't I?

- Yeah, but not against Hogan or Snead,

and that's who you're gonna have

to play at Monterey.

Look, Harvey, I've never met

a Kathy Taylor before, and I like her.

I'm human.

Okay. We'll go to her place.

But remember, Joe,

you have to practice every day.

Harvey, one of us has to go home

and tell the folks how we're doing.

Well, gee, Joe, San Francisco's out of

the way if we are going to Carmel.

We ought to...

I guess you're right.

One of us will have to go home

and let the folks know how we're doing.

I'll meet you in Monterey

the morning of the qualifying round.

Okay, you take the clubs

and I'll give the folks your love.

You take the rest.

- Oh, that's Kathy.

- Sounds like she has a cold.

- Well, I'll see you in a week.

- Okay.

That's yours.

Thanks.

Okay, now you send the rest

of my things home, huh?

- Okay.

- Bye.

- Goodbye.

- Hi, Kathy.

- Let's go, champ.

- Be right with you.

Well, let's go.

How do you like that? I almost ran off

without giving any money to my caddy.

I knew you'd change your mind.

We're still buddies.

Sure, we're buddies.

How much money we got?

Oh.

We have $10, $20, $30, $35,

- $36.50.

- We're rolling in dough.

- Where'd you get all this?

- Oh, I had you in the caddies' pool.

But I spent $3.69 on the party for you.

Look, Harvey. I can't go up there broke.

I'll hang onto the $30,

and you keep the rest for food

and bus fare.

Don't mention it. You're entitled to it.

Enjoy yourself.

- Joe...

- Don't thank me. Have a good time.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Kathy, is this Carmel or Indianapolis?

What would your mother say

if she saw you driving like that?

- I don't know. Why don't you ask her?

- Hello, dear.

Hello, Mother. Say hello to Joe Anthony.

- Hello, Joe Anthony.

- Hello, Mother.

Oh, don't you dare.

My name is Grace,

and I lie about my age.

- Hello, Grace.

- Hello.

Joe just won the tournament.

Well, good for Joe. Wonderful.

Come along.

Can't you piggies be quiet?

This is the Taylor estate.

Oh, just a second. I'll get my things.

Thank you, Mr. Farmer.

Joey!

Joey?

Joey?

Joey! Joey!

I'm not a robber, I'm looking for Joey!

Hello. Hello, doggies.

I'm poor and skinny.

Leave me alone.

I wouldn't taste good anyhow.

What are you complaining about?

You belong here. You're an animal.

I'm a human.

And I'm hungry.

Well, don't be selfish.

I don't want any of your hay.

You can have that.

Can't I just please have a carrot?

Thank you. You're very kind.

Won't you have a little scrambled egg?

You have absolutely nothing

on your plate.

Well, I could hardly...

Yes, Lisa?

8:
30! Oh, thanks, Rodney,

for waking me up.

I gotta get these clubs to Joe

right away.

Good morning.

Thanks again, Rodney.

I'll see you soon.

Watch my things, huh? Thanks.

Oh, how am I going to get out of here?

Hello, how do you do?

I'm looking for Mr. Anthony.

He forgot his clubs, so I brought them

to him so he could practice.

Mr. Anthony is out cycling

with Miss Taylor.

I'll take them.

No, I wanted to see... l...

Nice doggies.

Hello, doggies. I'm not the same fella.

If you don't believe me, take a...

Take a sniff.

See, the guy you want is still inside.

Hey! What are you doing out here?

You're not supposed

to be with a guest.

Come on with me.

I can hardly lift it now.

Well, forget all about

your diets, everybody.

Food.

Food.

- Good morning, Mr...

- Good morning, sir. Splendid morning.

Splendid. Wonderful morning,

and it's the best time to get up,

- is in the morning, isn't it?

- Breakfast, sir?

Sure! I mean, yes,

I suppose I might have a bite.

- Yes. What might I serve you, sir?

- Oh, the sausages are fine.

Wonderful.

And ham.

Ham in the morning is just wonderful.

Eggs with it.

Nothing like eggs with it in the morning.

And a muffin. That is very nourishing.

Bacon. Bacon's wonderful.

Oh, wonderful. Fine.

How about just one more for the road?

One more.

Oh, lamb chops

are very nourishing in the morning.

I'll take that, and thank you.

Oh, buns.

Buns.

Little buns. Little ones. Yes, I love them.

Baby buns.

And we missed something. You're cold.

You're getting warmer.

No, you're cold. You were warm.

Hot! Kippers! I just adore kippers.

- Potatoes, sir?

- Potatoes?

- Want me to ruin my waistline?

- Oh, sorry, sir.

- It's all right.

- Thank you.

- Shall we start over?

- Oh, no.

No. No, I'll have to get

some warm plates.

Warm plates? I'll be here.

I'll be here, waiting.

Hearty appetite.

- How do you do?

- Hello.

In all the excitement

of arriving yesterday,

- I don't believe we've met.

- Thank you.

Although you do look familiar.

My name is Benthall, Sidney Benthall.

The name is Miller. Harvey Miller, Jr.

May I present Miss Carlton,

Miss Kennedy.

- Miss Carlton, Miss Kennedy.

- Mr. Miller.

- How do you do...

- Oh, no, that's Mr. Leron.

- Awfully pleased to know you. Awfully.

- But I have seen you somewhere before.

- I have never been there before.

- At the golf tournament dance.

- At Santa Barbara.

- Santa Barbara?

You are right, it was Santa Barbara.

- It could not have been Santa Barbara.

- Well, who are you?

- Who am I?

- Where are you from?

Where am I from?

Gentlemen, from Miami to London,

from London to Boston

I'm known as the gay continental.

Continent, continent, continental

And I got this way quite accidental

All my people have riches

And velveteen britches

And white tie and tails and top hats on

And top hats and top hats

and top hats on

And they breakfast in bed

with their spats on

Life's a bore

Having cocktails and tea around four

Whee, fiddle-dee-dee

I keep drinking as long as they're free

Now my old family tree

Is so precious to me

It is the sturdy old tree

I was sprung from

It is the sturdy old tree

I was sprung from

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