The Caddy Page #7

I was sprung, I was sprung

I was sprung from

'Tis the tree that my grandpa

was hung from

Though I can't pay my rental

A gay continental am I

Hi, ho, hum

I'm a high-class society crumb

C'est la vie

Now in French

that means nothing to me

My old family estate

Is so big and sedate

If you happen my way, give a look in

Give a look, give a look, give a look in

On the Rue de la Flatbush in Brooklyn

I'm a wee temperamental

At times, detrimental

My money's parental

My attitude's mental

My upper plate's dental

A gay continental am I

- Harvey, what are you doing here?

- The breaststroke.

- I never learned to crawl.

- Come out of there.

Now I know who you are.

- Why, you're...

- I'm his caddy.

Caddy? Sorry.

You're supposed to be

in San Francisco.

Don't you know these people

are all invited guests?

Consider yourself invited, Harvey.

I'm glad you're here.

- Oh, thank you.

- We can use you.

- Can't we, Mother?

- Why, of course.

Until the tournament starts

you can earn some money.

Charles, with so many extra guests,

we'll need another man.

Charles will take care of you.

Oh, you don't understand. Joe and I...

Well, I think that's very sweet

of Mrs. Taylor.

- But, Joe, we gotta practice.

- You're very conscientious, Harvey,

- but, don't overdo it.

- Come along, boy.

Now, go along, boy.

- He's really a very nice guy.

- Of course, he is.

- He's really a very nice guy.

- Of course, he is.

Listen to this part of the letter

from Harvey.

He say, "Joe won at Santa Barbara

"and we play again soon

at the $10,000 Monterey tournament."

- So who say he's gonna win?

- I say so.

I don't believe you. I attach!

Wait, Mr. Spezzato.

- I'll get Harvey on the phone.

- That's a good idea, Lisa.

Would you like

something to eat, ma'am?

Why not try one of these?

They're very good. I just had one.

You might as well take a handful, lady.

Supper ain't gonna be ready

for at least a half-hour.

I don't know how you can fill up

on these tiny sandwiches.

- Would you like to have one?

- No, thank you.

No, thank you.

Phone call for Mr. Harvey Miller, Jr.

Oh, that's me.

Would you please pass these around?

Thank you.

And watch the man with the beard.

He's already had seconds.

Push the celery. We can't get rid of it.

- You can't use that phone.

- Hello? It works.

Hello, Lisa! How are you?

You'll have to talk a little louder,

sweetheart, we're having a party here.

Mr. Spezzato's here

and he's worrying about his money.

He wants either his $500

or the restaurant.

Hello, Mr. Spezzato?

Oh, Joe's a cinch. It's in the bag.

- Oh, yes, sir, he's in great shape.

- Would you give me that phone?

Lisa,

this phone call is SWAK.

SWAK?

S-W-A-K.

Sealed with a kiss.

Here, give me that.

Take this and get in there with it.

You're nasty.

Cheers.

Just 68-and-a-half more hours

before a certain tournament.

- I'll take this glass for you, sir.

- What's that look like, a finger bowl?

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

I thought it was empty.

I'll get you a fresh finger bowl.

- The heat's on.

- Shut it off.

How about a sandwich, sir?

Lt'll be much better for you than a drink.

- Vitamins, you know.

- I'd much rather have a drink.

- We're all out of gin, sir.

- That's impossible. There's plenty.

Oh, what do you... Yes, we're...

- Is that boy one of our regular servants?

- He's my caddy, Mr. Taylor.

- Kathy gave him a temporary job.

- Caddy?

Oh, you're the lad who won

the tournament at Santa Barbara.

Grace told me all about you.

Here's luck.

Thank you.

Oh, I'm sorry. Your glass is empty.

I'll send Charles.

You better leave

the whole tray here, Charles.

Been off my game for quite a while now.

Shooting in the 90's.

- Oh, will you have a cigarette?

- Thank you.

Here's a light.

- I filled this glass, didn't I, Kathy?

- Yes, you did.

- I put the tray down there, didn't I?

- Yes, you did.

- Oh, I'll take that, Jane.

- Very well.

- Seafood, madam?

- Hey, Charlie.

- You idiot!

- I'm freezing.

Keep cool!

Oh, you clumsy, clumsy boy.

Oh, you kill me.

I love that... With the tray...

- Oh, not that face.

- Harvey.

- Harvey, get out of here. You're drunk.

- That's funny, Joe.

Every time you start to drink,

you think everybody else is drunk.

If you'd have gone to San Francisco

like I told you to,

- this wouldn't have happened to me.

- I'll apologize to everybody.

- I know I embarrassed you.

- You certainly did.

Well, tell them all I'm not a servant.

I'm your friend, Joe. I'm your pal.

I'm gonna be your brother-in-law.

I'm your friend, Joe. I'm your pal.

I'm gonna be your brother-in-law.

- Brother-in-law?

- Naturally.

That's why I wanna protect him.

That's why I want him

to win the tournament, naturally.

- For Lisa's sake.

- Lisa?

Naturally.

Oh, boy, Joe.

Lisa called on the telephone,

and she sent you her love.

- I spoke out of turn?

- Just in time.

Charles... Charles, announce dinner

at once, please.

Dinner is served.

I hope they have frankfurters.

I'm gonna take care of...

- Dinner is served. Hurry up, everybody!

- Oh, no. Oh, no.

Come on, it's gonna get cold. Hurry up.

Last one in's a rotten egg.

- I can't have this.

- Come on. Everything's gonna get cold

- and you won't have nothing to eat.

- What am I going to do?

- Everybody hurry!

- There goes my job.

- Hello, Charlie.

- Will you get out of here?

Now, come on, get out of here.

Really.

Look, honey.

I told him not to come up here.

Harvey's got things all mixed up.

He's going to be

your brother-in-law, isn't he?

Well, sure.

And Lisa is going to be

the blushing bride?

Yes, but you don't...

He doesn't have things mixed up

as far as I'm concerned.

Your faith in me

is very touching. Thanks.

Come in, Joe.

Harvey?

Oh, Miss Taylor, hello.

- Oh, you shouldn't have done it.

- Take this.

Thank you.

And then this.

- Thank you.

- What's all this?

Oh, I've caused you enough trouble,

Miss Taylor.

Well, it's not your fault, Harvey.

I hope that Joe and Lisa

will be very happy together.

Oh, they will be. She likes him.

It's always, "My big brother this,"

and "My big brother that."

Well, I've never thought of him

as the big brother type.

Well, you would if you were his sister,

like Lisa.

- Her sister? Joe's her sister?

- No, Joe's her brother.

- You're all confused, Miss Taylor.

- My dear brother-in-law.

Charles? Where's Mr. Anthony?

Oh, are you sure?

Thank you.

- Joe's gone.

- Joe's gone?

- Yes.

- He can't be.

What about the tournament?

What are we gonna do?

I'll help you find him, Harvey.

But then it's every man for himself.

Thanks. You heading

for San Francisco?

- Your name Joe Anthony?

- Yeah, what's wrong?

Let's take a look at that bag.

Hey, what are you doing? That's mine.

"Inverness Open Tournaments.

Winner:
Harvey Miller, Sr."

- I thought your name was Anthony.

- It is. That cup was given to me.

This is my bag

and these are my clothes.

- This isn't my cap.

- We can see that. Come on, get in.

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