The Caddy Page #8

Oh, do come in, please.

Well, here he is, miss. We found him.

He had Mr. Miller's suitcase, all right.

Yes.

Kathy, will you tell them the truth?

I think you gentlemen had better speak

to Cousin Harvey.

Cousin Harvey?

Yes, Kathy, darling. Coming, my dear.

Oh, visitors. Very nice.

Scotland Yard.

I see you've collared the crazy kid.

Splendid. Splendid.

Good heavens. It's Joe, the gardener.

Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Miller,

but he tried to tell us it was his bag.

Ridiculous, ridiculous.

Watch him. Watch him.

He's not a bad boy, Officer.

He's just mischievous.

I don't think Cousin Harvey

wants to prosecute,

do you, Cousin Harvey?

As long as he doesn't give me

any trouble.

- I'll give you plenty.

- You got your gun?

Keep your eye on him.

You'd better behave yourself,

young man,

or these nice police officers

will throw you in the pokey.

You can run along, gentlemen.

Leave him here

and I'll give him a stern talking to.

- Well, I don't know...

- It's all right,

and send me a dozen tickets

to the Policemen's Ball.

- Thank you, Mr. Miller.

- That's all right. Bully, bully.

Splendid.

Help!

- What is it?

- What's wrong?

Good evening.

- Make that two dozen tickets.

- Thank you, sir.

- That's all right. Goodnight.

- Goodnight.

- Joe, if you could only see your face.

- Very funny.

- Now that you've had your fun, can I go?

- Wait, Joe. Everything's straight.

Kathy knows it's me

Lisa was gonna marry and not you.

- Everybody's happy. I'll get your clubs.

- I'm very sorry.

- It was just a misunderstanding.

- Oh, sure.

You'll need these.

What good are they gonna do me

on a fishing boat?

- Oh, but I didn't tell you the bad news.

- No, you didn't.

About Mr. Spezzato.

He's gonna take Mama's restaurant

and Papa's boat away,

if they don't pay him the $500.

We gotta win the $10,000.

I'll get it.

Wait, Joe. We're a team.

We were a team.

And you stay away from me.

Joe.

I thought it took at least two

to make a team.

That's what I thought.

Do you break up a team

by just walking out?

I'm very sorry, Harvey.

Well, if it isn't the little hitchhiker.

So you're stealing golf bags now.

- Oh, no, not again.

- All right, Sticky Fingers.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I welcome you

to the Monterey Invitational Tournament.

I don't see him anywhere, Harvey.

Leading off from the first foursome,

the winner of the first

Los Angeles Open Tournament,

"Light Horse" Harry Cooper.

Urgent message for Miss Kathy Taylor.

Miss Kathy Taylor,

report to the clubhouse telephone.

- Miss Taylor?

- Yes, I am.

- Telephone.

- Hello. Yes, I'm Kathy Taylor.

You're Kathy Taylor,

I'm Joe Anthony and I'm in jail.

- Joe!

- Joe?

- He's in jail.

- Jail!

Joe, Joe! Oh!

Quiet, please!

Now, listen, if this is another one

of your gags, it isn't funny.

Tell it to them.

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am.

- Oh, I see. Well, I'm sorry.

- He's sorry.

Well, hurry.

- They can get him here in 15 minutes.

- He tees off in the next foursome.

He can't possibly make it.

He'll be disqualified.

- Disqualified?

- On the tee,

- Disqualified?

- On the tee,

Slammin' Sammy Snead!

On the tee...

If we could only do something

to delay them.

Jimmy Thomson.

What if I fainted or had a spell

right on the tee?

Oh, no, that's no good.

You don't know professional golfers.

They're like killers.

They'd play right over your body.

That gives me an idea.

Hey, mister. Excuse me, sir.

- Mr. Thomson, is this your ball?

- Yeah.

- It's undersized. Against regulations.

- It couldn't be. I just bought it inside.

Oh.

- Do you have a knife?

- No.

No. How about you?

Do you have a knife?

- Yeah.

- May I borrow it?

Could you open it, please. Just open it.

I'd like to examine it.

Thank you very much.

It's getting late, isn't it?

.3962. Perfect.

Here you are, Mr. Thomson.

Hit away.

- Is he with you?

- I thought he was with you.

Who are you with?

- Oh, I'm with you.

- Get off the tee!

Ball, please.

- No funny stuff while I drive, please.

- Certainly not, Ben, certainly not.

On the tee, Bantam Ben Hogan.

- Here he is, Miss Taylor.

- Thank you.

- Oh, Joe, I'm so glad you're fine.

- It all right if I take my clubs now?

- Sure.

- On the tee,

Joe Anthony from San Francisco.

- I'm Joe Anthony.

- You're just in time.

- You're on the tee right now.

- Can I have a caddy?

Well, I'm sure

there's been one assigned to you.

- Hello.

- Look, I don't want...

He doesn't want to delay the game

any longer,

so we'll tee off in just a minute.

Would you excuse us, please?

We have work to do.

Would you, please?

- Thank you very much.

- Look, Harvey, will you...

Yes, I've been examining

the course, sir.

Yes, sir, and this is a very narrow hole

and I suggest we start

with the three-wood.

- Give me the driver.

- All right, here you are.

I'm sorry,

it was your wash from the motel.

- I had nowhere to put it.

- Give me a ball, Harvey.

- No ball.

- Why don't you try your pocket?

Here you are. Sorry, Joe.

Be quiet. This is not funny.

- That's an eight-iron, Joe.

- I don't want the eight-iron.

- You better listen to him, Joe.

- Will you give me the six-iron?

- Harvey, this is the eight-iron.

- That's the club you should use!

Give me the six-iron!

Joe, that's the wrong club, Joe.

- That is not the right...

- One more disturbance, Mr. Anthony,

and I'll be forced to disqualify you.

I'm sorry, sir. It was all my fault.

I won't make any more noise.

Well, see that you don't.

It's Fisherman's Wharf!

They brought everything but the dock.

$10,000.

Look, Mama, there's Harvey and Joe.

Wave to them.

Joe, we've come all the way

from San Francisco to see you win.

Pop, why did you drive

on the golf course?

I see big sign on the house.

It says, "Driving Range." So I drive in.

Anthony, I warned you.

You're disqualified!

Oh, no, wait, please.

Joe's gotta play,

or we'll lose the Mama Mia,

and Mama Anthony's restaurant.

You can't disqualify Joe.

You cannot throw my Joe

out of the game.

They're not gonna play without Joe.

Come on.

We'll move the trucks out ourselves.

You no move nothing!

We wanna see our Joe play!

- Harry, call the police.

- All right, call the police, big shot.

- Now, you get off the course.

- Hey, don't you push me.

You're not gonna let them

disqualify Joe, are you, Mr. Hogan?

Well, I'm sorry, that's up to the officials.

Oh. Well, if Joe's not gonna play,

nobody's gonna play. Come on, Mama.

Look, we've had just about enough...

- Don't you hit Harvey!

- Lady, please.

- Mama, let's go in the car.

- But, where's Papa?

Papa! Papa!

This ain't funny.

You're crazy to waste your time

playing golf.

We've had just about enough...

You know, you guys could have

a great future in show business.

- Show business?

- Come on!

Here, take my card, look me up.

All right, come on. Let's get out of here.

Joe.

Joe, I did it!

Joe, I ain't scared of people.

I did it, Joe.

Officers, it was those two.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes