The Cannonball Run Page #5

- She's in great pain.

Causes her to make

certain delirious deliriums.

Sounds like she's on something to me.

Let me explain something to you.

We have to get the senator's wife...

to California in 72 hours.

You understand what I'm saying?

We have to get the senator's wife...

to California in 72 hours.

We're very close.

As long as you're in New jersey,

I want you fellows to take it easy.

- You got that?

- We sure do.

- Thanks a lot.

- Get this rig out of here.

I'm glad there's no cupcakes

like that in New jersey.

You haven't met

my brother-in- law Ralph.

I thought that cop was gonna have

a cardiac arrest...

when we said we were going

to California.

Wasn't Beauty terrific?

The lady was splendid.

She should have her picture

on the cover of the AMAJournal.

I'm sure that doctor's

a very sweet man, basically.

Ah, thanks.

But don't you ever tell me

where you found him.

Ever.

It's the Cannonball.

It's the damn Cannonball for sure.

They blasted away

right in front of my eyes.

And they kidnapped a girl

named Pamela Glover...

just like it was the goddamn

Red Brigade or something.

No, I've got them.

This time I've got them.

Ohio? Yes.

Ohio has been notified.

Ohio has been notified.

And Missouri.

And California.

We'll get them, and I'm gonna

be there to handle it.

You can count on it.

I've got two minutes

to catch my flight.

Bye.

- Madam. Madam.

- Madam?

I'm no madam.

I'm a decent, respectable woman.

I don't even own a house.

I live in an apartment.

Now get off my case.

I'm late for my plane.

- After my career in the RAF...

- The what?

The Royal Air Force.

- Do you mind if I have a cigarette?

- Please, go ahead. They're your lungs.

Well, I had a chestful of citations...

medals, that sort of thing...

and then I drifted in playing

a rather popular...

Not that one, darling, please.

We don't want you leaving so shortly

after the trip has begun, do we?

No, of course not.

Then I drifted into playing...

a rather popular character

on a television series.

It's still in syndication, you know.

Puff away.

Thanks a lot, ladies.

But I would take it a little easier.

Some of the officers up the road

might not be as understanding.

Thank you so much, Officer.

We really do appreciate that warning.

And if you're ever in Duluth...

remember to look me up.

I got the number.

You can count on it.

How's the patient?

She's alive.

Looks like she survived the procedure.

What procedure?

If you guys laid a finger on me...

No, I just gave her a little prick.

With this.

Hey, Super Chief, will you lean forward

so I can get the front wheel down?

Stop kidding. I am.

Pull over!

We want to give you our blessings.

There are two priests

in that car over there.

They want us to pull over.

They're two priests

driving a Ferrari.

When's the last time you saw

two priests driving a Ferrari?

Are they taking the bingo money home?

Oh, no, they're doing

the work of the Lord.

In a Ferrari, they can just

do it faster, that's all.

Pull over!

We want to bless you!

One of the priests is black.

- Oh, yeah. They have black priests.

- They do?

Oh, sure.

They have a black cardinal.

Oh, they do want us to pull over.

They want to bless us.

Can we?

Let me get this straight.

You want us to pull over

and be blessed...

by a black priest in a red Ferrari?

Couldn't hurt.

- Nice car, Father.

- Thank you, a**hole.

Hello, Father.

Nice-looking car.

That's what everyone says.

He even said it.

I want to thank you

for stopping, son...

'cause we always stop the ambulance...

so we can bless

whoever's in there...

and you paramedics are doing

such a wonderful job.

We're in kind of a hurry,

so just bless it and we can go.

- Oh, I gotta bless her.

- I'm sorry, Father.

She's a Zen Buddhist.

You're not a Zen Buddhist,

so you can't bless her.

We specialize in blessing Zen Buddhists.

On second thought, Father,

you want to bless him?

We need all the help we can get.

Just give him a little shot.

Thank you, Father.

- You're quite welcome.

- You did a good job.

Thank you.

Thank you, Father.

Why don't you take that piece of sh*t

back to the junkyard?

- We got a...

- Flat.

- And those priests...

- Weren't fathers.

- They were...

- Mothers.

Come here.

Ah, sh*t!

International film star...

ruthless assassin...

Casanova, poet, philosopher...

You might say a legend in my own time...

in fact, you can.

Not that one, darling. I'm afraid

this car is full of surprises.

This is something I've noticed,

I must say.

How about some champagne,

darling?

Hey, little silver four-wheeler...

that just flew past me

with the good-looking seat cover.

Son, back that thing down.

You got smokies all over my back door.

If you are referring to me...

I request that you speak more clearly

in the queen's English.

That is, if we are going to converse

on this wireless.

Bless your heart.

Cheers.

Down the hatch.

What do you think you're doing?

You can't come in here.

You're a man.

- 7-Eleven. How can I help you?

- Pumps one and two... hit 'em.

What are you, some kind of nut?

You got one unleaded and one premium.

She goes both ways.

The round orange moon pie with

the white hat on... he'll pay for it.

I'm a doctor, and if I may be

permitted the indelicacy...

you seen one,

you've seen 'em all.

Come on.

A thousand miles on one wheel?

We're trying to win a race,

not set a record.

- Victor, what do you got?

- A lot of goodies for you guys...

and a Big Gulp Dr Pepper for me.

I'm a pepper, you're a pepper

He's a pepper, she's a pepper

Wouldn't you like to be

a pepper too

- Will you get in here.

- Okay. Here you go.

Officer!

Do you take your law and order

in this town seriously?

Are you kidding?

Excuse me for asking.

Greek! But...

Would you shut up a minute

and listen to me?

Oh, by the way, Greek.

What's the odds on the japanese team

not finishing?

There's gonna be a red Ferrari come

flying through here in a few seconds...

and the two men driving

are responsible for the victim...

lying back here

in this ambulance.

- Victim?

- A flasher victim.

- You want to know the worst part?

- What's that?

- They're dressed as priests.

- Go on.

I guess they think it's a little

kinkier, you know, dressed as priests.

Goddamn, that's sick.

I'll handle this.

Oh... one more thing.

I think they're armed.

Damn, I hope so.

It'll give me an excuse.

Flashers!

Bye- bye!

J. J., you son of a...

Out of the car,

both of you. Now!

All right, hit it.

- Hit it?

- Hit it?

Freeze, or name your beneficiary.

Beneficiary?

Officer, I sincerely hope...

- you're not a Catholic.

- Pay no attention to him.

He's been locked up for six years

in that monastery...

and he don't know what he's doing.

I don't think both of his paddles

are in the water.

Six years is gonna seem like

a summer vacation...

when the state of Missouri

gets through with you.

You, shorty.

Where'd you get all that jewelry?

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