The Cannonball Run Page #6

- Why'd he call me shorty?

- 'Cause you're small. Small.

S-M-ALL.

I suggest you take

another route, good buddy.

The smokies are getting traffic

all tied up on 40...

Iooking for them Cannonballers.

That's a big ten-four.

- Hey,j.j.

- Yeah?

There's a lot of talk on the CB

about the roadblock ahead.

What do you think?

I think we're in deep you- know-what.

The transmission is slipping.

And we lost a lot of time

because of your two phony priests.

Oh. I'm sorry.

Listen, if the transmission

does hold together...

you think we're gonna be able to bluff

our way through the roadblock ahead?

I don't know.

Give me a minute

to gather my thoughts.

I gathered my thoughts.

Hey, Lowboy!

Look in your rearview mirror.

You see this ambulance back here?

We need a piggyback ride.

This one can go by.

There's no problem here.

Let's just have this one and...

that one.

Yeah, that one's okay.

Let it go.

Excuse me, but you look very familiar.

Do I know you?

Yes, that's quite possible.

Is this going to take long?

You see, we're on our honeymoon,

and she can't wait.

Oh, thank God.

Normal people!

No, you see, we were just

looking for Cannon...

It's not important.

Just move along, if you would.

- What is this, anyway?

- It's a stakeout.

Oh. Bon appetit.

English humor.

Come on, guys,

keep moving, will you, please?

Let's see...

Quiet, Victor.

You're gonna blow our cover.

J. J., this is not

a nine-to-five job.

I wish him were here.

Hi.

Hello.

You look tired.

More frustrated than tired.

Think you're gonna win

this crazy race?

Damn right I am.

I'm sitting here having a conversation

with somebody who kidnapped me.

Who can blame anybody

for kidnapping you?

You gave me laughing gas.

Well, you have

an awful beautiful laugh.

You made me forget my favorite skirt

back at the motel.

Doesn't matter.

You look terrific without it.

What'd you expect, anyway?

- A gang bang or something like that.

- A gang bang?

We're racers, not rapists.

- Why?

- Why what?

Why all this speed and trouble

and risk and...

I mean, what for?

For the hell of it.

Didn't you ever do anything

just for the hell of it?

I guess so.

My father used to work

in the coal mines.

Forty- three years.

He was gonna retire.

Buy a houseboat.

Move down to Florida.

Fish on the back of the boat

and tell my mom lies.

He died two days

before he was gonna retire.

I guess you just never know.

Yeah.

I made up my mind right then.

I was gonna go for it...

I mean, everything I wanted...

I was gonna go for it

right then...

because you never know when

something's gonna happen to you.

Like talking to you, you know?

I mean, it's really nice.

Excuse me.

Where are you guys going?

We're just out

looking for a pack of cigarettes.

With North Carolina plates...

you're driving

to Missouri for cigarettes?

How about a beer?

How about the fact

that your paint job is coming off?

You want to take these guys away?

The good guys strike back!

What is that? Five, eight, three...

Five, eight, three, six...

Hold on. Hold on.

Let it go. Come on.

Come on, guys, keep moving,

will you please?

Howdy, sir.

What seems to be the problem?

You guys didn't really think

you'd get away with this, did you?

We're gonna get

the whole lot of you now.

Not here, you won't. The word is out

about your little roadblock.

They're talking about it

all up and down the "superslab."

Get these traitors out of here,

will you?

Think you're so big.

Do some of you people want to come over

and push this thing out of the way?

Come on.

I'll put it in neutral.

Who did that?

Make it stop!

Thanks a lot!

Keep on truckin'!

Hey, George, you remember the good old

days before they got radar in?

We used to chase speeders?

Yeah. This is really boring.

Bye- bye!

- What the hell was that?

- I don't know...

but whatever the hell it was,

it was doing 125.

That's the first time

we took an order by phone.

It was hard to understand you.

When I called you,

I was doing 140 miles an hour.

That was six lamb burgers,

four shish kebabs...

a side order of couscous...

and two milk.

No! How much?

Six seventy- five.

Here, my desert blossom.

Keep the change.

Have you ever considered

joining a harem?

I shall return for you

after the race.

Get a physical.

I shall return, my little fig.

I love you!

I don't know

how to ask you this, but...

isn't it a little strange

having that guy...

running around inside your head?

He's not in here.

He's out there somewhere,

helping people.

He's always helping people.

He'd help you.

He would?

He likes you.

How did he find you?

I mean, how did you two

get together?

Well, when I was real young...

I didn't have any friends

like I do now.

Like j.j.

Like j.j.

One day I was in the schoolyard...

and nine guys were beating me up

pretty good.

There he was.

- Captain Chaos?

- Yeah. Out of the blue!

Pow! Slam! Bam! Boff!

I sure was grateful.

That's great!

Nobody bothered me at school

after that.

I wish I had a friend

like that.

Well, first you need a mask

and a cape.

I think I'd like mine

to be pink.

Almost everything I wear

is pink.

Everything?

Even...

I don't wear any.

You don't?

Wow.

I'd like to be your friend...

'cause I like you.

I like you too, Beauty.

Thank you.

New Mexico.

Texas?

Stupid!

I'll take care of this one.

Hello, hot pants.

I don't suppose

you have a driver's license...

tucked down in there somewhere,

do you?

Yes, Officer.

That policeman seems to want us

to stop, darling.

Yes. He must be rather upset

with our rapid rate.

Funny. They don't have any sense

of humor about that sort of thing.

Aren't you going to pull over?

I'd rather not.

Can be such a bore,

talking to those chaps.

Tell you what.

We'll just slip away.

- Hit that button, will you?

- Like in your movies!

And now a little oil,

right, darling?

Well, well. We are full of tricks,

aren't we?

It's all part of my business,

really.

I've been meaning to ask you, darling.

What movie... Wait a minute.

- Can you see where you're going?

- Perfectly.

This is ridiculous.

It's good sport, isn't it?

Would you mind rolling

your window down, old girl?

We're getting done up

like a couple of kippers here.

Next time, I bring my mask.

A foggy day in London town.

You are about to witness

the ravishment...

of a woman who has been abducted.

A woman whose initial fear

has mellowed into curious expectation.

In the morning, she will be set free,

unaware of anything...

except that she has been loved

as never before.

Oh, yes, there!

Yes!

I've never seen a damn Rolls Royce

that'd do 140 miles an hour.

What do you fellas got

in that thing?

- Stock.

- Sign here.

I guess you must have misconstrued

my remark...

about my mother planning to purchase

Southern California...

as an attempt to influence

your giving me a ticket, Officer.

I am sure that she will still

consider keeping you all on...

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