The Canterville Ghost Page #4

NIGHT AFTER NIGHT,

DAY AFTER DAY,

TO LIVE IN EMPTINESS

BETWEEN HEAVEN AND EARTH

WITH NOTHING FOR COMPANY

BUT YOUR BITTER MEMORIES?

BUT DO YOU HAVE TO

KEEP ON BEING A GHOST?

I AM CONDEMNED:

TO BE A GHOS UNTIL A KINSMAN PERFORM

A BRAVE DEED IN MY BEHALF.

I HAVE WALKED THESE HALLS

FOR THREE CENTURIES,

AND I'M SO TIRED.

IF ONLY I COULD REST.

IF ONLY I COULD DIE.

TO BE BURIED:

IN THE SOFT, BROWN EARTH

IN THE GARDEN:

BEYOND THE PINE WOODS,

TO HAVE NO YESTERDAY

AND NO TOMORROW,

TO FORGET TIME,

TO BE AT PEACE.

OH, DEAR.

I WISH I COULD DO A BRAVE DEED FOR YOU.

HOW GOES IT, LADY?

OH, FINE.

SORRY TO BUST UP

THIS LITTLE REUNION,

BUT THE LOOEY WILL

BE BACK IN A MINUTE.

GOOD-BYE, SIR SIMON.

I'M VERY HAPPY

TO HAVE MET YOU.

CUFFY, I THINK YOU OUGH TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS

NOT TO CHASE HIM

UP THE CHIMNEY ANYMORE.

WELL, THAT DEPENDS

ON HIM.

BUT HE'S SO OLD

AND SO TIRED.

HUH!

EXCUSE ME, MY LADY.

SEE YOU LATER.

SIR SIMON,

I JUST SAW-

CUFFY HAS THE CANTERVILLE

MARK ON HIS NECK.

WHAT?

EXACTLY LIKE:

MY FATHER HAD.

THAT AMERICAN:

RUFFIAN?

ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?

HE MUST BE A CANTERVILLE.

EGAD, AND WHAT IF

HE BE A CANTERVILLE?

SHALL I PRANCE:

JOYOUSLY AROUND:

LIKE A SAUCY:

ANTELOPE?

BUT, SIR SIMON,

IF HE IS A KINSMAN, AND IF HE

DOES A BRAVE DEED IN YOUR NAME,

HE CAN SAVE YOU,

CAN'T HE?

CAN IT BE THAT THEY

HAVE CONCEALED FROM THEE

WHY I AM STILL HERE?

DOST FANCY 'TIS BECAUSE

I CANNOT FIND A KINSMAN?

WELL, I HEARD

MR. POTTS SAY

THAT THE CANTERVILLES ALWAYS

TURNED OUT TO BE COWARDS.

IS IT THAT?

COWARDS?

GROSS FLATTERY.

HAD THEY TWICE:

THE COURAGE,

'TWOULD ONLY GIVE THEM HALF THE NAME.

THY GRANDFATHER, WOULD HE MOUNT A HORSE?

THY FATHER,

SO FEARFUL OF WATER

THAT HE TREMBLED

IN HIS BATH...

OR THYSELF, SWOONING A THE MERE SIGHT OF MY SHADOW.

REALLY, NOW!

IT'S YOUR FAMILY, TOO, SIR SIMON!

ONLY TOO WELL DO I KNOW.

BUT, SIR SIMON,

WAIT.

CUFFY CAN SAVE YOU.

I KNOW IT.

IT ISN'T TRUE THAT ALL

CANTERVILLES HAVE TO BE COWARDS.

HAVEN'T I LIVED

LONG ENOUGH TO KNOW?

I WAS A COWARD,

WASN'T I?

I WAS FRIGHTENED

TO DEATH OF YOU.

NOW LOOK AT ME.

LOOK AT ME!

I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU

ANYMORE, NOT IN THE LEAST.

DON'T YOU SEE,

SIR SIMON?

NAY, NAY. 'TWAS IN

THEIR BLOOD AND BONES.

IT ISN'T IN MY

BLOOD AND BONES,

AND IT ISN' IN CUFFY'S.

YOU CAN TELL HE'S BRAVE

JUST BY LOOKING AT HIM.

OH, SIR SIMON, I'LL ARRANGE

FOR YOU TO MEET HIM AGAIN,

AND IF IT TURNS OUT THA HE IS A CANTERVILLE...

MY GOODNESS! PERHAPS YOU'LL

BE ABLE TO GO TO SLEEP

IN THE GARDEN BEYOND

THE PINE WOODS AFTER ALL.

PLEASE, SIR SIMON.

VERY WELL, CHILD.

SIR SIMON,

WHERE ARE YOU?

HERE, HERE.

GOOD EVENING, SIR SIMON.

I BROUGHT HIM.

SIR?

HOW ARE YOU, SIR SIMON?

WHAT'S COOKING?

COOKING?

YEAH. I MEAN,

WHAT'S ALL THE MYSTERY?

THE SERGEANT WILL HAVE

THE BLOODHOUNDS AFTER ME

IF I'M NO IN THE HAY BY 9:00.

AND AUNTIE WILL BE

AFTER ME:

IF SHE FINDS OU I'M NOT IN BED.

GO ON, SIR SIMON,

ASK HIM.

WELL, TELL ME,

PRITHEE...

OH, YES.

I AM AWARE THAT FEW AMERICANS

KNOW THEIR OWN GRANDFATHERS,

BUT DOST THOU:

BY ANY MIRACLE:

REMEMBER AUGH OF THINE ANCESTORS?

ANCESTORS? MY OLD MAN

WOULD NEVER LOOK INTO HIS.

SAID HE WAS SCARED HE MIGHT TURN UP

ONE THAT ENDED UP ON THE HOT SEAT.

HOT SEAT? NOWADAYS, ENGLAND AND

AMERICA HAVE EVERYTHING IN COMMON

EXCEPT, OF COURSE,

THE LANGUAGE.

SIR SIMON! THINK BACK,

CUFFY, PLEASE.

TRY TO REMEMBER.

WE DON'T GO IN MUCH

FOR THAT SORT OF THING

IN THE STATES.

WAIT A MINUTE. I HAD AN AUNT MARTHA.

SHE WAS A LITTLE WACKY ON THE SUBJECT.

ONCE, SHE DID TRACE MY

MOTHER'S FAMILY TREE BACK

AS FAR AS SOME GUY THA LANDED IN MASSACHUSETTS

WAY, WAY BACK.

HIS NAME WAS,

UH, MARMALADE-

NO, NO.

MARMADUKE.

MARMADUKE. THAT SAME

MARMADUKE WHO FLED TO SALEM

AFTER CROMWELL SCATTERED THE

CHIVALRY OF ENGLAND TO THE FOUR WINDS.

OH, SIR SIMON!

YOU KNEW HIM?

YEA. HE WAS THE SON

OF MY BROTHER ANTHONY.

OH, NOW,

TAKE IT EASY, SIR SIMON.

HOW DO YOU KNOW:

IT'S THE SAME MARMADUKE?

SHOW HIM.

HOLY CATS!

NOW THINE,

PLEASE.

HOLY CATS,

INDEED!

WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

WELL, I'LL BE...

WELL, THAT MAKES ME,

UH...

YOUR...

NEPHEW. GREAT-GREAT-

GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-NEPHEW.

AYE, THOU AR A KINSMAN,

A KINSMAN:

WHO CAN FREE ME:

FROM THESE:

EARTHLY BONDS.

BY PERFORMING:

A BRAVE DEED IN HIS NAME.

I CAN, HUH?

WILT WEAR MY SIGNET, KINSMAN,

AND CARRY IT INTO BATTLE IN MY BEHALF?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW,

NOW.

SEE, UH...

A COLONIAL RUFFIAN

LIKE ME:

SAVING A BLUE BLOOD

LIKE YOU?

OH, BUT, CUFFY,

YOU MUST SAVE HIM.

HE'S SO TIRED AND SLEEPY.

I COULDN'T EAT MY SUPPER

TONIGHT FROM WORRYING OVER HIM.

BESIDES, THOU ART A CANTERVILLE THYSELF,

THE BLUEST BLOOD IN

ALL BROAD ENGLAND.

THE BLUEST BLOOD,

HUH?

OK, IT'S A DEAL.

YOU'RE IN, UNCLE,

THE FIRST TIME THEY TURN

ME LOOSE ON THOSE NAZIS.

I SHALL BE EVERLASTINGLY

GRATEFUL, NEPHEW.

I, TOO.

WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME

TO GET YOU HOME, LADY.

THUMBS UP, UNCLE.

IT'S IN THE BAG.

OH, FATHER,

GRANT THAT HE BE NO LIKE THE OTHERS.

THE WHOLE DAY:

WASTED.

RIGHT NOW WE COULD BE IN

LONDON, BUZZIN' THE TOWN.

YEAH, OR ON SKIRT PATROL,

SKIRMISHING.

WHAT GETS ME IS,

THE LOOEY STILL THINKS

WE WERE UP ALL NIGH SHOOTING CRAP.

IF HE'D ONLY SEEN

THE GHOST.

DON'T WORRY, SARGE.

MAYBE HE WILL YET.

THAT'S RIGHT.

HOW?

CLICK,

CLICK.

YOU MEAN, TAKE HIS PICTURE?

IF WE HAD A CAMERA,

WHICH WE AIN'T GOT,

BUT WHICH YOU GOT.

WE GOT.

BUM BUM LA-BA BUM BUM

HEY, LOOK OUT!

WE GOT!

WHOA!

WE GOT THE CAMERA

FOR THE GHOST PICTURE.

LISTEN, YOU GUYS, WHY DON' YOU LAY OFF THAT POOR OLD GHOST?

HE ISN'T BOTHERING US

ANYMORE, IS HE?

NOT MUCH! IF IT WASN'T FOR

HIM, WE WOULDN'T BE STUCK HERE.

YOU CAN'T BLAME HIM. AFTER

ALL, A GHOST HAS TO GROAN

THROUGH KEYHOLES

AND RATTLE HIS CHAINS.

WHY THE SUDDEN:

SYMPATHY?

YEAH. WHO DREAMED UP

THE GAS-MASK IDEA?

WELL, I KNOW, BUT NOW I GOT A

SORT OF A PERSONAL INTEREST IN HIM.

I HAVE EVERY REASON TO BELIEVE THA I'M THE LONG-LOST DUKE OF CANTERVILLE,

THE BLUEST BLOOD

IN ALL BROAD ENGLAND.

THE DUKE OF CANTERVILLE?

SEEMS TO ME I SEEN YOU

IN THE INDUCTION CENTER.

IF I WERE YOU,

I'D BE CAREFUL WHA I SAID AND DID, SEE?

LIKE WHAT?

LIKE LOAFING:

ON MY LAWN:

AND TALKING BEFORE YOU'RE TALKED TO.

YOU CAN:

- I BEG YOUR PARDON, YOUR GRACE.

THIS IS YOUR:

PRIVATE LAWN?

YEA.

ONLY YOU CAN:

LIE ON IT?

YEA.

EXCUSE ME,

YOUR GRACE.

WHOA!

HA HA HA HA!

WHOOPS! SORRY!

DO YOU MIND IF WE REMOVE THE COVERALLS?

STEADY, OLD CHAP. IT'S

DEPANTSING:

THE DUKE.

HEY, LOOK!

LOOK!

GIVE ME MY PANTS!

HERE, HIDE BEHIND.

GOOD AFTERNOON,

EVERYBODY.

GOOD AFTERNOON.

THIS IS MY AUNT,

MRS. POLVERDINE.

GLAD TO MEET YOU.

I DON'T KNOW ALL YOUR NAMES,

BUT YOU'RE BUGSY, AREN'T YOU?

YES, MA'AM.

HOW DO YOU DO?

AND MR. WALTERS.

HE'S THE INDIAN.

AND...

AND... OH, AUNTIE,

THIS IS:

CUFFY WILLIAMS.

HOW DO YOU DO,

PRIVATE WILLIAMS?

YOU'VE MADE QUITE AN

IMPRESSION ON MY NIECE.

THANK YOU.

CUFFY-

I MEAN, ALL OF YOU-

AUNTIE SAID:

I MIGHT INVITE YOU

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