The Canterville Ghost Page #5

TO THE PARTY IN THE

VILLAGE THIS AFTERNOON.

OOH! GEE!

A PARTY!

IT'S ONLY A

HOLIDAY-AT-HOME DANCE,

BUT THERE'LL BE

REFRESHMENTS.

GIRLS, TOO?

OH, YES.

GIRLS, SHE SAYS.

WHAT ARE THEY?

WELL...

GIRLS, GIRLS,

GIRLS...

OH, I REMEMBER.

THEN YOU'LL COME?

SURE.

OH, YEAH.

DRIVE ALONG, THEN,

JESSICA.

I'M SO GLAD

TO HAVE MET YOU.

4:
00. DON'T FORGET.

THANK YOU.

BYE.

GOOD-BYE!

BYE!

BYE!

BYE-BYE!

SEE YOU!

GOOD-BYE!

BYE!

DON'T FORGE THE GIRLS!

BYE!

WELL, WET YOUR WHISTLES.

WET YOUR WHISTLES.

WHAT DO YOU DO ON

MOONLIGHT NIGHTS, DIMPLES?

GRIND CRANKSHAFTS

FOR WELLINGTON BOMBERS.

OH.

BUT IT'S DAYTIME NOW.

OH, WELL.

I SAY, COULD, UH...

ME?

UM, WOULD YOU...

SAM, SAM, ASK HIM

IF HE WANTS TO DANCE.

HIM?

AYE, HIM.

RIGHT.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE?

WHY, I'D LOVE TO.

I BET HE WAS A GOOD DANCER AT ONE TIME.

HERE'S YOUR DREAM MAN,

COOKIE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

HA HA!

MY LADY, MAY I HAVE THE

PLEASURE OF THIS DANCE?

WITH ME?

BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW.

YOU DON'T? THEN IT'S

HIGH TIME YOU LEARNED.

ISN'T IT,

MRS. POLVERDINE?

I THINK:

SHE'S VERY FORTUNATE

TO HAVE SUCH A CHARMING

DANCING TEACHER.

THANK YOU.

MY LADY.

THAT'S RIGHT.

I GO FORWARD,

YOU GO BACKWARD.

WHEN I GO BACKWARD,

VICE VERSA.

1-2-3, 1-2-3.

THAT-A GIRL.

I THOUGHT IT WOULD

BE MORE DIFFICULT.

IT IS FOR MOST PEOPLE.

SWING IT OUT, OLD-TIMER. COME ON.

MIND IF I SAW:

THEM CATGUTS, MISTER?

MY LADY, LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE

STUCK WITH THE BUNION EXPRESS.

I CAN'T.

COME ON.

CLIMB ABOARD.

IS THIS INDIAN STYLE?

UGH!

WHOOP! WHOOP!

WHOOP!

HOBOKEN TRIBE.

I BELIEVE THEY CALL I WOOGIE-BOOGIE.

HEY DOODLE DOODLE

DA DA DA:

DOODLE DOODLE:

DOODLE DOO OOH DA

DOODLE DOODLE:

DOO DOO OOH DOO DOO

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE

THE BELLE OF THE BALL?

I LIKE IT VERY MUCH,

BUT DOES IT ALWAYS

MAKE YOU SO DIZZY?

IT MAKES MOST OF THEM

EVEN DIZZIER.

SUPPOSE YOU AND I

HAVE A SHORT ONE, HMM?

TWO, UH, NEAT.

YES, SIR.

ANYHOW, WOULD YOU

BELIEVE IT?

THE LIEUTENAN THINKS IT'S APPLESAUCE.

I BELIEVE YOU SAW THE

CANTERVILLE GHOST RIGHT ENOUGH,

BUT THE DAY:

WILL NEVER DAWN:

WHEN HE'D RUN AWAY FROM A

HUMAN BEING, THAT IT WON'T.

WAIT A MINUTE. HERE'S

THE GUY TO BELIEVE.

BOYS, MEET THE DUKE

OF CANTERVILLE HIMSELF.

AHH!

OH!

OH, THE DUKE

OF CANTERVILLE.

HONORED,

YOUR GRACE.

IF IT CAN BE CALLED AN HONOR

TO MEET A CANTERVILLE.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH

BEING A CANTERVILLE?

WELL, SINCE YOU'RE SO WELL-ACQUAINTED

WITH THE GHOST, WHY NOT ASK HIM?

CUFFY, PLEASE, UH,

WILL YOU DANCE:

WITH ME AGAIN?

SURE.

HEY, YOU!

IT'S ME. CUFFY.

ODD'S GALLOWS, WHAT A

FRIGHT THOU GAVEST ME.

UNCLE,

I'VE BEEN THINKING.

LOOK, YOU CAN COME INTO

FOCUS NOW. IT'S ONLY ME.

OH, EXCUSE ME.

THANKS. THAT'S BETTER.

IT'S SUCH A PROBLEM TO

HAVE TO WALK THESE NIGHTS.

UNCLE, IF YOU'RE SUPPOSED

TO HANG AROUND HERE

UNTIL A CANTERVILLE

DOES A BRAVE DEED FOR YOU,

HOW COME YOU'RE STILL HERE

AFTER 300 YEARS?

HAS IT REALLY BEEN

THAT LONG?

WHAT HAPPENED WHEN

THEY TRIED TO SAVE YOU?

EXCUSE ME. I'M OVERDUE NOW. I REALLY

MUST GIBBER AT THE ORIEL WINDOW.

WAIT A MINUTE.

QUIT STALLING.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH

THE CANTERVILLES?

WRONG? SIR, ARE YOU

IMPUGNING THE FAMILY HONOR?

ALL RIGHT. I WAS WILLING

TO PLAY ALONG WITH YOU,

BUT IF YOU'RE GOING TO

HOLD OUT ON ME...

NAY, NAY, KINSMAN.

I WAS MERELY TRYING

TO SPARE THEE.

SPARE ME?

WHAT? GO ON.

SPILL IT.

MAYHAP IT IS BETTER

IF THINE ANCESTORS

SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES.

COME WITH ME.

HEY, EDDIE.

HE'S OUT THERE.

HARRY. HARRY.

THE GHOST IS WALKING.

COME ON.

IN HERE, NEPHEW.

UH!

OH, EXCUSE ME.

I KEEP FORGETTING.

IT'S OK.

JUST A LITTLE NEW TO ME.

THIS MUST BE A ROOM I MISSED

SWEEPING OUT THE OTHER DAY.

WOULD THOU COULDS SWEEP AWAY ITS HISTORY.

GAZE UPON THEM,

OUR NOBLE FAMILY.

SIR GERALD DE CANTERVILLE,

THE PROUD SKIPPER

OF THE FRIGATE CRANSTON.

WHEN SHE SANK,

HE WAS THE FIRS TO LEAVE HIS SHIP.

SIR ANDREW DE CANTERVILLE.

HE SAW A GRENADIER LOSE A

FINGER AT BLENHEIM BATTLE

AND SWOONED AWAY.

AND THE BLESSED TWINS.

LIEUTENANT PAUL:

RODE THE WRONG WAY

IN THE CHARGE:

OF THE LIGHT BRIGADE.

LIEUTENANT PETER WAS

10 LENGTHS AHEAD OF HIM.

YOU MEAN:

THEY WERE ALL COWARDS.

ALL.

AT THE MOMENT OF CRISIS,

THEIR EYES DISTEND,

THEIR KNEES BUCKLE,

THEIR HANDS TREMBLE

AS WITH THE AGUE.

AYE, OF ALL

THE HEROIC FAMILIES

THAT FOR CENTURIES

HAVE BRIGHTENED:

THE HONOR AND GLORY

OF ENGLAND,

OURS HAD TO BE A BROOD

OF LILY-LIVERED TITMICE.

SO THAT'S WHY

YOU HELD OUT ON ME.

YOU THOUGHT IF I FOUND

OUT, I'D BE THE SAME WAY.

OH, NAY, NOT AT ALL.

IT NEVER ENTERED MY MIND.

THEN WHAT ARE YOU MAKING

ALL THE FUSS ABOUT?

SO THEY ALL TURNED

CHICKEN ON YOU.

SO THEY ALL HAVE CARROTS

FOR BREAKFAST ON TUESDAYS.

IT'S THE SAME THING

TO ME.

VERILY?

I DON'T CARE

WHAT THE OTHERS DID.

THIS IS CUFFY, SEE?

VERILY.

ALL RIGHT, THEN.

WHEW!

NOW, HARRY, SHOOT!

WE GOT IT!

YIPPEE!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

THE GHOST'S

PICTURE.

HE GOT IT.

WHO?

HARRY!

HE'S IN THE ARMOR.

THAT-A BOY, HARRY.

HARRY, YOU GOT IT.

TAKE IT EASY, HARRY.

TAKE IT EASY, NOW.

CAREFUL. CAREFUL!

GEE, I BROKE IT,

DIDN'T I, EDDIE?

THAT'S RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, MEN, THIS IS IT.

START LOADING THE TRUCKS.

BATTLE EQUIPMENT!

CHECK THE MEN:

FOR PERSONAL BELONGINGS.

WALKER-DYNAMITE,

PLUNGER BOXES, FUSE, WIRE.

OK, SERGEANT.

LET'S GO!

BROWN! BE SURE TO TAKE OFF THA RING. IT'LL SHINE IN THE DARK.

SURE THING, SARGE.

REMEMBER, WE BLOW

THE REFINERY AT 2350.

WE HAVE TO HOLD THIS POINT THE

EIGHT MINUTES IT TAKES US TO GET BACK

IN CASE ANY JERRIES COME DOWN THIS ROAD

FROM THE COAST AND TRY TO CUT US OFF.

CHECK?

CHECK.

CHECK.

McDOUGLE, YOU'LL FIND THE PHONE

WIRE ABOUT A HALF-MILE DOWN THE ROAD.

CUT IT AND GET BACK

TO YOUR CREW. YES, SIR.

SEE YOU LATER, KIDS.

PROTECTION PLUS:

THE WIDEST RANGE OF FIRE.

YOU ALL SET?

YEP.

IT WON'T BE LONG NOW,

GWENDOLYN.

I THINK I'LL KEEP AN EYE OUT FROM ABOVE.

OK, CUFFY.

...BUT DELIVER US

FROM EVIL,

FOR THINE IS THE KINGDOM

AND THE POWER AND THE GLORY

FOREVER AND EVER.

AMEN.

I HAVE SO MUCH SPECIAL

TO ASK TONIGHT.

PLEASE TAKE CARE OF CUFFY.

PLEASE DO.

DON'T LET HIM GET HURT.

AND UNCLE SIMON-

YOU KNOW,

I TOLD YOU ABOUT HIM-

HE'S SUCH A POOR, POOR,

FUNNY OLD GHOST,

AND HE'S SO TIRED.

WON'T YOU PLEASE

LET CUFFY SAVE HIM

SO HE CAN GO TO SLEEP?

YE SKULKING, CRINGING,

MISBEGOTTEN PACKAGE OF PEAFOWL,

YE WRETCHED POLTROONS

WHO HAVE DARKENED

ENGLAND'S BRIGHTEST MOMENTS,

NOT FOR LONG NOW

WILL I HAVE YOU LEERING AT ME

IN CYNICAL MOCKERY,

NOT FOR LONG...

YE DRIBBLE-PUSSES.

AS FOR THEE,

CAPTAIN BERTRAM,

WHO HID TREMBLING

IN A WELL AT WATERLOO,

I SPIT IN THINE EYE.

THEE, FAT ALGERNON,

WHO POSED FOR TWO YEARS

AS A DOWAGER:

TO ESCAPE FIGHTING

A DUEL,

I SPIT IN THINE EYE.

THEE, SIR PERCIVAL,

WHO FOUGHT THROUGH

THE THIRTY YEARS' WAR

WITHOUT FIRING:

A SHOT...

OH!

THE RING!

OH! OH!

AAH!

OH! OH!

DID YOU SEE IT?

OH! AAH!

OOH!

AAH!

THE RING.

YOU FORGOT THE RING.

OH. WELL, GIVE IT HERE.

THANK YOU.

FORGET IT.

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