The Carer Page #8

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How many of us here

deny the human condition,

in one form or another?

We get old.

That's the truth.

And how can you tell true stories about

the human condition if you deny it,

or choose only the good bits?

Youth and beauty, passion and sex.

We all come to this, you know,

if we're very lucky.

There's no truth in cosmetic

enhancement, you know,

no candor in collagen.

Besides, which face

would you have lifted?

What a ship of plastic fools.

Incontinent, botoxed, nipped,

tucked, liposucked,

studded with diamonds,

sailing into the sunset.

"Cowards die many times

before their deaths."

"The valiant never

taste of death but once."

"Of all the wonders

that I yet have heard,

"It seems to me most strange

that men should fear,

"Seeing that death, a necessary end,"

"Will come"

"when it will come."

Oh, come on.

It's not my funeral. Not yet.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Although from all the bollocks

you heard this evening,

you could be excused

for thinking it was.

But there's something else, though.

Something I've wanted to do all my life.

[SILENT CHUCKLE]

"To be..."

"To be..."

[AUDIENCE MURMURING]

"To be..."

[WHISPERS]

"Or not to be."

[AUDIENCE CHUCKLING]

"To be..."

"Or not to be."

And that really is the question.

And the answer is,

to unashamedly,

unrepentantly, aggressively,

joyously, bloody well... be!

Thank you, good night.

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