The Cat in the Hat Page #3

That was wicked cool!

Do it again!

I'd love to, but Shamu is right...

I really should be going.

- No, don't go!

- No, I should go.

I should let you and the fish

have all your fun conjugating verbs,

cleaning your room,

doing long division.

No, you have to stay!

All right, I'll stay.

Oh, yeah!

Yeah!

But if I'm gonna stay,

there's something I wanna show you.

Something magical...

and full of wonder.

- It's called a contract.

- You want us to sign this?

- Just a formality, really. Yeah.

- Who are they?

Magical time-traveling elves.

Yeah. Magic.

Okay, they're my lawyers.

Liability issues, litigious society,

frivolous lawsuits.

You understand.

Basically, this contract guarantees

you can have all the fun you want...

and nothing beds

ever gonna happen.

- All the fun we want?

- Uh-yeah!

- Nothing bad will happen?

- Uh-no!

Come on, Sal,

for once in your life

try something spontaneous.

It goes against

my better instincts, but...

fine.

Beautiful.

Initial here.

And here. And here.

Not here!

Turn it over.

This is nothing.

Scratch this.

Smell that!

Terrific.

Yadee-yadee-yadee.

Sign the bottom.

You're it!

Okay, gimme five!

Four.

Let's get this party

started! Uh-huh!

Hey, check out this room!

What now?

Mom says we're not

allowed in the living room

today, or else.

She's worried we'll mess up the couches

by jumpin' on 'em or somethin'

And she's right.

You can't jump on these.

Not like this.

They need some adjustment.

Yee-haw!

Let's take a look

under the hood.

Yeah.

Just doin' my job.

Sorry.

What have we got here?

Whew.

Here we go.

It's oversized.

That's unusual.

Here it is.

Down, Simba!

Down, Simba!

Get outta here!

Spray me, would ya?

You...

- Thanks for the help.

Back in a second.

Who's your couch mechanic?

You oughta call

Mr. Catwrench.

Oww! My fur!

My fur! My fur!

That oughta do it.

Whoo!

Come on, kids.

I could use a little company.

What about Mom's party?

What about it?

We signed the contract.

Wha-hoo!

Yeah!

One cushion left,

Sally.

She'll never do it.

She doesn't know

how to have fun.

Fun? Sally,

you're better than fun.

Fun is beneath you.

Remember

what your mother told you...

No one sets foot

in the living room...

You know what?

Let's just watch some flashbacks.

Absolutely no one sets foot

in the living room, or else.

You're fired... fired... fired...

fired... fired... fired...

Fired... fired... fired... fired...

And that's why...

Oww!

This is where

they buried my brother!

Yeah!

Yippee!

Oh, yeah!

This is amazing!

Like being

in the circus!

Yeah, but without

those tortured animals...

or drunken clowns

that have hepatitis.

See, kids, I told you

we could have fun!

The best thing is,

no one will ever...

know.

Judas Priest!

I can't believe what I'm seeing!

Oh, Mr. Quinn,

I was just telling Conrad

to get off the couch.

Bad, Conrad!

Bad!

Sally,

baby, angel, princess,

I'm gonna let you in

on a little secret, okay?

Nobody likes a suck-up!

Where's the cat?

I don't know.

Ohh!

Good bread.

What are you two

lookin' at?

Is there a cat in here?

I'm gonna...

You're gonna...

I have to...

Get out of here.

See, kids, I told you.

Stick with me, it'll all work out.

Oh, no! Ohh!

Little-known fact...

cats always land on their tushy.

- I thought they always

landed on their feet.

- Oh, sure, now you tell me.

Harrumph!

- So, kiddo, what do you

want to do for fun?

- I wanna make cupcakes!

Cupcakes? Oh, yeah!

To the kitchen!

Live from the kitchen,

the following is

a paid commercial announcement

for Astounding Products.

Hi! Welcome to

Astounding Products.

I'm your host,

the guy in the sweater who asks

all the obvious questions.

Now, here to tell us

about his astounding product

for making cupcakes,

all the way

from Cheshire, England,

please welcome...

Me! Hello!

Now... Hello!

I'm so excited!

Do you love

making cupcakes,

but hate all

the hard cupcake work?

I know I do!

Well, forget

everything you know

about making cupcakes...

and say hello...

to the amazing Kupkake-inator.

- I'm so excited!

Cupcake-a-what?

Kupkake-inator!

Oh, this amazing device

can instantly make cupcakes...

out of anything that

you have in the kitchen.

- Wait a minute.

Did you say anything"?

- Anything.

Anything?

Yes, anything.

Anything?

Anything.

- Anything?

- I'll get you, and it'll look

like a bloody accident.

- Anything.

Now, take off the lid.

You can put in, I don't know,

a carton of eggs.

What?

How about

a pack of hot dogs?

That's incredible!

Why not some ketchup?

Yeah, why not?

How about...

I know what you're thinkin'.

Even a fire extinguisher.

There we go.

Hmm?

Now, close the lid

and Bob's your flippin' uncle!

What an

astounding product!

Oh, yeah!

Open the drawer,

Fill the patented

Kupkake-inator tray,

- Close the drawer,

Then place it

in a conventional oven.

Delicious cupcakes

are just minutes away.

Did you just say

"minutes away"?

That's impossible!

You're not just wrong,

you're stupid.

Now, wait just a minute...

And you're ugly,

just like your mum.

Did you just call

my mother ugly?

Shut up! I mean it!

I will end you!

Um, Cat.

Your tail.

What about it?

Oh, I see! I've chopped it off.

That's interesting, because...

Son of a bi...

Look, I'm not saying

we're going to sue.

I'm just saying

we have a case.

We'll talk later.

Ixnay, ixnay.

Hi.

Cat, is the oven

supposed to be

making that sound?

Huh?

Of course. That means

they're almost done, Conrack.

- Conrad.

- That's what I said, Condor.

- Cat!

- Now, that's my name!

Yep!

They're done!

Oh, man!

There's nothing

to worry about.

I'm sure

they still taste fine.

Yecch!

They're horrible!

Who wants some?

Come on, come on!

Oh... my... cod.

Ohh! Aah!

Cat, you need to

clean this mess up pronto.

We have a contract.

All right, I'll try.

You don't try. You do.

Yes, ma'am.

Right away, ma'am.

I'll be right back.

Whoa!

Hi.

How are ya?

Okay.

Look. I'm a girl.

Stop! That's...

Mom's dress!

This filthy thing?

She was gonna wear that tonight,

and you ruined it.

Honey, it was ruined

when she bought it.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I told you

all this would happen!

- But no one listens to a fish!

- Oy.

A dog goes "woof-woof"

and everybody knows that

little Timmy's trapped under a log.

But a fish speaks

in plain English...

All right, everyone,

let's just take a deep breath

and calm down.

You know who's gonna solve it?

Me. I am.

I will personally

take care of everything.

And I know

just the guys to do it.

In this box are two Things.

I will show them to you.

Two Things, and I call them

Thing One and Thing Two.

These Things will not bite you.

They want to have fun.

So without further ado,

meet Thing Two

and Thing One!

@Ta-da @

Oh, yeah!

Thing One, Conrad, Sally.

Conrad, Sally, Thing One.

Thing Two, Conrad, Sally.

Conrad, Sally, Thing Two.

Thing One, Thing Two.

Thing Two, Thing One.

Rate this script:3.5 / 12 votes