The Change-Up Page #10

Ask Tommy.

Tommy!

TOMMY:
Yeah, man.

Check this out, man.

(GIGGLING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

You never did tell me

about your childhood.

Really? Now?

With the Sons of Anarchy

between your...

Um, let's see here...

Tommy, Rico. Hey, guys.

We are sightseeing now.

Let's move it along,

please. Come on.

You are such a gentleman.

Now you only have one ponytailed

ex-convict between your legs,

so everything is fine.

(SABRINA LAUGHS)

I'm kidding.

I was absolutely joking.

I love your ponytail.

And that little pirate beard.

Sun kidding.

(EXHALES)

(CHATTING INDISTINCTLY)

That's me, there.

This is you.

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, that is nice.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Well, good night.

Good night.

Hey, Mitch?

Yeah.

Are you going

to call me?

I thought you said

this wasn't a date.

Things change.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

That's a cute tie.

Thank you.

You should wear

that to the party.

What party?

Our anniversary party.

Our anniversary party?

Why the f*** wasn't I...

What about Mitch?

You said you didn't

want him to come.

I did?

Yeah.

You said you were really

embarrassed of him.

That's why

I didn't invite him.

I can't believe

I don't remember that.

You also said

that you thought

that he would

get hammered

and hit on all of our married

friends, be mean to my grandma

and turn the whole thing

into a key party.

Once, that happened.

And you said he would force

everyone to do Kamikaze shots,

spike the punch

with ecstasy,

give all the girls

breast exams and...

That was the same party.

Hmm. Weird.

Maybe we should talk about your

bad memory at Dialogue Night.

Stilton Coffee House tonight.

Don't forget.

Okay.

Okay?

Bye.

(LAUGHS)

(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)

(GRUNTS)

Hello.

This is District

Manager Carla Nelson

from the Atlanta

Department of Parks.

Oh, yeah.

Well, we have found

that fountain.

It's been moved to

You found it.

Okay, well...

(STAMMERS) Okay,

we'll be there soon.

All righty, then.

Have a good day.

Thank you.

Hi.

Hi.

How are you?

Good. Just on my way

to see Dave.

Actually,

all the senior staff is going to

be at the mediation tomorrow.

So, I snagged

Flemming's seats

to the Marlins-Braves game.

You, me, beer, baseball.

What more could

a guy want?

(GROANS)

Don't take this

the wrong way.

I would really love to go to that

game with you, but I don't...

(ANGRILY) Are you

breaking up with me?

What? I'm messing with you.

(LAUGHING)

Oh!

Look, it is just

a baseball game.

They're dugout seats.

Whatever you have

to do, cancel it.

Hey.

They found the fountain.

Yeah, they did.

She called me, too.

Yeah.

So...

Good news.

Yeah, it's good news.

Awesome.

We should probably go,

you know, take a piss.

Yeah, yeah,

let's do it.

Yeah.

Except...

Except?

Except, the mediation

is tomorrow,

and I've been working

my ass off on that.

Yeah, you've been working

real hard on that.

And I want to

prove to myself

and to people

that I can see

that through.

And you should.

Yeah.

You deserve that.

What are you saying?

We could wait.

You want to wait?

We could wait a day.

Push it a day?

Or a week?

We should wait to switch.

We can do it...

A month?

Yeah.

It's time.

Really, what is time?

Come here, Dave.

Come on, buddy.

(BOTH GROAN)

This went so well.

Yeah, it did.

It's kind of surprising.

Very surprising.

If they offer you one red

cent over $700 million,

you accept that.

Got it?

Yes, of course.

Why wouldn't I?

Why wouldn't you?

Great!

Good!

What's the worst that can happen?

Nothing can happen!

I think it's fine.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Dave Lockwood.

Did you forget something?

Who is this?

Your wife.

Oh.

Ummm. Did I forget something?

I don't know. What?

Never mind.

It's the mediation tomorrow,

so I'm under it.

I can't play.

So, how did it go?

How much money is it?

Just two hours,

so, 14 bucks.

Great.

Sorry you got stood up.

He just forgot.

Yeah, that's what

I meant. (LAUGHS)

He forgot me

at the coffee shop

when all I wanted to do

was go and talk to him.

Which isn't a lot to ask,

do you think?

What do you

want me to say?

Well, have you ever

been stood up by a man?

Not really.

Uh-huh.

Our parents drive

us places, though, so...

Bottom line, Katie,

is work always

comes first,

and we always

come second.

And I don't think that's

ever going to change.

I've got to go home now

because I have

this Spanish test, so...

I can write you a note.

I guess deep down,

I'm afraid that

I'll keep compromising

until getting the sh*t

end feels normal.

And then I'll be

so beaten down by life

that, just for a second,

I will consider asking

the homeless guy at the car wash

who looks like Kris Kristofferson

to rub my shoulders.

And I will,

and he will.

And you know what?

It'll be wonderful.

And I'll love it.

Because why not?

(CRYING) I mean, I'm not

getting anything here.

Nobody's f***ing me here.

You know, Katie, this is exactly

why people get divorced.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

That was way out of line.

Do you want

some ice cream?

I'm not getting any

closer to leaving, am I?

No.

(ORGAN PLAYING GAME TUNES)

(ALL CHEERING LOUDLY)

Wow!

It's looking good out there.

Hudson loves the sinker.

He's been crushing them all year.

Listen to you, you are

a big baseball fan!

Yeah, huge.

I didn't know

that about you.

I was Phil Niekro for Halloween

three years in a row as a kid.

No way! Phil Niekro is my number

one favorite of all time!

Why is my voice

so high?

(LAUGHING)

WOMAN:
Thank you

for coming in today.

My name is Erin Walsh,

and I'll be mediating

your claim.

Any and all agreements made

during this mediation are binding

and carry with them

the full rights

and responsibilities

of the law

as stated in Federal

Code 325 A, Section 4.

(INAUDIBLE)

Kinkabe agrees in principle

to the terms of the sale

and valuates your company

at $625 million.

This is their best

and final offer.

TED:
There is no way

we can make this deal.

FLEMMING:
Six-twenty-five

is not the end of the world.

You've just got to know

when it's time to quit.

F*** that noise.

We are not quitting.

I think you can

do better, Ted.

I beg your pardon.

I don't see anybody

headed for the door.

This is just like trying to f*** a

Catholic girl who keeps saying,

"No, I don't want to.

I'm really drunk and you're circumcised."

But she keeps on

making out with you,

she's not leaving

your Fiero...

It means she really wants to.

She just needs

a little bit of a nudge.

A little bit of a coax,

little bit of a tickle.

Just to rationalize it

to herself, to her God.

Do you know what I mean?

No, Dave. We most definitely

do not know what you mean.

Okay. What I mean is,

they want to spend more, they

just don't know it, all right?

If this really was

their final offer,

they'd be leaving,

but they're not.

They're sticking around.

They've got more money to spend.

She wants to unroll that rubber

at the bottom of her purse

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