The Change-Up Page #4
(EXCLAIMING)
What the hell
was that?
Relax. This is good.
Look at how
great this is.
It's all part of my
secret master plan.
It is?
You bet.
You are hurting my
arm a little bit.
This deal is critical to the
very survival of this firm.
Is that clear?
I got it.
I know what I'm doing.
I've been doing it for...
How long have I
been doing it here, huh?
How long have I worked here?
You know that.
(EXHALES)
I don't know.
Nine years, 10.
Yeah.
Yeah. Perfect.
Exactly 10 years, that's exactly right.
And have I ever
steered you wrong?
No.
Trust me, bro.
Bro?
Fine.
But from here on out, you are
Understand?
Now, go.
Put on some proper clothes.
You look like a Jew.
Oh.
DAVE:
Excuse me, hello.Where do the movie stars park?
Hello, there. Hey, man.
What's up?
Where the f*** is
hair and makeup?
Mitch Planko.
F*** me.
Right there.
F*** me.
Oh, look at that.
That looks like fun.
Ready for you on set.
Anything I can get you?
Vitamin water or Pellegrino?
No, thank you.
I just have a quick question.
What does that mean,
there, "TS?"
Titty shot.
And, "BTS,"
right there?
Bouncing titty shot.
Bouncing titty shot.
Steve Driver,
coming to the set.
I'm just curious, what
kind of movie is this?
It's a Iorno.
I'm not familiar with that genre.
Is that European?
Lorno, "Light porno."
Tits and shadows.
You ever hear
of Skinemax?
Oh, no.
Come on, big guy.
(WITH ACCENT) No, no, no.
More oil.
Make him shiny
like fish.
Are you the one
in charge here?
Mitch, I'm Valtan,
the director.
Oh, good. There's been
some kind of mistake...
Mona!
Where the f*** is...
I'm here!
Hey!
Here's the scene, okay?
You going to enter with a gun...
Where the gun?
Mitch, you going to come in.
Guard going to try to stop you.
Line, line, line.
You knock him the f*** out, okay?
You see Mona.
Then we bounce titty,
bounce titty, bounce titty,
slow mo, bouncy titty,
Iicky tip of nipple,
regular speed,
bouncy titty,
slap the ass, slap the
ass, slap the ass,
and a wind come in, blow out a candle.
Finite. What do you think?
Oh, it's like a poem!
It's like a poem!
Mitch is gonna be great
in our movie film.
Lock it up!
MAN 1:
Locking it up.Have a good scene.
Places, everyone.
MAN 1:
Quiet on the set. This is heavy.Do you want to take...
The camera is rolling.
Question.
VALTAN:
And action!Hey.
Action!
No entry!
MAN 2:
(WHISPERING)Mitch, here.
If you let...
If you let me don't in,
Taco, I will f*** you dead.
That can't be right.
All right, come on!
Just knock him the f*** out, go inside.
Keep rolling!
MAN 1:
Still rolling.VALTAN:
Action!(GRUNTING)
Come on.
I barely hit him.
All right, we fix it in post.
Just keep rolling, keep rolling.
MAN 1:
Keep rolling!Lola, wake up surprise.
(SCREAMING)
Holy sh*t!
Steve Driver,
you perfect bastard, you.
VALTAN:
Rip it off.(MOANING)
(EXCLAIMS)
God!
Oh, yeah, eat that titty, boy.
Eat that titty.
(PURRING) Yeah, yeah!
Eat that titty.
Oh, Sh*t.
VALTAN:
Like Cheerio,boy. Delish!
(MOANING) Yeah!
Breakfast champion, boys.
Mount for sex time.
Go! On bed.
Give it to me, Steve!
VALTAN:
Come on!Okay, okay, okay.
(PURRING)
VALTAN:
Yeah!Pump that ass, boy.
Go, boy!
(GROANS)
Loosen hips,
loosen hips.
(MOANING) VALTAN: Go!
Deep thrusting!
VALTAN:
Yeah!Put your thumb
up her butt.
What?
Stick your thumb
up her butthole.
I promise you,
it's nice, clean.
You eat cake off
lady's Starfish, okay?
Ahhh...
No.
(PURRING)
I have killed people.
Mostly men.
I'm not allowed
back in Eastern Bloc.
Now, you put your thumb
up nice lady's butthole,
or else, maybe you have
an accident on set.
Maybe light fall on your head,
maybe you get electrocute.
Maybe goat f*** your mouth.
I don't know.
Movie set be very
dangerous place.
Mmm-hmm.
Okay.
And have fun with it.
Okay.
Keep rolling, keep rolling.
I'm going to hell.
(SQUELCHING)
(MONA EXCLAIMS)
Oh, Steve!
It's like Christmas
in my ass!
VALTAN:
Moving it around!Moving it around! (MOANING)
Like iPhone.
Yeah.
Hey, purchase
some apps!
Buy Angry Birds!
And enter Dimitri.
Dimitri?
Hi, Dimitri.
What are you doing
with my wife, man?
VALTAN:
Thrust!Don't improvise, okay?
Keep thrusting,
keep thrusting.
VALTAN:
Pump it.Oh, hey, hey, hey.
Now kiss that boy.
No, no, no.
I'm good, Dimitri.
You're going
to kiss that boy.
Come on.
(MOANING)
Okay, we're good.
(MOANING LOUDLY)
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Tall arms.
Tall arms.
Remember to smile, girls.
Very nice.
Focus.
Arms up. Tall.
Excellent, girls.
Smile. Focus.
(GRUNTS)
(SIGHS) Cara, do try
to stay on your toes.
Let's start again.
(MOUTHS)
Shouldn't I be
sitting in my car seat?
No, no. You're good.
Hey, tell me about the big
girl who knocked you over.
That's Nicolette Peters.
She does it
a lot, actually.
She does it a lot?
Why don't you fight back?
Uh, because you
told me not to.
I what?
You said I should strive
for verbal resolution.
Uh, you know,
Daddy sometimes...
How do I...
Here's what you do.
What you do is you f***
verbal resolution, okay?
You put that whore on her
back, and you shank her.
You know how
to make a shiv?
What?
Listen to me.
If somebody comes
at you with a knife,
you put her whole
family in the morgue.
That is jailyard justice.
Because if you don't come
back hard on a b*tch,
you're going to
end up getting sold
for a pack of Camel
Lights and a Jell-O cup.
Do you understand
what I'm saying to you?
Always solve your
problems with violence.
Okay, Daddy.
Great.
Want to get
some Pinkberry?
(REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey.
BOTH:
Hey, how did it go?You shut up!
What happened?
We'll get into Mr.
Thumb's wild ride in a minute.
First, you're going to tell
me, how did the deal go?
Awesome.
The deal went awesome.
Good. So, it's closed?
Yeah, f***ing closed.
Basically closed.
A little bit
of a hiccup, but...
(EXCLAIMS) What do
you mean, a hiccup?
A little bit
of a hiccup.
Your f***ing boss is an anti-Semite.
Did you know that?
Oh, my God!
What did you do?
I was playing it nice and cool,
just like we talked about,
and then these goddamn
squids, these Japs,
these f***ing Kamikaze
pilots are coming at me,
riddling me with
f***ing questions.
I had to do a little improv,
and they got very emotional.
Will you just
tell me how it ended?
You're going to court.
No! F***! Oh, my God!
Your boss was
I told him it was part
No, you didn't!
We'll work on one of those.
You tell me how my sh*t went.
Oh, your sh*t?
How'd my stuff go?
Mitch, what the hell
is wrong with you?
It was a porno movie!
It's a Iorno,
a light porn.
The dick stays
in the pants, right?
They didn't pull
it out, did they?
But my thumb went in
three girls' a**holes.
Oh, f***, get the sand
out of your vagina.
Did you finish the day?
0 fans
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"The Change-Up" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 8 Jul 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_change-up_5298>.
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