The Closet Page #2

Better to have them

on your back than up...

What do you do Saturday nights?

I asked how you spend

Saturday nights. Gay bashing?

Not at all!

Where do you go?

The park, to hunt drag-queens?

That humor is out now.

I won't say it twice!

I've consulted our PR head.

We decided this:

we keep Pignon for now,

and stay out of his private life!

We must!

- He's so dumb.

- Outdid himself!

- Let's make him...

- Less dumb? No hope!

We can try!

He let you have it!

I lightened the mood,

and he slammed me!

- You'd better watch out.

- Why?

You're on your way out.

He's got his eye on you.

You can't fire a guy

for a mild joke!

Would they fire me for that?

If I were you,

I'd be very nice to Pignon.

What do you mean

very nice?

You're known

as a macho gay-basher.

To change that,

take Pignon to lunch.

I won't lunch with that fruit!

I hope no one heard you.

"l can't,

I'm lunching with Pignon!"

Very good.

What a world! They fire straights,

and keep on every stinking...

- Who copied it?

- Dunno. We're all giggling.

Put it away, he's due.

- Aren't they cute?

- Get to work!

I had a hunch...

I can spot 'em. I did him.

It's his walk, his little ways...

I said to myself: "That's one!"

I didn't.

It's the way he looks at you,

sideways, round-eyed.

- Like a pigeon.

- Are pigeons gay?

Coffee, anyone?

No, thanks.

He walks tightassed.

France is no good at rugby?

We played S. Africa

and New Zealand...

They're better, don't kid yourself.

The "All Blacks"

and "Springboks" are way ahead!

They have the Super-Twelve...

OK, they're pros.

But in Europe

some of our teams can match them...

Felix is right:

we win now and then,

but in the long run...

You've got a fan!

It's the dating game!

You've got taste:

Pignon is mignon!

That humor is out now!

I won't say it twice!

How are you?

Fine, thanks.

I'm glad.

You eat beets?

Yes.

They're healthy.

I had shredded carrots.

Really?

They're healthy, too.

I'll have some.

What?

Beets, I'll have some too.

Enjoy your meal.

Thanks.

Listen...

Yes?

We should grab a bite some day.

- Well?

- Seems to be working.

Come in!

Santini, "Mr Rugby",

asked me to lunch.

That's a good sign.

To your future.

- How can I thank you?

- I should thank you.

Why?

I'm retired,

life isn't much fun.

Then you, suicidal,

unemployed, appear...

Thanks to you, now I'm neither.

And I've found the way

to full employment:

There's another thing...

I got fired a long time ago.

Now, in a way,

I'm getting even.

Coming!

That cat never stops eating!

I open tins all day long.

Feels like he ate a whole ox today!

Why did they fire you?

they're keeping you on.

So things are evolving!

Move your asses!

Push, you fakers!

Watch out for those butts!

What'll I say to him?

Eating alone with that f*ggot!

Stop saying "f*ggot"!

You're right! Sorry.

You'll goof and say:

"Who needs gays in gay Paree?"

Why would I say that?

That's how you are.

I'm from Marseilles, not Paris!

OK, forget it,

just be nice to him.

What can I talk about

with that sissy?

First, pick a good restaurant.

I did:
"The Truffle".

Costs a fortune!

Show him you're not a brute.

Say what you love about rugby

is the warm

locker-room camaraderie.

What warm camaraderie?

Men together under the showers,

naked in the steam,

glistening, muscular bodies,

a buddy soaps your back,

you soap his.

- It's why you love rugby.

- It is?

No, that's just what you tell him!

Get rid of your fag-bashing image,

dammit!

Sh*t...

Traffic was awful today.

Yes.

And Paris traffic

can be really awful!

I'm glad you were let go...

- I mean, that it worked out.

- Thanks.

You're good manpower.

Sorry about your mishap

at rugby.

I've forgotten it.

People think I'm just a big brute...

But I'm as sensitive

as the next guy.

I love rugby for the showers.

Really?

The showers?

Not the actual showers.

You can shower anywhere.

Sure.

How can I put it?

A shower with a naked buddy.

Get me?

No.

Sure you do.

You're with a naked buddy

in the shower, soaping his...

Now what is it?

Picked a wine, sir?

Give me the wine-list!

Where was l?

Soaping your buddy in the shower.

I was?

Right, I was...

Red or white?

Not at lunch, or I doze at work.

I'll drink. Makes me gay.

I didn't mean it that way...

Sh*t...

Christine, you there?

I had Iunch with Santini,

now my job Iooks safe again.

But I've had no news from Frank

in 2 weeks.

A cop's stopping me for

phoning and driving. I'll call you.

You need

a "hands free" model, sir.

I've ordered one, officer.

Driver's license.

Don't ticket me for that.

I phoned my wife about our son.

He's at a tricky age.

You got kids, officer?

Not when I'm on duty.

My son avoids me, I never see him.

Last Saturday, I waited all day...

I ticketed an old lady:

she cried over her dead dog.

Next a girl sobbed

over her boyfriend.

Let me do my job!

Leave me out of your problems!

He was my kid...

Now, he's a stranger.

Move on, get lost!

- Well?

- You scared me!

How'd it go?

Very well. He had duck,

I had a nice stew.

Skip what you ate...

I was the essence of tact.

We chatted delightfully!

I acted like an old queen

with that sissy!

Now he thinks I grab guys

in the showers!

No one can hear us!

Damn your paranoia!

I'm ashamed of myself.

I'm through with that fruit!

You OK?

- Fine. And you?

- Who were you talking about?

What?

I thought I heard "fruit".

We didn't say fruit. Did we?

Absolutely not.

- Sh*t!

- What?

- He heard every word!

- So what, he's a pal.

But he gabs to Victor,

who gabs to the boss.

Will the spade rat on me?

- Now what?

- If you're a racist, too!

- I'm not!

- Is "spade" a nice word?

I meant no harm...

Go away.

I'll get fired, too.

- Listen to me!

- Watch out!

He hardly waved. At our lunch,

he was cold with me.

The harder I tried,

the more he clammed up.

- It was awful...

- You didn't go far enough.

He sensed you were faking it.

They're intuitive.

Should I have taken him

to a disco?

Show him you're his friend.

That you love him.

That I love him?

He was destroyed!

I want hear him declare his love!

You're laying it on too thick.

- He called you a spade.

- He did?

He said he meant no harm.

OK, give it all you've got!

Harder!

Push!

Get into it!

You're a bunch of sissies!

Let's see if you've got balls!

That's standard rugby talk!

Don't bug me for that!

- I didn't say a thing.

- Now anything I say...

People think you took

the photos of Pignon.

- I heard it, too. Is it true?

- No way!

Really?

What's this crap?

You hate gays

'cause you're a latent one.

Who says that?

I had a strategy,

you turned it down!

What strategy?

If they call you gay

'cause you hate gays,

hang out with one,

to show you're not gay!

Could you say that slower?

- Thursday is his birthday.

- It is?

Giving Francois Pignon

a gift would be smart!

He was seen in the park last night.

A guy in sales, driving through,

saw him half-naked!

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