The Closet Page #3

Synopsis: François Pignon, a very bland sort of man who works as an accountant in a rubber factory, is about to be fired. His new neighbour comes up with an idea to prevent such a thing to happen: he spreads the rumor that he's gay so that the factory management might be afraid they'll be sued for sexual discrimination. Of course, nothing happens as it should, but the changes in François Pignon's life -and other people's too- is drastic !
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Francis Veber
Production: Miramax
  1 win.
 
IMDB:
7.1
Metacritic:
72
Rotten Tomatoes:
85%
R
Year:
2001
84 min
$4,519,967
Website
487 Views


Look at that flamer!

- How are things?

- Fine and you?

I'm due at maintenance.

- Later!

- Later!

I hear he's hot for an office boy.

I'll hurry!

Bastard's a pedophile, too!

Yesterday, he was a bore.

Today, a pervert.

He hid it well.

I've worked 6 years with him.

It's tales, he's no sex-freak.

What about him grabbing ass

in those photos?

You still got them?

- Something's odd.

- What?

No gay wears

bareass lederhosen, now!

The photos are 20 years old!

Maybe they're into nostalgia.

- It's not him.

- What?

See the spot on his arm? Look.

In short sleeves,

he has no snake tattoo.

Maybe it's recent.

Or a decal.

His arm isn't that muscular.

It's not him.

Then who?

They're manipulated photos.

Why make him look like a f*ggot?

I don't know,

but it's not him.

- Let's get his shirt off.

- What?

To check out the tattoo.

Easy! You say:

"l want to see

your strong arms, get undressed!"

No, we shout:

"Take it off, Pignon!

Take it all off!"

Hello, again!

Still no one for coffee?

No, thanks.

- Think he heard?

- I hope not.

- I've got an idea.

- Now what?

I bump into him with his coffee.

His shirt is drenched,

he removes it...

- You can't stain his shirt!

- Why not?

That's unfair!

Damn his shirt.

At least, we'll know!

I'm so sorry!

I feel awful.

Look at your blouse...

I'm sorry.

Better take it off.

Wasn't me, she bumped into me.

No, it wasn't your fault.

I'll get myself another coffee.

- Mr Pignon!

- Yes?

Mind staying later tonight?

To finish the balance sheet.

No problem.

If we run late,

we'll order food and eat here. OK?

If I add sales tax,

the figures match.

Congratulations.

- Let's quit, you're tired.

- We're not quite done.

We'll do it later.

Let's break and eat.

A new invention. Try it.

Thanks...

About the August sub-balance,

if we carried over the premiums...

We're having dinner!

- We'll work later.

- Sorry.

In 6 years,

it's our first dinner together.

Yes, our first.

Easy on the wine,

I can't handle it.

To our first dinner!

- I'm glad you kept your job.

- Thanks.

And the reason why.

Shows people are changing.

You mind discussing it?

- What?

- The reason you were kept on.

No, why would I mind?

Wait, are you sure

you know the reason?

They figured I wasn't

such a lousy accountant!

You don't know

about the photos?

What photos?

I shouldn't discuss it,

but everyone's seen them...

The boss got photos of you

going into a gay bar,

in a compromising position.

They were meant to harm you.

But it backfired:

that's how you held on to your job.

Easy on the wine.

This food's salty, I'm thirsty.

I didn't fall for it.

What?

They'd been manipulated.

It was a montage.

A montage?

I've known you for a while.

That can't be you in those photos.

I've known you through

a marriage, a divorce,

I can't believe it.

Is that you?

Bareassed in lederhosen,

being fondled by a guy?

Yes, it's me.

Mind you, it didn't shock me.

We're all entitled to privacy.

But it surprised me.

And not just me.

I drank too much,

I need to lie down...

Are you alright?

It's nothing. I'll be fine,

we'll get back to work.

Sorry.

I didn't realize anyone was here.

I undid your collar

so you could breathe.

Sorry, I have to go.

- Mr Pignon!

- See you tomorrow. 'Night!

She tried to undress you?

I drank too much. When I woke up,

she'd undone my shirt.

You two an item?

We're just co-workers!

What got into her?

Are you hot for her?

She's pretty, smart,

has men at her feet.

Why would she want me?

- Because you're not a man.

- What?

Reclaiming a gay man turns

some women on.

Not her! She didn't fall for it.

- She asked me questions...

- About what?

She thinks the photos

were manipulated.

I settled that.

Wasn't easy:
I had to look her

in the eye and say I liked men.

I came out of a closet

I never went into.

Maybe,

but now you're in deep sh*t.

Why?

That woman undressing you

isn't good.

- She may blow your cover.

- Does she care if I'm gay?

It's dangerous.

We must counterattack.

Have a seat, Pignon.

Thank you, sir.

You asked to see me?

Yes, it's tricky.

It's about Miss Bertrand.

I'm listening.

Tell her to stop fondling me.

Sorry?

She's after me.

It's unpleasant.

After you? How?

She assaulted me... sexually.

I see.

Almost tore off my shirt last night.

She shouldn't do that.

She's my boss,

but I'm not an object, sir.

I understand.

- I'll look into it.

- Thank you, sir.

Don't be rough on her.

I just want to be left alone.

I'll look into it.

Joint's OK, but pricey.

I can't digest red peppers.

Isn't that Pignon?

Yes, what he's doing there?

Holy sh*t!

What?

The fairy's ogling teenage boys!

Dirty fruitcake!

Frank!

I was nearby,

so I decided to surprise you.

- How are you?

- Fine, and you?

Fine, but I never see you.

I waited last week.

I couldn't come, I was busy.

You should call. I waited.

Sure. Gotta go.

Coming for lunch Saturday?

Sure.

He was ogling boys,

it turned my stomach!

I should've kicked his ass!

He'd love that!

Guy's revolting! Unhealthy!

My kid could be pawed

by that scumbag!

If I were a man and as tough

as you guys are,

I would definitely

teach him a lesson.

You wanted to see me, sir?

Sit down, Miss Bertrand.

- It's about Pignon.

- Yes?

It's a bit tricky.

- You must stop fondling him.

- Sorry?

He's accused you

of sexual harassment.

He accused me of...

That f*ggot!

Precisely.

Sexual harassment?

Since he doesn't like women,

leave him alone!

Yes, sir.

Tons of men in this company would

love to be harassed by you!

I'll go for a breather.

What you did to her

is disgusting!

I didn't do anything....

You behaved like an old biddy!

Soon you'll have no friends here!

Francois?

It's for you.

- What is it?

- Open it!

Happy birthday, Francois.

Hope you like the color,

but you can change it.

You OK?

Yeah.

Sure you had no school?

Yeah.

You should see your dad

more often.

That thing'll make you a zombie!

You don't even answer his calls.

He's no longer my husband,

but he's still your father!

I'm not an idiot: you left him

cause he's a drag.

He still is, so I dodge him.

Now please leave me alone.

Tell him you hate his pasta.

I don't hate it.

If you don't,

where's the problem?

It's how he says:

"Tomato-and-basil pasta!"

That's him.

We won't change him.

Can I go next week instead?

Don't annoy me!

Tomato-and-basil pasta!

Smells delicious!

Sweet of you to invite me.

I'd made too much for myself.

Delicious!

May I say...

it lacks a little basil.

What it lacks

is the presence of my son.

- Things OK?

- Sure.

- Nice day at the office?

- lce!

I asked a question.

Yes, fine. Water!

Want to hear about my day?

I'm back from work,

I'm bushed. Lay off me.

What is it?

You've been odd all week.

You don't answer me,

or get mad. What is it, hon?

Nothing, I'm fine, good-bye.

What's this bill?

"The Cashmere House",

one sweater, $1 10! You bought one?

Yes. So what?

You got a cashmere sweater?

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Francis Veber

Francis Paul Veber (born 28 July 1937) is a French film director, screenwriter and producer, and playwright. He has written and directed both French and American films. Eight French-language films with which he has been involved, as either writer or director or both, have been remade as English-language Hollywood films: Le grand blond avec une chaussure noire (as The Man with One Red Shoe), L'emmerdeur (as Buddy Buddy), La Cage aux Folles (as The Birdcage), Le Jouet (as The Toy), Les Compères (as Fathers' Day), La chèvre (as Pure Luck), Les Fugitifs (as Three Fugitives), and Le dîner de cons (as Dinner for Schmucks). He also wrote the screenplay for My Father the Hero, the 1994 American remake of the French-language film Mon père, ce héros. Some of his screenplays started as theater plays (for instance, Le dîner de cons). This theatrical experience contributes to his films' tight structure, resulting in what has been called "marvels of economy".Many of his French comedies feature recurring types of characters, named François Pignon (a bungler) and François Perrin (a bully). more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "The Closet" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 12 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_closet_15945>.

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