The Closet Page #4

Synopsis: François Pignon, a very bland sort of man who works as an accountant in a rubber factory, is about to be fired. His new neighbour comes up with an idea to prevent such a thing to happen: he spreads the rumor that he's gay so that the factory management might be afraid they'll be sued for sexual discrimination. Of course, nothing happens as it should, but the changes in François Pignon's life -and other people's too- is drastic !
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Francis Veber
Production: Miramax
  1 win.
 
IMDB:
7.1
Metacritic:
72
Rotten Tomatoes:
85%
R
Year:
2001
84 min
$4,519,967
Website
488 Views


They also sell lisle.

It was on sale.

$1 10! That's cheap?

- It was, for that color.

- What color?

Pink.

You gonna grill me long?

I want to see it.

Is it in your closet?

No, I checked.

Stop poisoning my life!

Admit you bought a sweater

for a bimbo!

A sweater for a bimbo, she's nuts!

So put it on.

I want to see you in it.

Who's this girl?

- This gift wasn't for a girl.

- Then for who?

A guy at the plant.

A pink sweater

for a guy at the plant?

He's gay, it was his birthday.

Now leave me alone.

You gave a sweater to a gay guy?

Who is this girl?

You watch TV last night?

No, I ate at my sister-in-law's.

There was a great movie.

A girl falls for a guy.

Turns out he's her dad.

That's rough.

When the chick screamed "Daddy!",

she was so moving...

Little b*tch had great tits, too!

Really nice ones?

Some cleavage!

Finding out the chick

you want to lay is your daughter!

That's a real human interest story.

Here he comes!

What happened?

Two guys in the garage...

- I'll call the police.

- No point.

We'll get the bastards.

They wore hoods

and stole nothing.

- I'll take you to the hospital.

- I'll be OK.

I thought those days were over.

You, again!

Because you showed up,

I'm in this mess,

pretending to be what I'm not,

getting beaten up...

I'd be out of work, but whole.

Hear that, puss?

You seduced an old queer,

wrecked his neighbor's life...

Look what you've done

to him, puss?

Make fun of me, too!

Would you rather I wept?

- Heard the latest?

- Now what?

He got beaten up in his garage.

- Wasn't me. I was home.

- I didn't say it was.

- Was he robbed?

- No, just beat up.

A way to say they hate gays.

That's disgusting.

- He's in the hospital?

- I think he's home.

Should I call him?

If you want, yes.

If he's all alone at home,

I'd better go see him.

Don't lose any sleep,

it can't be that bad.

Agnes won't speak to me.

Who?

My wife.

Because I bought him a sweater.

Would you give chocolates?

- To your wife?

- No, to Pignon.

- We went too far.

- Maybe he's in love.

I'm not kidding, he looked odd.

If he looked less dumb,

that's progress.

He's figured it out,

now he's putting you on.

He may be more fragile

than we thought.

Who are they for?

- What are you doing here?

- We have to talk.

Sh*t, my chocolates!

You followed me?

Yes.

Cause of a girl?

If you knew...

I do. You're courting a gay man,

to keep your job.

That's worse than a girlfriend.

I can't give him these.

You buy that f*ggot sweaters

and chocolates!

Next a Venice weekend!

Don't tail me!

I'll do what I want!

Leave me alone!

You're sick.

You need help.

You'll wind up feeding

that man chocolates...

- They're wrecked!

- He'll ask you to lie beside him.

- No chance of that.

- How do you know?

I'm not his type.

He avoids my eyes.

He never wore my sweater...

I don't appeal to him.

Come home, you need help.

I love you.

I need a candy store.

I can't give him these.

If you go up to his place,

I'll leave you.

There must be a candy store...

Felix!

Had a problem?

Nothing serious.

Francois Pignon?

The boss wants to see you,

come up now.

The boss? I'll be right up.

My dear Francois, have a seat!

- You're hurt?

- It's nothing.

Glad to hear it.

We're going to need you.

Moreau's come up

with a good publicity stunt.

He'll tell you. Go ahead.

As you may know,

next Saturday is Gay Pride Day.

What?

The day you guys have a big parade.

Radio and TV,

all the media cover it now.

I suggested

that we should be in on it.

I was reluctant:
we still have

a few heterosexual customers.

But your parade is now

so accepted socially...

We've got a float in the parade,

with a banner and a big condom.

I thought you'd like

to be on the float.

Me?

We've got a

"Come out safely" T-shirt.

And this hat,

to top it off.

A perfect fit!

Isn't he cute?

- How you doing?

- We're fine, but he isn't.

- His wife left him.

- Sh*t.

We've been a**holes.

Hi, Felix. You OK?

Fine, sure.

I have to talk to you.

I'll come clean:

I kidded you,

your job was always safe.

I had fun scaring you.

But only so you'd evolve.

Some of us disapproved

of your macho attitude.

So we said, let's tone him down.

See?

We heard your wife left you,

we feel bad.

No need.

We want your wife

to come home again.

Not too mad at me?

I'm not mad at you.

Why should I be?

Good. We love you.

We were just teasing.

So you're shy:

you'll overcome that.

You're the man for that float, no?

But crowds, spotlights, parades,

aren't my thing.

The CEO will be upset if you refuse.

It was his idea.

Agnes has moved out.

What?

My wife left me.

- Now I live alone.

- Really?

I need an answer, fast.

Agnes has left me, I'm alone.

Yes, I heard you.

Want a coffee?

You want to live with me?

I'm alone,

we could live together.

No.

Why?

Because.

It took 8 people control him.

He went berserk.

Poor fellow..

He's in hospital

with a nervous breakdown.

What a day!

You better?

Yes.

As to that parade:

if I were you, I'd go.

That's easy for you to say.

What a dumb answer!

If you go,

you'll become irreplaceable,

a kind of icon.

Yes, an icon.

In a parade of flamers!

Wearing a condom bonnet!

So what?

I'll be a d*ckhead!

To you it's funny:

screw your parade!

As you like.

I'm tired, I'm going to bed.

Sorry, I was tactless,

but I'm lost too...

More has happened in the last

few days than in my whole life.

Don't exaggerate.

One co-worker undressed me,

another wanted me to move in,

then almost strangled me,

I got beat up in my garage,

next I parade with fags and dykes!

Need I say more?

Your life's been very dull.

At last, you're coming alive!

Don't quit half way!

Good to see you,

darling.

- You OK, Dad?

- Fine. Come in, Frank.

Sit down, I've made you a snack.

Tomato-and-basil pasta!

I wasn't expecting your message...

I haven't heard from you

in a month.

- You're not eating?

- I'm not hungry, I'm fine.

I'm really fine.

I saw you on TV.

It was luck:

I rarely watch daytime TV.

That's why you came over?

I had to see you.

Why?

It made me want to see you.

You see Dad in a parade

of flamers and say: "I'll pop over."

No, I said:

"Maybe I misread him."

Great pasta!

Maybe you misread me?

- I said, maybe he's not such a...

- A drag?

Yes... I mean more fun.

Now you think I'm fun?

Dunno...

I'm just glad to be with you.

That parade today,

me on a float with that banner...

It was brilliant!

What did you want to say?

Nothing.

I'm glad you came.

Tell me...

are you attracted to...?

To what?

You mean, to boys?

Why, is it hereditary?

I'm not kidding, answer me.

No, I'm into girls.

Pity,

we'll never parade together.

What's that?

Good stuff.

You smoke that crap?

Sometimes.

Not often, don't worry.

- Does your mom know?

- I said, I rarely do it.

Only when I feel great.

Tonight we both feel great, right?

We feel great,

but don't smoke this crap.

Why so late?

I was worried sick!

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Francis Veber

Francis Paul Veber (born 28 July 1937) is a French film director, screenwriter and producer, and playwright. He has written and directed both French and American films. Eight French-language films with which he has been involved, as either writer or director or both, have been remade as English-language Hollywood films: Le grand blond avec une chaussure noire (as The Man with One Red Shoe), L'emmerdeur (as Buddy Buddy), La Cage aux Folles (as The Birdcage), Le Jouet (as The Toy), Les Compères (as Fathers' Day), La chèvre (as Pure Luck), Les Fugitifs (as Three Fugitives), and Le dîner de cons (as Dinner for Schmucks). He also wrote the screenplay for My Father the Hero, the 1994 American remake of the French-language film Mon père, ce héros. Some of his screenplays started as theater plays (for instance, Le dîner de cons). This theatrical experience contributes to his films' tight structure, resulting in what has been called "marvels of economy".Many of his French comedies feature recurring types of characters, named François Pignon (a bungler) and François Perrin (a bully). more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "The Closet" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_closet_15945>.

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