The Comebacks Page #3

We lived in the same cul-De-Sac.

Which is a dead-End skreet,

And no hope of ever getting out.

Unless you turn around in

this one guy's driveway, and...

He didn't like that, so...

It became this whole thing.

You don't like my rules...

George Johnson, is it?

- Ooh.

- Uh-Oh.

It's pronounced Jorge Juanson,

And no, I don't

like your contract.

And I don't like you,

either, ese.

You want to take

a swing at me, kid?

Then do it.

Punch me.

Go on.

Unless you're afraid.

Ooh! Oh!

That it?

Had enough?

Here's your tooth, Coach.

Thanks.

Well... look who's here.

She looks skinny...

Fat.

Her leotard's cute...

Yuck.

Yeah. She's pretty...

Hot.

I mean...

I would like to smother her.

Yeah.

With my breasts.

She never could stick it.

God, she could stick me.

Hi.

I'm Lance.

So, um, what are you, like...

The laundry man?

No, I just joined

the football team.

Me and a few guys from

the team work here

A few hours a week,

make some extra cash.

That's kind of brutal.

Well... it's got its perks.

Anyway, um...

I was wondering,

Would you like to

go out sometime?

No.

Why not?

'Cause I'm not

looking for a man.

Huh?

I already have one.

Oh.

What's up, baby?

Let's go get something to eat,

'Cause a brother's starvin'.

I already ate.

Don't call me baby.

Makes me feel like an object.

I'm sorry.

He was talking to me.

Come on, baby.

Boy got laundry to do.

Some guys have all the luck.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, gang.

Gather around-

I want to show you something.

This is my old bucket

From my own

college-Playing days.

I was a fullback.

Short-Yardage specialist

For the Loserville Golden Oafers.

They'd bring me in in

goal line situations mostly,

You know, the Hammerhead

to punch it in.

Yo, how many

touchdowns you score?

Nada, zilch.

Zero, not one.

Boy...

I'd give anything

for one last shot.

Why didn't you score, Coach?

Quick answer:
No talent.

In the big picture,

We didn't play as a team.

Now, there's one week

before our first game.

We've got to be one body,

one heartbeat.

Now, who do you play for?

The Comebacks!

Trotter.

Who?

The Comebacks!

Trotter!

Sorry, gang, but we are a team.

If I've got to bust his hump,

I've got to bust

all of your humps.

- Come on, man!

- Complaining's not

Gonna make a difference-

It's hump-Busting time.

Right! Dig! That's it!

That's my team!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Ooh! Ow! Ah!

Randinger!

Stop goofing around!

Get up here!

Oh, my God.

Survive on the ice,

you can survive anywhere.

Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah!

If you can dodge a wrench,

You can dodge a tackler.

Same thing goes for a firearm.

Did I dodge it?

Walk it off.

All right, listen up.

No one's going home today

Until one of you

can knock me down.

Okay, everybody hit the showers.

- Who do you play for?!

Comebacks!

Trotter! Trotter!

All right, good!

You're finally a team!

Except for you, Randy-

You'll be riding the pine.

Oh, come on Coach.

I'll give you a rim job.

I work down at the car wash

on the weekends.

I'll have your wheels sparkling

in no time.

Car wash- Right.

Sometimes I think

I might have a dirty mind.

First, highlights

of last night's title-Card bout

Featuring a courageous

comeback attempt

From the 93-Year-Old

Rocky Balboa.

Hey, fellas.

Name's Lambeau Fields.

Just thought I'd drop by

and introduce myself.

Oh, we know who you are.

We know all about

you and your contract

And your plans for our team.

We want you

to know something,

Coach.

We think that's terrific! We do!

But if you think

you can try using

Unconventional training methods

and crazy game plans...

- We support that 100 percent.

- Yeah, we do.

We do.

But if you should play

that first game...

And lose...

Aw, heck, there's always

another game after that.

- There's so many games in a season!

- They play a lot!

I can't tell you how relieved

that makes me feel, so...

Well, good. But if you should

lose that second game,

We'll tie you to a tree

and pour pig's blood

All over your ass and let

the coyotes have at you.

Good luck on your

first game tomorrow.

- Like some coffee?

- Begging for mercy.

- Oh, drink up now.

- Sure.

- Oh, we brew it fresh here.

- I'd be honored if you held my gun.

Oh, go ahead and

take a try with that.

Yeah.

- It's real good.

- Careful, it's hot.

Well, I'm just-

- Heh, Hey, shooter!

- Use that to stir it.

You can have the whole thing-

Put the weapon down.

Put the weapon down.

And Coach heard

their message loud and clear.

You see this was a town

that loved its football.

A brisk Saturday in autumn

Was like a holiday

for these folks.

The whole town

shut down on game day.

Everyone in Heartland,

and I mean everyone,

Was at the game.

MAN:

Here they are,

Your Heartland State

University Comebacks!

Hi, honey!

Good luck!

What's going on?

Where is everyone?

They're all two towns over

At the University of Texas game.

Hey, the Longhorns

just scored!

And here comes the visiting team,

The Boner State Trojans!

These Trojans are tough.

They're rock-Hard on offense!

They've got a stiff defense!

They'll exploit

any opening they see.

And if they get in a groove,

they can score all night long,

Any which way they want.

You can't lay down or they

are really gonna pound us.

- Season ticket holders coming through!

- Right here!

That's right!

All right, we can do it.

ANNOUNCER:

And the Heartland State University

Football season is...

...as bad as it was last year.

Team, hut!

This is so humiliating.

Comebacks rule!

End of the first,

Comebacks trail by 17.

Here comes Trotter.

Here comes Trotter.

You missed the whole first quarter.

Where have you been?

Get off my back, Coach.

I was doing a thing.

Me.

And remember, Dad, he's black.

Black as a Mississippi

August night.

All right, Trotter.

You're on the bench

for the rest of the game.

If you're ever late again,

you're off my squad.

Whatever, Coach.

I'm all you got and you know it.

I think you're forgetting

about someone.

The future of this team.

And his name is ACL Tear.

Coach, you know,

I've been thinking,

You might start to jinx me

if you keep calling me,

Uh, that name.

Nonsense.

Now, get out there,

ACL, and tear it up.

Tear it up good.

All right, Coach.

Go get 'em, Tear.

Let's go, Comebacks-

Execution, execution.

Green 80!

Green 80! Set. Hut.

Go.

Go!

Ooh!

Nothing can stop him!

Nothing can stop this kid!

'At a way, ACL Tear-

Shake it off.

- Way to take a hit from a bus, dude.

- That's right.

Final score:
Trojans 83,

Comebacks 0.

Hold this.

What did I tell you about

dropping the ball?

Dad, I only fumbled

a couple of times.

A couple!

Why don't you tell

Maddonald here just exactly

How many times

you fumbled?

Two.

Two! Two times!

Is that what you call "a couple"?

Actually, Dad, two is a couple.

This conversation is over!

Come on. Loser!

You can kiss my ass.

Coach?

You have been sitting

in here for hours.

I've just got a few more

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes