The Comebacks Page #5

Ooh, what a move!

He's to the 30, the 20, the 10!

Another Titans touchdown.

Are you kidding me?

Let's go get the quarterback!

Let's go!

Yeah, I get it.

You're gonna kill me.

Wha-What's this part?

Oh, that means

he's gonna fist you too.

Time's ticking down,

and we're still tied.

It all rests in the hands

of quarterback Lance Truman.

Blue 20.

Blue 20. Hut!

He drops back.

They're going long!

Juanson's wide open.

- He makes the catch.

- That's the way!

Hot damn, he's on fire.

Touchdown! The Comebacks win!

The Comebacks win!

Whoo-Hah!

Oh, gee.

Oh, di, do, do, di, do.

Whoo, you like that,

you big baby, don't you?

- Take it like a man.

- All right!

Heck of a job

out there today!

- Except for Randy.

Aww...

You had no part in the victory.

You added nothing.

Coach, can I play

in the next game?

I'll toss your salad.

Please tell me you're gonna start

chopping up lettuce and tomatoes.

I'll salute your flagpole.

Please tell me

you're a patriot.

I'll pack your fudge.

Please tell me you're

a confectioner's assistant.

Oh, no. I really meant I was gonna

pack your fudge and toss your salad.

All right, listen.

I want you all

to go out and celebrate.

Tear it up.

Explore your bodies.

Lather up your nethers,

get 'em wet, sticky. Shave it.

Go out and get yourself

a venereal disease,

Whatever it is you kids

are into these days.

All right, get in here.

S.T.D.'S on three.

- One, two, three.

- S.T.D.'S.

The strippers are here.

Bling-Bling.

Bling-Bling, baby.

Yo, what took

you so long, ese?

Stuff isn't easy to find

this time of night.

What's up, 'Seel?

That's some good sh*t.

Yeah... Now I can eat

my Fruity Flakes.

I'll be right back.

Hey, Blue Crush,

where you been?

Catching some waves.

I'm a total hard-Core

surfer chick.

At night?

In the middle of Texas?

I told you... I'm hard-Core.

What's that?

I'm writing

my local congressman,

Because I'm worried about

the rapidly decaying future

Of Social Security.

During a party? Why?

Because everyone's

labeled me rebellious,

So I'm rebelling

against the rebellious label

By being conscientious

in rebellion.

Duh.

Michelle, I can't stop

thinking about you.

That night when we kissed,

and I...

Bobbled your boobies...

I don't want to talk about it.

Why not?

Why won't you give me a chance?

Because if we went out,

You'd pick me up, we'd

drive out to the lake,

Have a little picnic,

some wine,

We'd lay out on

a blanket and ball.

And ball, ball,

ball, ball, ball.

We'd do it over and over

for hours and hours.

And I would ride you so hard

You wouldn't be able

to walk for weeks.

We'd do it every day.

All the time.

Always trying new things

And different positions.

Then we'd get married,

Move into a nice house

and have kids.

Two vacations a year.

One on a beach, and one

most likely in Europe,

With the occasional

Africa or Asia.

Second home on a lake,

early retirement.

Never tiring of

each other's bodies

Or lessening

the frequency of sex.

Well, excuse me.

But that is not the type

of life that I would want.

That sounded pretty good to me.

Especially the balling part.

Hmm.

You know what, Michelle?

I bet, under that tough

exterior of yours,

Under all that self-Tanner

and macrame bikini,

There's something

very warm and soft.

And pink.

Probably smells a little bit,

but not too much.

I am not going to let you

sweet-Talk me, Lance Truman.

Fine.

I hope you are kidding me.

A study group.

Please tell me

This is some kind of a joke.

Calculus.

Shakespeare?

You all signed a contract.

What are you trying to do?

Ruin your season

before it even begins, huh?

No, Coach. We're simply

trying to keep up our G.P.A.S.

Oh, is that what you call it?

Mm-Hmm. You make me sick,

all of you.

Now, I was hoping...

That you kids would

have the gumption

To do this on your own.

But, apparently,

I'm gonna have to

take you by the friggin' hand.

You won a football game!

Everybody knows that after

you win a football game

You're supposed to consume

alcohol at a dangerous rate!

Ah!

You should be

popping ecstasy, man!

Oh, yeah,

and huffin' some paint!

What's the color?

Good times.

Yeah.

Look at me now, man.

Yeah, I brought all these

illegal drugs to the party...

In my fake Louis Vuitton bag

that's chock-Full

Of pirated DVDs

I got down in Chinatown.

Who cares, man?

I'm just having some fun,

because I won a football game.

Yeah! I'm a huge

drug-Pushing drug guy.

Check me out.

Gotta have some more of that.

That's the right spot.

Now I'm crazy wasted

with a bunch of minors

And I'm taking off

all my clothes.

Yeah, it's cool, man.

I'm a football player.

That's what we do!

Ow!

It's the cops!

You'll never take me alive.

Freeze, tighty-Whities!

Ah! Right in my Reggie Bush!

Oh, come on.

You have got to be kidding me.

You can do it! Come on!

Get it! Get it!

Get it!

Aw! I'm sorry, Clint.

I couldn't get it

unstuck either.

Well, thanks for trying.

I should just ask for another one,

- But that piece goes so well with the room.

- Mm-Hmm.

It does coordinate nicely

with those throw pillows.

- Wanna have sex again?

- No, I'm good.

- Who are you?

- I'm the warden.

You can go free

If you beat me in hoops...

- One on one.

- Hoops?

Me likey.

I feel I should warn you.

I was the leading scorer

of the Jewish community center

Bitty-Boy's Basketball League

three years straight.

Well, I think I'm gonna

spare you the humiliation

And just wait to be bailed out.

Psst!

Are you sure you

don't want to cuddle?

And so, Coach called the only man

He knew he could

always count on.

The man who had been by his

side through everything.

The only man he knew

he could trust.

His partner, his rock, the wind

beneath his wings-Me.

Thanks for coming, Freddie.

How long before

you can get me out?

I'm not going to be

able to do that, Coach.

What? Why?

It was right about then

that Coach Fields

Realized something was afoot.

His old friend Freddie

had betrayed him

And orchestrated a most

nefarious scheme

- That would allow Freddie...

- Why you talking like that?

Ooh, my bad.

But now you know, Coach.

The reason why I wanted you to

be head coach of the Comebacks

Is because I'm head coach

Of the Lone Star State Unbeatables.

Coach of the number one

team in the conference.

Yeah. Yeah.

And I want it to stay that way.

See, I knew the Comebacks

had a shot this year.

And I also knew, if I could

talk you back into coaching

They'd sink like a stone,

Because that's what you do, Coach-

You lose!

You bastard.

How could you?

Freddie decided

it was time to go.

As for Coach, he had

bigger things to worry about.

Why, just this morning,

He banged the wife

of the guy sitting next to him.

Come on, Turbo.

That's impossible.

I'm in here with you.

I'll get you for this!

Send a message to the warden.

I'll take him up

on his little offer.

Your interpersonal skills are horrible.

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